Woot® : One Day, One Deal™

It's Monday. I've got nothing. So here's some really attractive Turkish people singing about Facebook and messaging each other instead of using the chat feature between dance breaks. There also seems to be a curious lack of annoying Farmville updates. Maybe that's why they're dancing?

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I'll be honest. I did a lot of things for money as a teenager I'm not proud of, including, but not limited to, passing out breadsticks to snickering friends or dancing around in a mouse suit for the entertainment of children. But if I had walked into The Freckled One's Squared-Burger House on my first day and been forced to watch these orientation videos, I might have run for the door, car insurance be damned.

I can't be certain, but I think they stole that bassline from Paula Abdul. And I can only assume that the noise she makes at 1:08 is some kind of strange company mating call. Who knows?

Of course, that's got nothing on the way Mr. Hot Drinks attempts to seduce you as he sings about the proper way to prepare coffee.

I can't imagine what it must've been like having sit there in your uniform and visor and not be horrified. Then again, most people can't imagine having to lube up a kid's hand to get it unstuck from a skeeball machine, so I guess we're even.

[Thanks to superbadgirl for the links!]

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There's a certain amount of trust that come with about twelve years of friendship. So when my best friend Dave says to me, "Dude, I need some help dragging this thing out the alley and into my girlfriend's house," I don't even bother saying no. I just ask for enough time to finish my beer while secretly hoping it's not a deer cadaver this time.

We stare at his latest find for a few minutes before he sighs and says, "Gosh DANG. Isn't it gorgeous? I'm telling you, man, nature's pretty rad, huh?"

"It's a branch, Dave. A very large, possibly termite-ridden branch."

"BAH!" He bats away my pessimism with a wave of his hand. "That thing's a reading light if I ever saw one. Come on. I need to get this inside before Amy gets home."

"Right. Because it'll be harder to see how bad an idea this is when it's inside her bedroom rather than next to the dumpster the local pee-bums like to vomit in."

"EXACTLY."

This is the main difference between he and I. Whereas I normally view the world as one ever-growing Katamari of doom and disappointment, Dave sees something awesome in everything, even the stuff that other people might throw away. That's a pretty enviable talent to have, I say. Take the following three artists, for instance.

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Tube Dubber lets you take the video from one YouTube video and tack on the audio from another. For instance, combine a slowed down video of a cat playing with a box and a little space rock and you get something pretty epic, albeit completely non-embeddable.

So we gave it a couple of tries with some old favorites from our Woot YouTube Channel. The results were astounding! Sadly, we aren't able to post them here in the post for your viewing pleasure, but the links below should get you where you need to go.

Requiem for a Night Guardian

Waitin' for an Inflato-Suit

Give it a shot for yourselves, fair Wooters, and post a few links to your creations in the comments!

[via Metafilter]

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Team Jacob may want to skip this one.

In Vox Populi, Vox Dei, you play a ninja out to hunt and destroy the werewolves that kidnapped your girl. These aren't your typical teen horror "Choose me because I'm hunky, shirtless, and played Sharkboy in a Robert Rodriquez film"-type werewolves, though. Oh, no. These werewolves are nasty, hideous things that pace back and forth at various speeds and shoot bullets out of their chest. They're a much more dangerous breed of lycanthrope, even if they are equally as annoying.

Luckily, you can use your ninja strength, cunning, and stealth to pummel these beast into a pixelated bloody pulp as you journey through the city on your mission of vengeance and rescue. And if playing happens to help release a little of your pent-up hostility about being dragged to the latest Twilight film by a loved-one, that'd be a pretty nice bonus, right?

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A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there was one bad muthashut-yo-mouth by the name of Lando Calrissian. Some bearded fella in a plaid shirt tried to write and direct a story about him back in the seventies, but the big studios felt that the world wasn't ready for a man so smooth, so roguish, so bent against an empire built on the principles of The Man to be saving the universe. So the project ended up scrapped, rewritten, and re-shot to feature some whiny farm boy. I hear it was fairly popular at some point.

Oh, but isn't it wonderful to dream of what could have been?

I'd make a joke about how this deserves my money more than any of the prequels, but then what would the rest of the internet do? Other than quote that one scene from Chasing Amy, I mean.

via io9

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You guys like movies with mind-bending twists and somewhat confusing endings? Recent movie box office numbers certainly seem to say you do. With that in mind, we'd like to call your attention to a slightly underground gem that you can now watch for free through Google Video.

Primer was released with very little fanfare back in 2004, but it's gotten a fair amount of street cred among fans of time travel and sci-fi as the years have gone by. Made with only $7000, Shane Carruth's tale of young engineers and paradoxes is a film that almost demands repeated viewings to piece together just what's going on. Sure, you could google the cheat sheet flowcharts that many of the movie's fans have put together, but where's the fun in that?

[via io9]

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Ah, New Jersey. Is there no end to the gifts the Garden State is capable of giving us? Your people, your places, your inventions, and your filmmakers have captivated our imaginations for years, it's true. But it is the music that has truly helped define the way we look at you, especially when it comes to the songs of the man known the world over as simply "The Boss". And now, thanks to artist Daniel Cassaro, we can all see Jersey the same way Springsteen does.

Containing over 200 visual references to many of Springsteen's greatest songs, Springstreets isn't a real map of New Jersey by any means, but, oh, that it were. The artist is selling poster prints of his creation right here, should you ever want to take a musical journey through Greetings From Asbury Park up to Born In The USA.

[via neatorama]

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You know, often when I'm drinking a beer while sitting on my couch and staring off into space for hours in an attempt to make the darkness and pain I've tried so long to keep bottled up in the depths of my heart from bubbling up to the surface, I sometimes think to myself, "Man, if only this beer was stronger and I were drinking it out of a stuffed roadkill coozie. THEN maybe I could get my life back on track."

Finally, someone has heard my silent prayers.

The End Of History, the newest brew from Brew Dog, is a 55% ABV (yes, 55% ALCOHOL BY VOLUME) beer that not only seeks to "get you krunk" faster than any other beer in history, but also comes in this fetching dead rodent package! From the site:

"This blond Belgian ale is infused with nettles from the Scottish Highlands and Fresh juniper berries. Only 12 bottles have been made and each comes with its own certificate and is presented in a stuffed stoat or grey squirrel. The striking packaging was created by a very talented taxidermist and all the animals used were road kill.

The impact of The End of History is a perfect conceptual marriage between art, taxidermy and craft brewing. The bottles are at once beautiful and disturbing – they disrupt conventions and break taboos, just like the beer they hold within them."

Sadly, it seems all eleven bottles of the limited run are sold out now, even though they were going for over $750 a pop. Rats. I mean, "Tree rats".

[via The Daily What]

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How come when people try to train their pets to "talk", "I love you" is always the thing they make them say? That's not hard. OF COURSE they love their owners. I'd tell anyone I loved them if they walked me, fed me, and cleaned up my poo. That's why I got married, after all.

Seems to me that, if I were going to train my dog to do something that could get me fifteen minutes of internet fame on YouTube, I'd try to teach my dog how to say something infinitely more awesome. Like this little guy:

Hmm. I wonder how many table scraps I'd have to dole out in order to get my dog to say "I HAVE BECOME DEATH, DESTROYER OF WORLDS". Should go over well with the neighbors.

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