Woot : One Day, One Deal (SM)

What happens when you put a huge number of semi-intelligent primates at an equally huge number of keyboards and ask them to create the world’s most extensive reference work? You get some highly irregular grammar and punctuation, for one thing. But you also get passages of sublime near-poetry. Wikipedia has a way of putting things like no other reference work can.

• Imagine the fit of indignation that prompted some anonymous Dallas resident to try to set the record straight with this line from the entry on “Debbie Does Dallas”: “Contrary to the title, the film is not set in Dallas nor does the eponymous Debbie ‘do’ anyone in or from Dallas.”
• Not every TV show can afford a technical advisor from the law enforcement community, as you can tell by the entry on Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: “Why Rosco does not simply arrest the boys at their farm for resisting arrest because of these chases is never explained.”
• An essential piece of disambiguation from the entry on Pocket Pool: “For the table game also known as pool, see Pocket billiards. For the practice of fondling one’s genitals through a trouser pocket, see masturbation.”
• The entry on fishnet stockings includes a short and hilariously arbitrary list of occurrences in “literature and popular culture.” The first item on this list tells you more about Wikipedia’s editorial class than about fishnet stockings: “DC Comics features two superheroines who have incorporated fishnet stockings into their crime-fighting costume, Zatanna and Black Canary.”
• Something tells us the “Incredible HFC M712 magazine repair” section in the Airsoft entry falls short of total objectivity: “Without a doubt this individual Ebay Link is the greatest repairer of leaking M712 magazines in the world. Seldom in the history of mankind has there been an airsoft repairer of such decency and skill.”

Keep at it, Wikipedia!

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Hey, we read our own forums. So we’re well aware that most of the people who make up our community are, uh, not exactly rocket scientists. Don’t feel bad. All this science we don’t understand either. That’s one reason why we were so impressed to hear about Bdale Garbee.

This summer, Garbee stuffed eight of our bravest screaming monkeys into his huge “model” rocket before launching it into the wild blue yonder—a giant leap for monkeykind, if ever there was one. Regard:

Woot Monkeys in Space from Woot Video on Vimeo.

• Read the Pueblo Chieftan’s article about the launch
• Visit the Southern Colorado Rocketeers’ site for more Chili Blaster photos

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After four years of our daily podcast, we sure have a lot of episodes in the can. (It’s where we do our best thinking.) Have you noticed how certain themes recur? We have! For example, grab hold of the common thread running through these nightmarish numbers, all about monsters and mayhem and things that go bump in the night.

Halloween Candy Safety PSA – It was Halloween in 2006 when our podcast team, moved by a spirit of charity, gave the children of America this warning not to swallow razor blades.

Devil’s Night Message: Don’t Burn Down The Neighborhood – We’ll never know how many would’ve-been firebugs changed their Devil’s Night plans after hearing this musical plea on October 30th, 2007. But it was probably zero.

The Shanty of Bluetooth (Halloween Version) – We’ve recorded so many versions of “The Shanty of Bluetooth,” it’s not surprising there’s one about Halloween. Can it be long before “Bluetooth Meets Abbott & Costello?”

Night of the Living Candy Fiends – How frightened we were, that Halloween night in 2008! When the candy bowl is empty, there’s no more terrifying sound than that of tiny knuckles on the front door.

Might Have Seen Some Monsters – The people demanded a podcast for Halloween, 2007, and we weren’t going to let our failure to think of a rhyme for “Dracula” stop us from giving them one.

Theme From BIG CALEB THUNDER, WOLFMAN NINJA OF HARLEM – Not technically a Halloween podcast, having aired in April of 2009, this one reminds us that werewolfism can strike at any time of year. In the original discussion thread, a poster asked, “Did the podcast singers all wear boy’s sized speedos to get that falsetto?” The answer is that we never give away our recording studio methods.

Battle On Monster Island – Ooh, a special unreleased recording! This one never came out as a Woot podcast, but used to be an Easter egg on the touchtone phone menu for our old office. There’s nothing fun on our current menu though, so don’t call now. (Unless you think pranking Dave is fun. Which we can see how you might.)

Happy Halloween!

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Getting a massive, muscular, Kal-El-esque physique takes months of dedicated, strenuous bodybuilding. Unless you’re a kid aged 3 to 7. Then you can just slip into Mattel’s suit of blow-up pecs!

We sold it on Kids.Woot a few weeks ago. Then we made a short movie about it. It goes like this:

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After over three and a half years of our daily podcast, we sure have a lot of episodes in the can. (It’s where we do our best thinking.) Have you noticed how certain themes recur? We have! For example, grab hold of the common thread running through these moldy oldies, which are all about Ferdinand Magellan’s trip ‘round the globe. Well, mostly about that.

Ferdinand Magellan the Circumnavigator (Part 1) – The first time ever we heard this tune was back on April 19th of 2006, accompanying a Magellan brand GPS. If you had told us then that we would still be rehashing this dumb song now, we would have laughed in your face. Then excused ourselves to a private room and wept.

Ferdinand Magellan the Circumnavigator (Part 2) – Always on the lookout for ways to do less work, we revisited ol’ Ferdo in July of the same year.

Listener Mailbag – On July 17th of 2006, a caller rang our voicemail line to ask for the chords to this song so he could play it in front of schoolkids. It seemed like a profoundly bad idea to us, but sometimes people have to make their own mistakes or they’ll never learn.

Ferdinand Magellan the Circumnavigator (Part 3) – April 28th of 2008: Another Magellan GPS for sale, another trip ‘round these familiar chords for the Woot Podcast Team. Having apparently exhausted our knowledge of Freddy M.’s historic voyage, we went meta in the second verse.

Ferdinand Magellan the Circumnavigator (Part 4) – A sure sign of Magellan fatigue: This June 13th, 2008 podcast is a verse shorter than the songs that preceded it. If we don’t make landfall soon, the crew will surely mutiny.

Christopher Columbus – Earlier this month, we mixed it up a little, writing some non-Magellan lyrics to honor another explorer, Christopher Columbus. This podcast aired on the day that bears Chris’s name. (No, not “Chrismas,” you dimwit. Columbus Day.)

Doesn’t listening to all these old podcasts make you wish you could buy a Magellan GPS today? Well, click over to Sellout.Woot and see what kind of luck you’re in. You’re in the good kind, that’s what kind you’re in.

(Editor's Note: true Magellaholics will want to sing along to these alternate lyrics penned for the Excalibur Space Navigator this past July. And not just because the Editor wrote them.)

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 Every once in a while, the ol’ Woot-style salesmanship even gets to us, the salesmen. And women. It stands to reason. You can’t expect somebody to chum a feeding frenzy all day every day without getting the urge to tear off a bite for himself now and then. That’s only natural.

And so it was with the Snap Sights Waterproof Camera, which one of our staffers bought, to his regret, in a Woot-Off way back in 2006. We can tell you all about his buyer’s remorse now because we’re not selling these things anymore.

We made a short movie about it. It goes like this:

You can find Real Actual Field Test #1 fairly far down this blog post about the Energizer Hardcase Tactical Flashlight. No prizes for guessing which product it's testing...

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After over three and a half years of our daily podcast, we sure have a lot of episodes in the can. (It’s where we do our best thinking.) Have you noticed how certain themes recur? We have! For example, grab hold of the common thread running through these classic old-school jamz, which are all about Woot Cellars’ potent potables.

Theme for Rinfrescante – Rinfrescante was the first Woot Cellars offering ever! This number, which accompanied that sale, was recorded at the dawn of the Woot podcast era, in November of 2005. It shows off the podcast team’s facility with VERY CONVINCING accents.

Holiday Theme for Rinfrescante – About a month later, we reused the same song with new lyrics for a sale featuring Rinfrescante in a holiday gift pack. The clinking, pouring, gulping and belching sound effects were all created in our studio, using state-of-the-art tools like a bottle.

Theme for Monkey Prize – This silly bit of monkey business was only one part of the coordinated multi-media blitz that accompanied the Monkey Prize launch on December 4th, 2006. This video was the rest of it.

Theme for Humbug – In November of 2007, Woot Cellars dumped a new wine called “Humbug” all over the market. To mark the occasion (and to fulfill the responsibilities spelled out in their job description), the podcast team recorded this.

Beer & Wine! Wine & Beer! – This podcast didn’t accompany a Woot Cellars wine sale, but it sort of fit our theme anyway, so we included it. Maybe we shouldn’t have. It’s hard for us to say for sure because we’re soooo drunk right now.

This is Where You Face Boss Monster - All that brings us to today’s podcast, which heralds the release of a new Woot Cellars wine, Boss Monster! Boss Monster is available now! Supplies are limited! Secure servers are standing by! Sorry, no C.O.D.s!

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After almost four years of our daily podcast, we sure have a lot of episodes in the can. (It’s where we do our best thinking.) Have you noticed how certain themes recur? We have! For example, grab hold of the common thread running through these four thrilling files of yesteryear, which are all about International Talk Like A Pirate Day.

Talk Like A Pirate Day 2006 – How weird is it that TLAPD fell on a day when we were scheduled for a Bluetooth Shanty? Not that weird, apparently, because it happened again two years later.

Talk Like A Pirate Day 2007 – It seems like only 18 months ago when we recorded our first “Pirate Speech The Easy Way” podcast. But actually it was 24 months. Time flies when you’re performing repetitive tasks! This was Pirate Speech lesson one, “Small Talk.”

Talk Like A Pirate Day 2008 – Hey, another Bluetooth Shanty! How many of these things are there, anyway? Sometimes someone asks us to post a comprehensive link to them all. You can bet that’s someone who doesn’t realize there are literally dozens of versions; it’s crazy.

Talk Like A Pirate Day 2009 – Click here to get right up to date with today’s podcast thread! It’ll prep you for TLAPD tomorrow—it’s “Pirate Speech The Easy Way,” lesson two! In the interest of the environment, this podcast contains 75% recycled content.

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Ahoy, suckers! Have you made plans for “Talk Like a Pirate Day” yet? We have. We’re going to do the same thing we do every year: Stay off the Internet, because that is one annooooying meme.

Still, we don’t want to get a rep as the un-fun poopdeck to this party barge. So we figured we’d make a TLAPD card to send our friends. It’ll be like participating, kind of, except that we won’t have to be there to hear all the faux-pirate prattle.

So here it is! The latest installment in our year-long greeting card project, wherein we post a new, exclusive greeting card every month for Woot blog readers to print and give to their friends for absolutely free.

All you have to do to avail yourself of this staggeringly generous offer is click the thumbnail below, save the card as a PDF, print it out, fold it in half twice, sign it, and give it to someone you like. Or whomever’s sitting nearest you.

Hey, dig through our archives and check out our previous months’ greeting cards too! They’re all still online:

January
February
March
April
June
July
Hey, what happened to August?

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Our old primate pals Mortimer and Monte are back in the employee lounge, debating the merits of Kids.Woot, the newest consumer fantasy island in our growing archipelago!

This video is proof that even though the Kids.Woot era is under way, there will always be room for juvenile entertainments right here at the site where we started.

Mortimer & Monte: In the Break Room, episode 2 from Woot Video on Vimeo.

Waste a few more precious minutes of your life with Mortimer & Monte Sing "Happy Bi-" uh, "Woot.com Is Five".

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