Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.
RIVERSIDE, Ill. (UPI) -- Illinois police said a burglary suspect discovered sleeping on a stranger's couch said he blacked out after drinking marshmallow vodka.
Court officials say the burglar will be extradited to Russia, where he will face a firing squad on the grounds that someone caught him drinking marshmallow vodka.
SAN YSIDRO, Calif. (UPI) -- A Mexican woman's visa was confiscated and she was returned to her country for allegedly trying to smuggle shark fins into the United States, officials said.
Police say they caught her in the usual way: by humming the theme from Jaws and seeing who in line giggled nervously.
NEW YORK (UPI) -- American rock band Van Halen has announced plans for a 2012 concert tour featuring its original lead singer, David Lee Roth.
The band has also announced plans to announce their next breakup, currently set for mid-summer.
ROME (UPI) -- Rome prosecutors opened an investigation Friday into a neo-Nazi group that allegedly compiled a blacklist of religious figures, politicians and journalists.
Sources say the success of the blacklist led many prominent neo-Nazis to question their long-held racist beliefs.
NEW YORK (UPI) -- Actress Tracey Gold has joined the cast of the TV movie "Arachnoquake," now shooting in Louisiana, Syfy said Tuesday.
On the heels of this news, everyone in the world sighed and nodded their heads with sad understanding.