PYONGYANG - The official North Korean state cooking magazine, Eating Glorious Juche Lite, announced today that the rogue state had acquired non-stick technology.
After a secret test in the North China Sea, EGJL published an article claiming that the regime's cookware produced a frittata "of an ideal firmness" and that "not a morsel of food" was burned into the surface of the pots, "not even of the Glorious Leader's world-famous seven-alarm turkey chili."
"Let this brilliant accomplishment serve unmistakable notice to the imperialists," the article continued. "The heroic Korean people will never bow to the U.S. push for grilled cheese dominance. Never again will the West enjoy impunity to impose its scorched-rice policy against the Korean workers, peasants, and chefs."
While official details about the cookware program are scant, experts say it most likely includes a couple of skillets, a stockpot, and three pans, all jacketed in kitchen-grade nonstick coating. "The North Korean government has never had a quesadilla-delivery system of this magnitude before," said F. Jack Bacon of the Institute for Nonstick Disarmament. "If this announcement is true, it completely upsets the balance of culinary power in the region. The big question is, from whom did they acquire this technology? And how was such a cash-strapped regime able to afford it?"
Bacon concluded, "Whoever offered such a good deal on this nonstick cookware set has some serious questions to answer."