Viz Viz Vizio
Money can't buy you happiness. But at least it can't buy you betrayal.
They say I'm pathetic for falling in love with the items I buy on Woot. "You can't take 'em with you," they say. But they don't understand the deep, meaningful relationship I've developed with my inanimate Woot crap. And while my Vizio 42" 1080p LED Smart TV may never love me back, at least it will never leave me.
My love for this TV shall never be undone by backstabbing or betrayal. It will be there for me, waiting patiently with its 1080p Full HD picture and Vizio Internet Apps. I don't have to worry that I'm not meeting its needs, or that it's displaying its 2,000,000:1 contrast ratio to other consumers. Our bond is unbreakable.
I'm done with "human" love and its countless uncertainties. How many human relationships have you seen that REALLY work? And how many relationships have you seen between a person and a Vizio TV that could be described as anything but "stable" and "dependable"? Sure, loving a TV might not give you the same exhilarating highs as falling in love with a human, but it doesn't expose you to the crushing lows.
With that said, I would like to invite you to a ceremony celebrating the love between my Vizio and myself. Technically it's not a "wedding," but that's just because the close-minded voters of this state won't let me recognize our everlasting bond in the eyes of the law.