El Jefe: First, I want to say muchas gracias to
everybody who put together this retirement party: my brother, of
course, but also the tireless cadres of the Party, and of course, the
workers and peasants of this little island nation, who have shown time
and again that they bring the strongest, most resolute fortitude to the
struggle against the imperialists. Let us recall the outrage of Playa
Girón, where the cat’s paw of Yanqui domination -
Little Brother: Eh, hermano?
I know you like to talk, but the ice cream is melting in the heat. I’m
not going back to Coppelia to stand in line for an hour again. Perhaps
we should open the presents now, yes?
El Jefe: Look
at my little brother! Merely an acting president, for now, but already
giving me orders! OK, let’s open the presents. I don’t know how much
time I have left. Hmmm – I wonder what’s in here…who’s this one from?
The Foreign Minister: Me, el Jefe. Just a little something I picked up abroad.
El Jefe: Well, I hope the man who sold it to you wasn’t working for the CIA! Now, let’s see….how do you – this tape, it’s – anybody got a knife? Or a key or something?
The Foreign Minister: Allow me, el Jefe.
El Jefe: There we go, there we go. What do we have here? A Remington R-450 Cordless Shaver?
The Foreign Minister: Indeed, el Jefe.
I thought a man in your position would appreciate the gentle
ministrations of its three floating heads. The titanium-coated twin
blades stand firm in their rejection of whiskers, and this have 50%
more cutting slots than the usual razor, so it’ll cut faster with less
irritation. Also, it’s rechargeable, which could come in handy given
the, er, occasional interruptions of electrical service carried out by
imperialist saboteurs.
El Jefe: Hm.
Little Brother: Wasn’t that nice, hermano? The finest shaver the Yanquis offer, at this price range, anyway.
El Jefe: Hm.
The Foreign Minister: I, uh, hope you like it?
El Jefe: Let me ask you something. What I said about the CIA before – was I correct?
The Foreign Minister: I don’t understand.
El Jefe: Did the CIA pass this shaver to you to give to me?
The Foreign Minister: Of course not, el -
El Jefe: Because the only people I know who have been trying to get rid of my beard are the CIA!
As both source and symbol of my masculine power, this beard has been
the target of countless covert dirty tricks for the last 50 years, as
you well know. Now here you come, in our vulnerable moment of
transition, with a fancy cordless razor, to tempt me into freely giving
up that which the imperialist agents have never been able to take away?
Scandalous! You can send your CIA paymasters your report from prison!
Little Brother: You pig! You swine! You Judas of a whore!
The Foreign Minister: No, no, el Jefe, I assure you, please! ¡Perdoname!
I’m entirely loyal to the Revolution! I just thought you might enjoy
the Remington R-450’s close, comfortable shave, but only for the
occasional trim! Please, don’t imprison me! Please, I couldn’t -
El Jefe: Ah, I’m just messing with you.
Little Brother: You should’ve seen your face!
The Foreign Minister: Heh. Very, uh, very funny, el Jefe.
El Jefe:
Seriously, thanks for the Remington. It will be nice to have a decent
electric razor instead of those ancient Czechoslovakian ones we have
around here. Now who’s ready for ice cream?
The Foreign Minister: I am, el Jefe.
Warranty: 2 Year Remington
Features:
- Titanium coated twin blade technology
- 3 independently floating heads
- Locking pop-up trimmer
- Corded and cord free use
- 30 minute cordless run time
- Charging indicator
- Removable head and cutter assembly
In the box:
- Remington R-450 Shaver
- Power Cord
- Cleaning Brush
- Storage Pouch
- Head Guard
