Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.
VATICAN CITY (UPI) -- The Vatican is now home to two popes, as Pope Francis welcomed his predecessor, retired Pope Benedict XVI, to the former pope's new residence, a spokesman said.
Insiders say Pope Benedict is his normal, super-tidy self, while Pope Francis is already leaving his vestments and hat on the floor. Will these two representatives of God's word ever find a way to live together?
GREENBELT, Md. (UPI) -- NASA says its Spitzer Space Telescope is allowing astronomers to study the atmosphere of "hot Jupiter" planets orbiting in the blistering heat of distant stars.
A spokesperson for science added that nobody wants to look at the planets that aren't so hot, but there was always a way to get funding to stare at any planet considered to be above an 8.
OTTAWA (UPI) -- The Canadian Dairy Commission created a new milk class for mozzarella cheese used on fresh pizzas, a move that is expected to drop the cost of pizza.
Other milk classes include cream, skim, chocolate, and barbarian.
LOS ANGELES (UPI) -- Pop star Justin Timberlake said Monday he will kick off his "20/20 Experience World Tour" Oct. 31 in Montreal.
Backup dancers will presumably include Hugh Downs, Barbara Walters, and the graceful Sam Donaldson as "The Black Swan".
DETROIT (UPI) -- Automaker General Motors said Monday it would recall 38,197 Chevrolet Malibu Eco and Buick hybrid sedans due to a potential fire risk.
Insiders say this means that, if they didn't do it, someone at General Motors was going to get fired.