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12 Reasons We Haven’t Gone Back To The Moon

News by Scott Lydon & Jason Toon on September 11, 2008 at 3:30 PM

  1. TSA confiscates moon tools and helmets at gate
  2. Funds diverted to keeping down the invading lava pterodactyls from below
  3. “Moon landing” soundstage dismantled in 1981
  4. Astronauts worried that Gawker will make fun of their outfits
  5. RIAA claims 80% royalty on any data sent back by radio
  6. Ugly breakup between Harrison Schmitt and Princess Allurina Luna makes things uncomfortable for Earthlings
  7. Nobody at NASA willing to miss the possible release of Duke Nukem Forever
  8. Congress refuses to lift ban on off-world oil drilling
  9. There’s nothing about rockets in The Bible
  10. Issues between Roger Waters and David Gilmour not yet fully resolved
  11. Ever since he saw Superman II, President Bush has been afraid we might run into General Zod
  12. Eh, we’re really more into knitting these days


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