Woot : One Day, One Deal (SM)

Our deal-sense is tingling. We feel…a disturbance. Forces are shifting. Constellations are aligning. The clouds of fate roil madly in the sky of destiny, presaging severe kismet storms with a 40% chance of serendipity. The universe is trying to tell you something. No, not “live life to the fullest” or “love your fellow Earthlings” or “wash me”. It’s saying “Buy a Zune now.”

Just look at the evidence. It goes way beyond our foul little cranny of cybertopia. Even the unwashed non-wooter masses (or you, if you like) can now get one of those brown Zunes no one wants at Amazon for $89.99, with free shipping. And they’re $89.99 at Buy.com if you use Google Checkout.

It just doesn’t make sense.

Think about the engineers and R&D people who designed the Zune, the workers who labored to mine and manufacture its components, the programmers who created its media-playing software. Consider its 30GB hard drive, 3” widescreen LCD, its FM tuner and headphones and wireless interface. Ponder, if you will, how its battery can play for up to 14 hours on a charge – even more if you augment it with the Belkin TunePower (sold separately, by us). And yet, somehow, we’re able to bring you your choice of black or white Zunes – the attractive ones – for the ludicrous price shown above. You’re telling us that’s a mere ninety bucks worth of parts and labor? There’s got to be something supernatural going on here.

Skeptics will say otherwise. They’ll point out how Microsoft made way too many brown Zunes, and the glut of those unloved models has constipated their entire system. They’ll drone on about the upcoming release of the Zune 2, and Microsoft’s willingness to absorb any cost to grab a piece of the personal media market. They’ll do anything but face the truth: that forces beyond our understanding are nudging us all toward Zune ownership, for reasons the human mind cannot begin to comprehend.

How do we know? Why are we so sure? Because we’ve felt it ourselves. Late last night, as we were planning this sale, a chill wind blew through our transom. We were seized by an unexplained impulse to offer a free Zune Travel Pack to anyone who orders two or three Zunes. It includes the Zune Premium Earphones, Dual Connect Remote, AC Charger, Sync Cable, and a decent carrying bag. Its value is listed at $99.99, although list prices obviously mean nothing in this strange new world. We feel irresistibly compelled to throw one of these kits into every order of multiple Zunes (just one free kit per order, not per Zune). We suspect the universe wants you to buy multiple Zunes, or hook a friend into buying one along with yours so you can keep the kit, and maybe even tell the friend the Zunes cost more than they do so you can get yours even cheaper. That’s between you and this so-called friend. The universe doesn’t care either way.

The one thing we do know is that this celestial blue-light special won’t last long. The Fates will weave a new skein, the stars will drift out of calibration, Microsoft will finally clear their warehouses. Our preliminary sheep-entrail readings confirm it: you probably won't be able to get a full-featured media player this potent for less than $100, and hence fulfill the cosmic destiny of humankind, for years to come. Pre-order from Amazon, employ Google Checkout at Buy.com, or grab a Black or White Zune from Woot, while you can. Do you really want to tempt fate?