WootBot


quality posts: 15 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

Ladies and gentlemen, put down your baseball gloves. Slide off your shinguards. Toss your pucks and basketballs in the dumpster; you'll never want to use them again. Because today is the day you learn about Kronum. Oh you haven't heard about Kronum? Well then you must be a complete sap because literally TENS of people are talking about it and whether or not it's actually real. Check it out...

 

 

See there's this field. But it's a circle. And each team puts 10 players out on it. Then there's a zone shaped like a cross, a zone shaped like some triangles, another zone for something else, uh…I don't know. To be honest I zoned out a bit because there are like 50 different zones. Then you've got your four goals, except each goal has five MORE tinier goals worth different points at the top of it. Oh and anyone can score in any goal at any time, apparently.

This is starting to look more and more like one of those ridiculous sports they make up for movies or television shows, like "Pyramid" in Battlestar Galactica, where you watch them play it and think "This requires greater suspension of my disbelief than spacefaring battleships. No one would willingly play a game this obtuse and disjointed." Seriously. There are like eight different scoring options. Umpires can't get calls right in baseball, and there's only one way to score: you touch home plate. Good luck finding a ref who can differentiate between the myriad scoring zones and goals on the fly. Every time someone scores there will be a 20-minute pause as players examine their field's Zapruder film trying to retrace their steps to figure out who was where when it happened.

But now they're doing it for real. Allegedly. To be honest their website is suspiciously slick and shiny and filled with ridiculous "team bios" that include information like "Have you ever seen the man in the moon? Check your eyes. It's an owl." Uh, what? Was this written by a C-list professional wrestler? There's also no way we can find to see where these clubs actually are. Sure it's a small league and they're probably all based in the same suburb or whatever, but it's kind of weird.

But now they're starting a Rec league and looking for people across the country to sign up and spend your weekends wondering when 19 more people are going to hear about this ridiculous made up sport hurling the Kronum ball or whatever you want to call it.

So let us know in the comments; would you play? What would your ridiculous invented team sport look like?
 

madfrisbee


quality posts: 6 Private Messages madfrisbee

Woot, you titans of web influence! You appear to have crashed the Kronum site.

G-Ride


quality posts: 3 Private Messages G-Ride

meh - I'll stick with Baseketball.

ajwatt


quality posts: 0 Private Messages ajwatt

Another option for the suburban white kids to play because the immigrant kids are all better than them at soccer

Andy

txdave13


quality posts: 1 Private Messages txdave13

I'll be playing Whack Bat until the ref calls "Hot Box!" Now, light that pine cone!

bsmith1


quality posts: 104 Private Messages bsmith1
txdave13 wrote:I'll be playing Whack Bat until the ref calls "Hot Box!" Now, light that pine cone!




Are you cussin' with me?

TaiZ


quality posts: 0 Private Messages TaiZ

That sounds an awful lot like "Speedball" that we used to play in gym.

neyfam2000


quality posts: 0 Private Messages neyfam2000

I'm thinking an all woot! league. Can't wait to see the Flying Monkeys take on the Leakfrogs in the championship game. Winner takes home the Roomba Cup!

eurekaiv


quality posts: 0 Private Messages eurekaiv

I just joined a pro thunderball league so no time for Kronum.

davidbowser


quality posts: 2 Private Messages davidbowser

Calvinball!

My ski team played "loserball" in highschool when it was really cold, but no snow. It was a soccer/rugby/basketball game played on frozen ground with a soccer ball. The refs could change the rules at any whistle play stoppage (goals, penalties, or out of bounds). Coed was key because our coaches would make different rules for boys and girls, like no-hands for girls, or no-feet for boys, or 3 step limits to increase ball movement. An hour of that in 20 degree weather was brutal.

NemmyX


quality posts: 0 Private Messages NemmyX
ajwatt wrote:Another option for the suburban white kids to play because the immigrant kids are all better than them at soccer



Hahaha!

rayray099


quality posts: 6 Private Messages rayray099

Well the goalie seems totally pointless. He's like Bugs Bunny playing every position

scottskillman


quality posts: 4 Private Messages scottskillman

Someone spent a lot of money on that? Um, Why?

kcmark


quality posts: 25 Private Messages kcmark

Kronum rocks and is 100% real. I've been playing it in my head for years. Every time I play 4-square and am waiting my turn to get back into the quad, I fantasize about scoring a Kronum from the Cross Zone.

kcmark


quality posts: 25 Private Messages kcmark

P.S. -- it's posts like this that make the Woot blog worth the price of admission.

cbame13


quality posts: 0 Private Messages cbame13

It's only available in the one town in Pennsylvania where it started. The site expressly says where and when the gym times are. Bit of a gyp for everyone else living in more interesting places who still want to play.