Hark! Gadget commentary draws near, along with other substances most
foul. Gaze deeply, if ye dare, into another installment of “Ask an
Incontinent Viking,” the gadget column hosted by Fjafalgnjir the Vexed,
an 11th-century Danish warrior transported into a modern world he never
made. Of all the wonders of time travel, the loss of bowel control is
the least wondrous. But if you think Fjafalgnjir will be stopped by a
few inconvenient splashes here and there, well, you’ve obviously never
smelled the guy.
Q. I’m looking for a sleek, lightweight
wireless headset. My phone has Bluetooth capability, so that would be
an added bonus. But here’s the thing: I want the best one I can find
for less than twenty bucks. Any advice?
A. Like a true
son of Gullveig the gold-bringing witch, you grasp treasure above all
else in life, and seek ill-gained advantage in all your dealings. Hey,
me too! I’m what the giant Mökkurkálfi would call “a bargain-a-holic”.
And verily, the loftiest of all Bluetooth headset bargains be the LG - er, stay yourself but a moment! ‘Tis a tempest rages ‘neath my tunic!
Whew…OK, I’m back…God, I think I need a glass of water after that one. Ugh. OK, so, yeah, the LG 710 Bluetooth
Headset. Truly a mighty battery indeed, to run for 5 hours of talk time
and 150 hours of standby! All the power of Freyja’s war-swine
Hildisvini in a body yet scarcely larger than a single mead-bearing
teat of Heiðrún, goat of Valhalla! Last-number redial, voice calling,
and call reject add up to a headset so desirable, it could make Helgi
Hundingsbane reject his valyrie beloved Sigrún. In the LG 710, a miracle hath been worked by Odin, or one of his surrogates in the LG engineering department.
Q. Arrr, ye frosty-browed snow-lubber! Ye dare take the name of the fearsome Bluetooth in vain?
A. How speaks you? Who is this?
Q. Avast! The pirate Bluetooth, scourge of the waves, sea-wolf of the Antilles, Beelzebub himself on wings of rum and hemp!
A.
Devil! How hast thou escaped the realm of music? Are you not confined
to the Wootcast as surely as the beast Mangog was imprisoned ‘neath
Asgard, before the rock troll Ulik accidentally set it free (The Mighty Thor vol. 1, #154, July 1968)?
Q.
Guess not! Now prepare to be boarded! Aye, I and my gang of degenerates
shall despoil your gadget column in the vilest ways we can think of,
then help ourselves to all the riches within! I didn’t change my socks
this month, just for you! Perhaps I’ll use your little horn-helmet to
scrape away the crud ringing my barnacled ears! Believe me, they need
it!
A. Darest thou presume to match might with
Fjafalgnjir in a battle of vileness? You may strain with effort to
befoul your surroundings, but all I need do is let nature run its
course. I summon this power now! Rise now, my oleaginous legions! Rise
in rank array against the invader! Much blood will be spilled this day,
along with stuff that’s even grosser!
Q. Arr, you
weren’t kidding! That is really gross! Avast, me rabble! Back to the
safe harbor of the Wootcast, smartly now! And remind me never to do any
time-travelling!
Warranty: 90 days
Features:
- Bluetooth® 1.2 compatibility for faster connections, better
audio quality, adaptive frequency hopping and improved interference
rejection.
- Also compatible with Bluetooth 1.1 and 2.0 devices.
- Bluetooth® Class 2 wireless connection to Bluetooth compatible device up to 30 feet away.
- Supports Bluetooth® Handsfree and Headset profiles
- Multi-function button to control several functions
- Volume up/down switch
- Supports last number redial, voice dialing (if supported by phone), call reject and call waiting
- LED indicates status of headset
- Ear hook fits either ear
- Ergonomic design combines light-weight and comfort. Adjustable ear loop fits left and right ears.
- Up to 5 hours of talk time or 150 hours of standby
- Universally compatible with all Bluetooth enabled phones from different manufacturers.
- Comes with an AC power adapter to charge headset.
