+ Add a Comment

ThunderThighs


quality posts: 570 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff

Women's Ass size study

There is a new study just released by the American Psychiatric Association about women and how they feel about their asses. The results are pretty interesting:

1. 5% of women surveyed feel their ass is too big.

2. 10% of women surveyed feel their ass is too small.

3. The remaining 85% say they don't care; they love him; he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway.



FORUM MODERATOR
To contact Customer Service, use the SUPPORT form at the top of every woot page
••• ► Woot's Return Policy ◄ ••• ► Did you check your spam/junk folders for a CS reply?
CANCEL?? How to cancel your order in the first 15 minutes!! - except Woot-Offs & expedited orders

acemom


quality posts: 0 Private Messages acemom

An Amish couple is driving down the road in their buggy.
Husband reaches out, rubs wife's breast and says, "if these would give milk, we could get rid of the cow!"
Wife pushes his hand away and says, "oh, Jacob, stop."

Husband reaches out, rubs the wife's private parts and says, "if these would lay eggs, we could get rid of the chickens!"

Wife is getting mad.....

She reaches over, grabs his crotch and says:
"If this would get hard, we could get rid of your brother!!"

Me hides in shame now.



ThunderThighs


quality posts: 570 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff

acemom wrote:An Amish couple is driving down the road in their buggy.
Husband reaches out, rubs wife's breast and says, "if these would give milk, we could get rid of the cow!"
Wife pushes his hand away and says, "oh, Jacob, stop."

Husband reaches out, rubs the wife's private parts and says, "if these would lay eggs, we could get rid of the chickens!"

Wife is getting mad.....

She reaches over, grabs his crotch and says:
"If this would get hard, we could get rid of your brother!!"

Me hides in shame now.


LOL, reminds me of the Mario cartoon I posted in RAT (and took down)



FORUM MODERATOR
To contact Customer Service, use the SUPPORT form at the top of every woot page
••• ► Woot's Return Policy ◄ ••• ► Did you check your spam/junk folders for a CS reply?
CANCEL?? How to cancel your order in the first 15 minutes!! - except Woot-Offs & expedited orders

acemom


quality posts: 0 Private Messages acemom
daj59 wrote:
LOL, reminds me of the Mario cartoon I posted in RAT (and took down)


don't remember seeing it.
Did you take it down quickly?



ThunderThighs


quality posts: 570 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff

acemom wrote:
don't remember seeing it.
Did you take it down quickly?


Left it up about a half hour.



FORUM MODERATOR
To contact Customer Service, use the SUPPORT form at the top of every woot page
••• ► Woot's Return Policy ◄ ••• ► Did you check your spam/junk folders for a CS reply?
CANCEL?? How to cancel your order in the first 15 minutes!! - except Woot-Offs & expedited orders

acemom


quality posts: 0 Private Messages acemom
daj59 wrote:
Left it up about a half hour.


K.



pooflady


quality posts: 20 Private Messages pooflady
daj59 wrote:
Left it up about a half hour.



I saw it. Funny.



When I was a kid I wanted to be older, this CRAP is NOT what I expected.

ThunderThighs


quality posts: 570 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff

Bob always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into their room and says to his wife, "Notice anything different, Bessie?"

Bessie looks him over, "Nope."

Bob says excitedly "Come on Bessie, take a good look. Notice anything different about me?"

Bessie looks again, "Nope."

Frustrated, Bob storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for his boots. Again he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different?"

Bessie looks up and says, "Bob, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious, Bob yells, "And do you know why it is hanging down, Bessie? It's hanging down because it's looking at my new boots!!!"

Bessie replies, "Should'a bought a hat, Bob."



FORUM MODERATOR
To contact Customer Service, use the SUPPORT form at the top of every woot page
••• ► Woot's Return Policy ◄ ••• ► Did you check your spam/junk folders for a CS reply?
CANCEL?? How to cancel your order in the first 15 minutes!! - except Woot-Offs & expedited orders

pooflady


quality posts: 20 Private Messages pooflady
daj59 wrote:Bob always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into their room and says to his wife, "Notice anything different, Bessie?"

Bessie looks him over, "Nope."

Bob says excitedly "Come on Bessie, take a good look. Notice anything different about me?"

Bessie looks again, "Nope."

Frustrated, Bob storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for his boots. Again he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different?"

Bessie looks up and says, "Bob, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious, Bob yells, "And do you know why it is hanging down, Bessie? It's hanging down because it's looking at my new boots!!!"

Bessie replies, "Should'a bought a hat, Bob."



ROFL



When I was a kid I wanted to be older, this CRAP is NOT what I expected.

ThunderThighs


quality posts: 570 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff

pooflady wrote:

ROFL


Maybe Dname will send it to her S-I-L's in-laws.



FORUM MODERATOR
To contact Customer Service, use the SUPPORT form at the top of every woot page
••• ► Woot's Return Policy ◄ ••• ► Did you check your spam/junk folders for a CS reply?
CANCEL?? How to cancel your order in the first 15 minutes!! - except Woot-Offs & expedited orders

ThunderThighs


quality posts: 570 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff

Old but still good....

A blonde walked into a hairdresser with headphones on and said to the hairdresser, "Do anything with my hair, but don't take the earphones off".

So the hairdresser started to cut but was finding it pretty difficult, so he thinks "What could happen if I took the headphones off?", and he took them off. The blonde dropped dead straight away.

"Oh My gosh" said the hairdresser, puzzled. "What is so special about these headphones?" and he put them on.

And out of the headphones, he heard, "Breath In, Breath Out. Breath In, Breath Out..."



FORUM MODERATOR
To contact Customer Service, use the SUPPORT form at the top of every woot page
••• ► Woot's Return Policy ◄ ••• ► Did you check your spam/junk folders for a CS reply?
CANCEL?? How to cancel your order in the first 15 minutes!! - except Woot-Offs & expedited orders

ThunderThighs


quality posts: 570 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives...."

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'ma justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."



FORUM MODERATOR
To contact Customer Service, use the SUPPORT form at the top of every woot page
••• ► Woot's Return Policy ◄ ••• ► Did you check your spam/junk folders for a CS reply?
CANCEL?? How to cancel your order in the first 15 minutes!! - except Woot-Offs & expedited orders

ThunderThighs


quality posts: 570 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?"

"He said you're going to die," she replied



FORUM MODERATOR
To contact Customer Service, use the SUPPORT form at the top of every woot page
••• ► Woot's Return Policy ◄ ••• ► Did you check your spam/junk folders for a CS reply?
CANCEL?? How to cancel your order in the first 15 minutes!! - except Woot-Offs & expedited orders

ThunderThighs


quality posts: 570 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff

Three aspiring psychiatrists, from three leading universities, were attending their first class on emotional extremes.

"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from UCLA, "What is the opposite of joy?"
"Sadness," said the student.

"And the opposite of depression?" he asked the young lady from Clemson.
"Elation," she said.

"And you, sir," he said to the student from Texas A&M, "How about the opposite of woe?"
The Texas A&M student replied, "Sir, I believe that would be 'giddy-up'."



FORUM MODERATOR
To contact Customer Service, use the SUPPORT form at the top of every woot page
••• ► Woot's Return Policy ◄ ••• ► Did you check your spam/junk folders for a CS reply?
CANCEL?? How to cancel your order in the first 15 minutes!! - except Woot-Offs & expedited orders

acemom


quality posts: 0 Private Messages acemom
daj59 wrote:Three aspiring psychiatrists, from three leading universities, were attending their first class on emotional extremes.

"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from UCLA, "What is the opposite of joy?"
"Sadness," said the student.

"And the opposite of depression?" he asked the young lady from Clemson.
"Elation," she said.

"And you, sir," he said to the student from Texas A&M, "How about the opposite of woe?"
The Texas A&M student replied, "Sir, I believe that would be 'giddy-up'."


LOL!!
Good thing you are a TX gal or you would get whaled on!!!



ThunderThighs


quality posts: 570 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff

Laughed out loud on this one...

A study in Glasgow showed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance: if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features, and if she is premenstrual, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors shoved in his temple and a rake jammed up his arse.



FORUM MODERATOR
To contact Customer Service, use the SUPPORT form at the top of every woot page
••• ► Woot's Return Policy ◄ ••• ► Did you check your spam/junk folders for a CS reply?
CANCEL?? How to cancel your order in the first 15 minutes!! - except Woot-Offs & expedited orders

donnabatey


quality posts: 0 Private Messages donnabatey
daj59 wrote:Laughed out loud on this one...

A study in Glasgow showed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance: if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features, and if she is premenstrual, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors shoved in his temple and a rake jammed up his arse.


AZGman


quality posts: 3 Private Messages AZGman

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook
a venison steak. But all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic....and since it
was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a
problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic.
After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass.....and as the
priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and
raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."

Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the
wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.

The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into
Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and
watched in amazement.

There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully
sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, you wuz
raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."

Grumpy 'til the day I die.

czardastx


quality posts: 3 Private Messages czardastx
AZGman wrote:Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook
a venison steak. But all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic....and since it
was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a
problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic.
After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass.....and as the
priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and
raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."

Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the
wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.

The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into
Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and
watched in amazement.

There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully
sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, you wuz
raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."


Amen.


The secret to a happy marriage is to split everything 50/50. My wife gets the big half and I get the little half. - Chief Buffalo Nickel

pooflady


quality posts: 20 Private Messages pooflady
AZGman wrote:Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook
a venison steak. But all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic....and since it
was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a
problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic.
After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass.....and as the
priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and
raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."

Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the
wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.

The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into
Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and
watched in amazement.

There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully
sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, you wuz
raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."



Rofl



When I was a kid I wanted to be older, this CRAP is NOT what I expected.

AZGman


quality posts: 3 Private Messages AZGman

(Courtesy of macdaddy)

THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND.

THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. "THAT WAS MY PAGER," SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG
WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED,
"THAT WAS MY MOBILEPHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND."

THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW TECH. NOT TO BE OUTDONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END. THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.

THE WOMAN FINALLY SAID, "WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT... I'M GETTING A FAX!!"

Grumpy 'til the day I die.

dontwantaname


quality posts: 13 Private Messages dontwantaname

Volunteer Moderator

AZGman wrote:(Courtesy of macdaddy)

THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND.

THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. "THAT WAS MY PAGER," SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG
WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED,
"THAT WAS MY MOBILEPHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND."

THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW TECH. NOT TO BE OUTDONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END. THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.

THE WOMAN FINALLY SAID, "WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT... I'M GETTING A FAX!!"




//groan

WE LURV YOU TOO! Dork!!!
No greater love is lost than that not shared.

ThunderThighs


quality posts: 570 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff

Oldie....

Yesterday I was taking a break in the back garden after nasty storms, and my wife upstairs was having a shower.

I couldn't find the rake so I yelled up to her: "Honey, where's the rake?".

She couldn't hear me and she shouted back, "What?".

I pointed to my eye, then I pointed to my knee and made a raking motion. My wife wasn't sure and said, "What?". I repeated the gestures: "EYE KNEE THE RAKE".

My wife replied that she understood and signalled back. She first pointed to her eye, next she pointed to her left breast, then she pointed to her bum, and finally to her crotch.

Well, I had no idea what in god's name she was on about, so I trudged up the stairs, poked my head into the bathroom and asked her, "What the hell was that?".

She replied

























EYE - LEFT TIT - BEHIND - THE BUSH



FORUM MODERATOR
To contact Customer Service, use the SUPPORT form at the top of every woot page
••• ► Woot's Return Policy ◄ ••• ► Did you check your spam/junk folders for a CS reply?
CANCEL?? How to cancel your order in the first 15 minutes!! - except Woot-Offs & expedited orders

ThunderThighs


quality posts: 570 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in ATLANTA. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"

Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?"

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed.

The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings...It's Jim.

Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"

Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"

Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"

Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."

"Yeah, well there's just one thing...," says Jim.

Bud asks, "What's that?"

"Have you farted yet?" asks Jim.

"No....." says Bud.

"Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in PHOENIX!!!"



FORUM MODERATOR
To contact Customer Service, use the SUPPORT form at the top of every woot page
••• ► Woot's Return Policy ◄ ••• ► Did you check your spam/junk folders for a CS reply?
CANCEL?? How to cancel your order in the first 15 minutes!! - except Woot-Offs & expedited orders

ThunderThighs


quality posts: 570 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff

Two blondes are walking down the road when one says, “Look at that dog with one eye!”

The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, “Where?”



FORUM MODERATOR
To contact Customer Service, use the SUPPORT form at the top of every woot page
••• ► Woot's Return Policy ◄ ••• ► Did you check your spam/junk folders for a CS reply?
CANCEL?? How to cancel your order in the first 15 minutes!! - except Woot-Offs & expedited orders

ThunderThighs


quality posts: 570 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff

There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand.

This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest grocery store. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system..



FORUM MODERATOR
To contact Customer Service, use the SUPPORT form at the top of every woot page
••• ► Woot's Return Policy ◄ ••• ► Did you check your spam/junk folders for a CS reply?
CANCEL?? How to cancel your order in the first 15 minutes!! - except Woot-Offs & expedited orders

ThunderThighs


quality posts: 570 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff

I recently turned 65 and had to choose a new primary care physician for my Medicare program.

After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I will live to be 80?"

He asked: Do you smoke tobacco or drink alcoholic beverages?"

"Oh no," I replied. "I don't do drugs, either."

"Do you have many friends and entertain frequently?"

"I said, "No, I usually stay home and keep to myself".

"Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"

I said, "No, my other doctor said that all red meat is unhealthy!"

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"

"No, I don't," I said.

"Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"

"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."

He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a doody?



FORUM MODERATOR
To contact Customer Service, use the SUPPORT form at the top of every woot page
••• ► Woot's Return Policy ◄ ••• ► Did you check your spam/junk folders for a CS reply?
CANCEL?? How to cancel your order in the first 15 minutes!! - except Woot-Offs & expedited orders

acemom


quality posts: 0 Private Messages acemom

OMG...I am watching a Jeffrey Dahmer thing on TV.
So.....
What was in Jeffrey Dahmer's sewing kit?




Belly buttons.



acemom


quality posts: 0 Private Messages acemom

So, Jeffrey Dahmer's parents are having dinner at his place.
Mom: "You know, Jeffrey, I really don't care for your neighbors"

Jeffrey: " Then push them aside and eat your vegetables!"



ThunderThighs


quality posts: 570 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.

"John," the new guy replied.

The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling."

"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."



FORUM MODERATOR
To contact Customer Service, use the SUPPORT form at the top of every woot page
••• ► Woot's Return Policy ◄ ••• ► Did you check your spam/junk folders for a CS reply?
CANCEL?? How to cancel your order in the first 15 minutes!! - except Woot-Offs & expedited orders

FenStar


quality posts: 16 Private Messages FenStar

There is a new drug out called chantix for smokers my sister was telling me about. I can't remember who here smoked, but they might want to look at it.

Still single, can't imagine why.

bluebledthesea


quality posts: 0 Private Messages bluebledthesea
FenStar wrote:There is a new drug out called chantix for smokers my sister was telling me about. I can't remember who here smoked, but they might want to look at it.



What makes you think they don't want to smoke?

FenStar


quality posts: 16 Private Messages FenStar
bluebledthesea wrote:What makes you think they don't want to smoke?

Why would they? I'm just telling them if they want to know, if not they can just ignore it.

Still single, can't imagine why.

ThunderThighs


quality posts: 570 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff

FenStar wrote:There is a new drug out called chantix for smokers my sister was telling me about. I can't remember who here smoked, but they might want to look at it.

Is this a joke?



FORUM MODERATOR
To contact Customer Service, use the SUPPORT form at the top of every woot page
••• ► Woot's Return Policy ◄ ••• ► Did you check your spam/junk folders for a CS reply?
CANCEL?? How to cancel your order in the first 15 minutes!! - except Woot-Offs & expedited orders

FenStar


quality posts: 16 Private Messages FenStar
daj59 wrote:Is this a joke?

Oups, I forgot this was the joke thread.

Still single, can't imagine why.

ThunderThighs


quality posts: 570 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff

FenStar wrote: Oups, I forgot this was the joke thread.

Sigh



FORUM MODERATOR
To contact Customer Service, use the SUPPORT form at the top of every woot page
••• ► Woot's Return Policy ◄ ••• ► Did you check your spam/junk folders for a CS reply?
CANCEL?? How to cancel your order in the first 15 minutes!! - except Woot-Offs & expedited orders

Lynnzoi


quality posts: 0 Private Messages Lynnzoi

A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since his family lives on a farm,
his mother asks if he has done his chores.

"Not yet," said the little boy.

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. He's a
little annoyed, but he goes to feed the chickens, and he does, he kicks
a chicken. As he feeds the cows, he kicks a cow. As he feeds the pigs,
he kicks a pig.

Then he goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of
dry cereal.

"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in
my cereal?" he asks.

"Well, his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any
eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for
a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't
getting any milk."

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway
across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile,
and
says, "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"

ThunderThighs


quality posts: 570 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff

Me likey!



FORUM MODERATOR
To contact Customer Service, use the SUPPORT form at the top of every woot page
••• ► Woot's Return Policy ◄ ••• ► Did you check your spam/junk folders for a CS reply?
CANCEL?? How to cancel your order in the first 15 minutes!! - except Woot-Offs & expedited orders

ThunderThighs


quality posts: 570 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff

I don't think I posted this one.....

A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, still asking him how she looks.
One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small.

Uncharacteristically, the husband comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper, and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asks.

"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.

The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?"

The husband shrugs, "Why not, it worked for your butt, didn't it?"


Another one where the obituary would have appeared the next day.



FORUM MODERATOR
To contact Customer Service, use the SUPPORT form at the top of every woot page
••• ► Woot's Return Policy ◄ ••• ► Did you check your spam/junk folders for a CS reply?
CANCEL?? How to cancel your order in the first 15 minutes!! - except Woot-Offs & expedited orders

Uncorked


quality posts: 0 Private Messages Uncorked

1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

3. The difference between the Pope and your boss...the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.

8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

9. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.

10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."

11. My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be treated, and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite."

12. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.

Domestic Zymologist since 1980