Sleep Like An Egyptian
All the mummies sleeping in their beds / They like the sateen, don't you know?
Look, I know this is tough. But the Pharaoh was very specific about his last wishes: he wanted to sleep forever in his very favorite sheet set.
And really, can you blame him? I mean, feel these things. That smooth sateen sheen, that 500-thread-count luxury: I can think of a lot worse things to be wrapped up in for all eternity. The Pharaoh had taste, you gotta give him that.
So let's just get through this, OK? For him? For the Pharaoh? Here, you take a shift tearing the sheets up into strips and I'll do the plastering-on for a while.
Well, yeah, of course it's weird that the Pharaoh wanted to be mummified. But, I mean, we're talking about a guy from Wichita who called himself "the Pharaoh". Weird was just part of the package. Boy, I'm gonna miss this guy.