Hey, women of BYU! Are you ready to play some soccer? Because you should really be focused on defending yourself from Elizabeth Lambert.
Lambert, who apparently lost her entire family in a savage Mormon attack, became hellbent last Friday on maiming as many people on the field as possible. And while getting tackled or pulled to the ground by your pony tail is embarrassing enough, no one should have to suffer the ignonimy of being dumped to the turf AND taking a soccer ball to the face; but by god there it is happening right before our eyes at 1:05. Oh, the humanity!
So Elizabeth Lambert's a jerk, and we all know that now, but seriously: who the hell were the referees for this game? I know soccer players are kind of notorious for flopping on the ground in agony at the slightest breeze to try and draw a card, but short of brandishing a pistol I'm not sure what else Lambert had to do to get a red card and be tossed from the game. Maybe she could've gone all Kano and ripped the goalkeeper's still-beating heart from her chest, taken a bite, and raised it triumphantly over her head at midfield. That's gotta be good for at least a yellow.
