In the interest of preserving my mental and physical health, I try to pay as little attention to the news as possible, but some events demand the attention of all citizens. Like, say, the guy in Florida who dove 50 feet into a river to retrieve a $20 bill. Or the third annual Modern Drunkard convention. I mean, how can you fulfill your civic obligations if you're unaware of this creepy brain-electrode experiment? You simply cannot.
Elsewhere, the winners of the World Stupidity Awards have been announced: the top prize went to a judge who presided over murder trials while working a penis pump under his robe. At least he wasn't smuggling any tropical animals in his pants. In the whimsy-for-money category, that diving Floridian is rivalled by the art collector who used rock, paper, scissors to decide what auction house would sell his company's $20 million collection. Finally, turning to education issues, a story out of upstate New York reminds us that pornographic fonts are not well-suited to third-grade classroom use. OK, that's enough hard-hitting journalism for one week. Join us tomorrow as we return to our regularly-scheduled fluff.
Four O' Clock Flash: Like the Pointer Sisters, Roll On wants a man with a slow hand - make any sudden movements and you'll literally lose your marbles. This game's impressive 3-D graphics make up for the maddeningly difficult gameplay.
