Below are four ( 4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately . OK?

Let's find out just how clever you really are....

Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)

First Question:

Y ou are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?





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Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Try not to screw up next time. Now answer the second question, but don't take as much time as you took for the first question, OK?

Second Question:
I f you overtake the last person, then you are...? (scroll down)











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Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?


You're not very good at this, are you?




Third Question:
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.



Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30 Add another 1000 . Now add 20 . Now add another 1000 Now add 10 . What is the total?


Scroll down for answer.....









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Did you get 5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100.

If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator! Today is definitely not your day, is it? Maybe you'll get the last question right... Maybe.

Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?








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Did you Answer Nunu? NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary. Read the question again!


Okay, now the bonus round:

A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?








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He just has to open his mouth and ask...
It's really very simple.











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See what's free at AOL.com.

hi-dee-ho from Glasgow

Lynnzoi wrote:hi-dee-ho from Glasgow

Lynn! Hello. How are you? Are you having fun? What are you doing?

How you know if your boat's too small.

.

I laffed; I cried . . . I laffed until I cried . . .

daj59 wrote:After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America's recreational preferences:

1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: basketball.

2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: bowling.

3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: football.

4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball.

5. The sport of choice for middle management is: tennis.

6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: golf.


Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

Yay! I have footballs!!

//chops down apple tree to get the best apple.

And you also find out interesting things when you have sons, like...

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4- year old Boy.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin , TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

25. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

26. Big League Chew is a VERY temporary glue.

daj59 wrote:I love that list!

We could probably all add to it.

daj59 wrote:Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree. Share this with women who are good apples, even those who have already been picked!





Now Men.... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the doody out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

The apples on top are delusional from too much sun exposure.

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally the doctor asked him, "What happened to you?"

"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture."

We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end."

"I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt."

Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!"

"I don't remember much after that..."

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together.

Daryl arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Daryl said, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba."

The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba."

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two meanies."

"What? He had two a$$h@!e$?!" said the mortician.

"Yup, everyone knew he had two a$$h@!e$. Every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two a$$h@!e$.'"

daj59 wrote:Thirty Second Theater
presented by the
Thirty Second Bunnies

Star Wars

Pirates of the Caribbean 1 & 2

The Exorcist

March of the incontinent cougars

Brokeback Mountain

I love those! haven't seen pirates or march of the cougars yet, can't wait!

daj59 wrote:
My son found this short clip on the Odyssey when he was studying it last year in school. He showed it to the teacher who unfortunately didn't appreciate it as much.

but it is the BBC, that should count for something. If they have that accent, they automatically sound smarter

A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all."

"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.

The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

durn it

AZGman wrote:durn it

Durn it?

Why?

Millions suffer from it . . .

. . . Small Pepper Syndrome.

Terror is waking up and realizing your high school classmates are running the country.
Kurt Vonnegut

After his exam the doctor said to the elderly man: "You appear to be in
good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me
about?"

"In fact, I do," said the old man.

"After I have sex I am usually cold and chilly, and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty."

After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss
with me?"

The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.

The doctor then said to her: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He
claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the
first time, and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?"

"Oh that crazy old fart," she replied. "That's because the first time is
usually in January and the second time is usually in August."

Lynnzoi wrote: After his exam the doctor said to the elderly man: "You appear to be in
good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me
about?"

"In fact, I do," said the old man.

"After I have sex I am usually cold and chilly, and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty."

After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss
with me?"

The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.

The doctor then said to her: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He
claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the
first time, and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?"

"Oh that crazy old fart," she replied. "That's because the first time is
usually in January and the second time is usually in August."

Wish I was that vigorous!!

Subject: HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT


You gotta love this guy's explanation of hell.......
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
chemistry mid-term.

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared
it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have
the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that
exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a
member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one
religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase
exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because
Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter
Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all
Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman
year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take
into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.


The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows
that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct.....
leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being
which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A".