All The Madagascar Jokes Have Been Made
The Swine Flu. It’s coming. It’s coming for your children and your parents. It’s coming for your co-workers and your acquaintances. And worst of all, it’s coming for your swine.
Like some nightmare scenario ripped from the mind of a NAFTA hating pharmacist, the Swine Flu is crawling up from our Southern border. No longer can we snuggle bacon to our chest or share our ham sandwiches with strangers. It is clear that, if you want to live through this disaster of Biblical proportions, there is only one answer. First, you must immediately panic. And second, you have to buy a Philips Upconverting DVD Player w/DIVX and HDMI.
While hidden away in your pre-sterilized, certified kosher emergency bunker, fully prepared to wait out the disaster, a Philips Upconverting DVD Player w/DIVX and HDMI can provide a useful memory of how other humans behave. Able to play CD, VCD, DVD, DVD-R and-RW, MP3s, WMAs, JPEGs and DivX files. the Philips Upconverting DVD Player w/DIVX and HDMI can cover all your entertainment needs. Plus the Progressive Scan component will optimize video images, and that will prove to be far more enjoyable than conducting that long-postponed inventory of the canned goods in Room “B”. Incidentally, keep in mind that the old cans of Pork N’ Beans may be compromising your security. They say they’re loyal to you, but can you really trust them?
The Philips Upconverting DVD Player w/DIVX and HDMI also comes with an audio/video cable and remote control. It’ll be easy to use, even as you try to pretend that there’s still hope for your soon-to-be infected loved ones. You lie to yourself from love. It’s okay. But you have to accept that there’s no hope for them now. Don’t be blinded by a false need for mercy. Throw them out into the street while there’s still time. You can have more children later, if you find that you need them. In a crisis like this, your first priority is to yourself.
Even now, scores of dozens of human beings are at risk of maybe possibly dying if left untreated over a period of time. Why risk being a maybe possibly? You’re so much more important than they are! Wash your hands, lock the door, and order a Philips Upconverting DVD Player w/DIVX and HDMI to provide clear, upconverted companionship. The survivors will call when it’s all over, don’t you worry. They’ll need someone like you, someone with leadership skills and 192 kHz audio DAC sampling. And you can bet they’ll never tire of telling you that they were wrong, and you were right. Not just about the pandemic. About everything.
Oh, hey, FYI, don’t bring a football with you. The skin never falls far from the tree, if you get what we’re saying.
Warranty: 90 Day Philips
Features:
- DVD playback with 1080i HDMI upconversion
- DivX Ultra Certified for enhanced playback of DivX videos
- Plays CD, (S)VCD, DVD, DVD+R/RW, DVD-R/RW
- Plays DivX, MP3, WMA and JPEG digital camera photos
- 12-bit/108MHz video processing for sharp, natural images
- 192kHz/24 bit audio DAC enhances analogue sound input
- Progressive Scan component video for optimized image quality
- EasyLink controls all EasyLink products with a single remote
- HDMI digital output for easy connection with only one cable
- High definition JPEG playback for images in true resolution
Additional Photos:
Picture/Display:
- D/A converter: 12 bit, 108 MHz
- Picture enhancement: Progressive Scan, Video Upscaling(720p, 1080i/p)
Sound:
- D/A converter: 24 bit, 192 kHz
- Frequency response: 30-20000 Hz
- Signal to noise ratio: > 90 dB
- Distortion and Noise (1kHz): > 65 dB
- Crosstalk (1kHz): > 70 dB
- Dynamic Range (1kHz): > 80 dB
- Sound System: Dolby Digital
Video Playback:
- Playback Media: CD, CD-R/CD-RW, Video CD/SVCD, DVD, DivX, DVD+R/+RW, DVD-R/-RW, DVD-Video
- Compression formats: MPEG1, MPEG2
- Video disc playback system: NTSC, PAL
Audio Playback:
- Playback Media: CD, MP3-CD, MP3-DVD, WMA-CD, CD-R/RW, Audio CD
- MP3 bit rates: 32 – 320 kbps
- Compression format: MP3, Dolby Digital, PCM, WMA
Still Picture Playback:
- Playback Media: DVD+R/+RW, DVD-R/-RW, CD-R/RW, Picture CD, Kodak Picture CD
- Picture compression format: JPEG
- Picture enhancement: Rotate, Zoom, Slideshow, Flip photos
Connectivity:
- Rear Connections: Analog audio Left/Right out, ComponentVideo out Progressive, Composite video (CVBS) output, Digital coaxial out, HDMI output
Convenience
- Child Protection: Child Lock, Parental Control
- On-Screen Display languages: Canadian French, English, Mexican Spanish
Power
- Power consumption: < 10 W
- Power supply: 120V, 60Hz
- Standby power consumption: < 1.0 W
Dimensions:
- Packaging dimensions (W x H x D): 415×82 x 282 mm
- Set dimensions (W x H x D): 360×37 x 210 mm
Multimedia Applications:
- Playback Formats: JPEG Still pictures, MP3
In the box:
- DVP3962 DVD Player
- Remote Control
- Audio / Video Cable
- User Guide
