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Good evening, friends -
As I sit by the fireside and chat
with you tonight, consumers across America are enjoying the music and
movies of their choice on personal handheld devices. The portable-media
revolution has lifted countless multitudes out of the doldrums, and for
that, we can all justly be proud.
But what of the others?
What about those who have never known the convenience and pleasure of
portable audio and video? As I look out across America, I see a nation
that has left far too many of its citizens out of what should be a
shared dream. I see tens of millions ill-equipped, ill-amused,
ill-entertained. I see Americans stricken by a primal fear: the fear
that they will soon be stranded at an airport or a bus stop with
nothing to listen to or watch. Are they not our brothers and sisters?
If you turn the volume too high on their earbuds, do their ears not
bleed? Until this national shame is wiped from our conscience, can we
consider our own lives truly fun?
Tonight, I ask all men,
women, and transgendered individuals of good will to join me in forging
a new deal. Under our Zune Relief Act, thousands of Zune 30GB Digital
Media Players will be made available to the public at a nominal cost.
From the shores of Kansas to the mountains of Florida, the downtrodden
will navigate through up to 30GB of music and movies on 3” LCD screens, and watch video on those very screens. Applicants may also purchase Belkin F8M031 Folio Kickstand Cases
for their new Zunes, again at a nominal fee. And thanks to the
generosity of Microsoft, every Zune buyer will have access to the
functionality of the Zune 2 at no additional cost.
But wait,
my fellow Americans. There’s more. In deference to the ideals of
freedom and tolerance enshrined in our Constitution, consumers will be
able to choose which color of Zune they prefer. White Zunes, black
Zunes, brown Zunes: the ZRA shall welcome
all and favor none. This inclusive stance is only fitting in a nation
founded by champions of racial equality like Thomas Jefferson and
George Washington.
Never before has an undertaking of such
magnitude been attempted (by Woot, anyway). I encourage every American
to take full advantage of the Zune Relief Act. You, too, can play a
historic part in this historic initiative, for a low historic expense
of 100 historic dollars (105 historic dollars with shipping).
We
are only as entertained as the most bored among us. Let us dedicate
ourselves to the fullfillment of a vision – to speed the time when
there will be, for all the people, the diversion and fun essential to
soothing the numbing boredom of everyday life. Such is the task of our
generation: to fulfill the promise of America, the promise that every
waking minute can be filled with canned entertainment product.
Before
I sign off, I must again urge all Americans to buy Zunes without stint.
Swell the mighty chorus to bring us nearer to personal-media victory!
The ZRA will shine the light of music and
video into the darkest, most boring corners of America.
I bid you good night, with one fervent wish: may we all wake up tomorrow in a more Zuniful nation. The only thing
we have to fear is forgetting to charge the battery.
Warranty: One year
Features:
- 30GB hard drive stores up to 7,500 songs, 25,000 pictures or 100 hours of video (128 Kbps)
- 3” bright color LCD display can be customized with your photos for a personalized appearance
- Resolution 320×240, vertical or horizontal orientation
- Ultracompact player measures just 0.6” thin and weighs 5 oz.
- Supports MP3, WMA and ACC audio formats, displays JPEG image formats plus displays WMV, MPEG-4 and H.264 video formats
- Built-in FM tuner with RBDS broadcast signal support to display artist and track title
- Equalizer for a customized listening experience
- USB 2.0 interface for fast transfer speeds
- Zune-to-Zune
sharing allows you to use a built-in 802.11b/g wireless interface to
share tracks, homemade recordings, playlists and pictures with other
Zune users; received tracks expire after you have listened 3 times or 3
days
- Flag shared tracks you like for easy downloading later with your Zune Pass (subscription required) in the Zune Marketplace
- Up to 14 hours battery life with the built-in lithium-ion battery
- Dimensions: 4.4×2.4×0.6 (HxWxD)
- Weight: 5.6 ounces
