WootBot


quality posts: 15 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

You know what I really hate? When I open up my shirt drawer only to find that I accidentally threw a pair of boxers in there. Because I live by my decisions, which means I need to find a way to wear those boxers as a shirt. And no matter how much I innovate my boxers to be shirt-like, the bus driver still gives me a weird look.

Clearly, what I’m getting at here is that organization is the key to success. And if you want to organize stuff at your business, you’re going to need some filing cabinets. I shared the above anecdote from my life because filing cabinets are basically a dresser drawer for your business’s underwear – documents and files that comfort and protect your business’s metaphorical junk. (Important Note: DON’T wear any of your business’s documents as underwear because then if someone pulls down your pants as a prank, it could be considered insider trading...)

 

But here’s the thing about filing cabinets: everyone files their stuff the same way, alphabetically. This makes sense because it means you can hire new employees and they will automatically understand your system. But, on the other hand, if a spy from a rival company sneaks into your office, he can also crack the code. So to defend yourself, you’ll need to come up with a new filing system that will be clear to you and your employees but not spies, and we here at Sean University have a few ideas to get you started:
 
The Nude Photos System: You take folders and label them “totally naked supermodels,” “mostly naked super models,” “partially naked super models,” “clothed super models,” and “normal people in turtlenecks.” Then arrange your documents in these folders with least important documents going in the folders implying the most nudity and vice versa. Any spy who comes in will get distracted by the folders that say “totally naked supermodels,” but once he opens it, he’ll think, “These people think boring, unimportant business documents are sexy? Wow, I’d hate to see how lame the ‘normal people in turtlenecks’ folder is.” And then he’ll leave.  (Important Note: this system can totally backfire if your rival company employs a bunch turtleneck pervs as their spies.)

The Egg Beaters System: This is one of the simplest but also most expensive option. Basically, it works like this – you leave all your important documents filed the same way as before, but you add three more filing cabinets which you fill with egg beaters. Arrange the room so that these three are closest to the door. Then, if a spy shows up and starts going through your stuff, he’ll check the first few filing cabinets and think, “oh, this must be the room where they file their egg beaters, not their important documents.”


The Poisonous Snake System: Like the Egg Beaters System, this is a pretty simple solution, but unlike the egg beaters system, you don’t need to buy three extra filing cabinets. Just leave everything the same and then put one poisonous snake in each filing cabinet, so if someone breaks in, he’ll get bit! (Important Note: in order for this system to work, all employees must be snake charmers.)

The No Information System: This one is probably the most intriguing: all you need to do is run a business where you don’t do anything. Then if a spy shows up, there will be nothing for him to spy on. If you figure out how to run a business that doesn’t do anything but still makes enough money to stay in business, please contact me. I’d like to hear about that.


So we showed you ours, now you show us yours in the comments. Um, ideas for filing systems, that is.


 

 

EssenGrabow


quality posts: 3 Private Messages EssenGrabow

I believe in security through obfuscation. I have an incredible amount of documents and detritus on my desktop. It would take a lot of searching and thought to decide if any given document has any value, or is just an old McDonald's wrapper (sometimes its both, when Mom won't buy me any more printer paper).

dugaboggy


quality posts: 3 Private Messages dugaboggy

Can't you just slap a "biohazard waste" or "radioactive material" sticker on the cabinet and call it a day?