Two Pieces of Flare
Evildoers beware! Let it be known that Sunset Circle Estates and surrounding subdivisions are now under the protection of America’s newest costumed hero, the mighty…uh, I’ll get back to you about the name.
Sgt. Dazzle? Orange Blinder? The Squintifier? It’s a big decision, so I don’t want to rush it. All I’m sure of is that when I do settle on my superheroic moniker, it has to (1) strike fear into the hearts of miscreants and megalomaniacs, and (2) have something to do with my secret weapons: these two EzyFlare Roadside Flares.
The world knows them as mild-mannered roadside safety devices and rescue beacons. But when evil strikes – or when somebody tries to steal my hubcaps again – they transform into orange, blinking fists of justice. If the moving LED pulse around the rim doesn’t get you, the flashing LEDs in the middle will. All I have to do is brandish these up in your face and you’ll be left dazed and disoriented, primed for me to finish you off with a crippling wasp-fu assault!
(Wasp-fu is a hybrid martial art I invented. It combines the lethal power of kung fu with the intense annoyance of being stuck – or stung, really – with straight pins. And yes, it’s as devastating as it sounds.)
Now that I’m EazyFlared up, once I get over to the sporting goods place and get those catcher’s shinguards, my equipment and training will be complete. All I have to do is pick a name and I’m in the superhero business. Look for me and my EzyFlare Roadside Flares wherever goodness is threatened, wherever justice is imperiled, wherever the weak are bullied by the strong and the nice cower before the mean!
Or wherever somebody’s car breaks down by the side of the road. I’m pretty much perfect for that.
Warranty: Limited Lifetime Manufacturer
Features:
- Visible for 1.5 Miles (2.5 Kilometers / 8000 Feet)
- Visible from air and land, the beacon is essential for motoring, camping, boating, hiking
- When activated, the continually moving LED pulse around the outer edge of the unit, in combination with a flashing LED cluster in the center of the unit
- Built-in stand to allow the warning light to be left in an upright position
- Rubber feet on the bottom prevent damage to surfaces
- Requires 4 “AA” batteries (not included)
Additional Photos:
In the box:
- 2 EzyFlare Roadside Flares
