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Vitual Pumpkin Carving

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NSFW

A very vain and bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:

Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.
Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.


The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

Sir, Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.
Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.


Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint. The next day he gets a small parcel and a note which reads:

Dear Sir, Please find the enclosed bottle of molasses. Pour the molasses over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your posterior and go as a caramel apple.
Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.

Ben & Jerry's Halloween Site

impressive Wonder Woman costume.

Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are travelling through Europe in their car, sightseeing in Transylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, out of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses at them through the windshield.

"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Mary Agnes, "What should we do?"

"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Mary Vincent.

Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock the mini-Dracula around. But, he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns. "What shall I do now?" she shouts.

"Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy water before we left the Vatican," replies Sister Mary Vincent.

Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer. The vampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"Now what?" shouts Sister Mary Agnes.

"Show him your cross," says Sister Mary Vincent.

"Now you're talking," says Sister Mary Agnes. She then opens the window and shouts, "Get the hell off our car!"

Ten Signs You Are Too Old For Halloween


You get winded from knocking on the door

You have to have someone chew the candy for you

You ask for high fiber candy only.

When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.

People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.

When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and you can't remember the rest.

By the end of the night you have a bag full of restraining orders.

You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hair piece.

You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.

You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.

Go ahead, be a dork for Halloween.

How to stand out from the crowd

Candidate for grossest Halloween costume.

pooflady wrote:Ewwww.

I warned ya.

Interesting Halloween ideas. Be sure to scroll down to the gross eats.

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