With seven of us in this apartment, it’s becoming less a way to view videos and pictures on the big TV, and more a constant source of bitter acrimony. This is the kind of multimedia convenience that can tear a household apart. Before lifelong friends turn into blood enemies, I thought I’d lay down some rules.
First, if you want to use the Kodak Theatre HD Player, you’ll have to reserve it on the sign-up sheet in the kitchen. Specify the date and time you’d like to use it. No, Keith, “forever plus infinity” is not a valid date and time.
If you also want to use the pointer remote, you’ll have to reserve that separately on the sign-up sheet in the back hallway. Why? Because sometimes Lindsay likes to dress the remote up in little outfits and take it for walks. I know, I know, but we’re not here to judge each other’s lifestyle preferences. Not even those of us who call a remote control “Sniggums” and give it Eskimo kisses.
Whoever got blood, mucus, and tartar sauce all over the HDMI cable should have it professionally cleaned or replace it immediately. I know where you can get an HDMI cable cheap. Talk to me later if you want to keep it discreet.
Ryan, just because you can use the Kodak Theatre HD Player to stream that Korean poop song from YouTube over and over doesn’t mean you necessarily should. Moderation in all things, dude.
OK, so, moving on… I’m not naming any names, but if you want to watch videos of an adult nature, please restrict your viewing to the hours between 7 a.m. and 3 p.m., when Rachel is at work. It can create a hostile living environment. Plus, I really don’t want to know what turns you people on. I’m not trying to embarrass anybody, but some of you freaks are into some really disgusting stuff. So let’s keep it discreet, OK, Chris and Victor?
And on a similar note, if you’re using the player’s Discovery Collage feature to search for pictures on the house computer, please make sure to exclude the folders “hot_celebs” and “Euro_upskirts”, especially if my parents are in town.
Finally, if you’re using the Kodak Theatre HD Player to do something lame like getting up-to-date news headlines from the National Public Radio RSS feed, and one of the other roommates has just downloaded both the 2006 Aquaman pilot and the 1979 JLA celebrity roast, you are expected to relinquish control of the Kodak Theatre HD Player. Using an HD TV to read an RSS feed would be like using the Cosmic Cube to heat up a frozen burrito.
Well, that’s about it. As in ancient Mesopotamia, I hope the rule of law can settle our tribal disputes and bring order to a fractious land. And if not, you should all know that I’ve mastered the Cherokee blowgun. Watch something with the Kodak Theatre HD Player during my reserved time, and it’ll be the last video you ever watch. Or slideshow, or whatever.
