Lynnzoi


quality posts: 0 Private Messages Lynnzoi
Uncorked wrote:
spaghetti theory?...



more like spaghetti-o's

Uncorked


quality posts: 0 Private Messages Uncorked
Lynnzoi wrote:

more like spaghetti-o's

A bunch of tasteless ringlets treading in a thin, formless void!

Domestic Zymologist since 1980

Lynnzoi


quality posts: 0 Private Messages Lynnzoi
Uncorked wrote:A bunch of tasteless ringlets treading in a thin, formless void!



I dunno if we're tasteless.....but you pretty much got the rest of it right

Lynnzoi


quality posts: 0 Private Messages Lynnzoi

and I'm done fer the night......

remember to bring your tired, your poor, your humble jokes here tomorrow

sumthin to tickle the punny bone even

just remember...........no real life allowed

dontwantaname


quality posts: 13 Private Messages dontwantaname

Volunteer Moderator

Swell, I can't even say first page because I can't post here.

WE LURV YOU TOO! Dork!!!
No greater love is lost than that not shared.

pooflady


quality posts: 20 Private Messages pooflady

Bubba had Shingles

Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem that more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line? Here's what happened to Bubba:

Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said, Shingles. So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.

Bubba said, Shingles So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, Shingles. So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, shingles. The doctor asked, Where?

Bubba said, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want them ??



The biggest lie that I tell myself daily..."I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

stlwooter


quality posts: 0 Private Messages stlwooter
AZGman wrote:Keep your day-to-day mundane real existence out of here.

Let the fun begin . . .

Thought for the day.... Gawd, how I love logic in its purest form. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E. Coli) bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of Poop. However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, beer or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting. Remember: Water = Poop; Wine = Health. Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of crap .


What if it is the poop that is healthy?

Lynnzoi


quality posts: 0 Private Messages Lynnzoi
stlwooter wrote:
What if it is the poop that is healthy?



then the wine drinkers are sh1t outta luck

ThunderThighs


quality posts: 604 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff

Two women are shopping and talking about their husbands.

One says, "My husband said he was getting impatient with my mood swings, so he bought me a mood ring the other day to monitor my moods."

"How'd that work out?" asked the second woman.

"Well," said the first, "When I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big, flipping red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond."



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Lynnzoi


quality posts: 0 Private Messages Lynnzoi

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to
her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She
heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want
off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons
of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're
going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language
in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there
for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want
you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with
his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All
passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all
of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope
your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She
hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you
to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no
smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey
with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are
pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

Uncorked


quality posts: 0 Private Messages Uncorked

Today's greeting.....
"May the bird of paradise fly up your nose"
"May an elephant caress you with his toes"
"May your wife be plagued with runners in her hose"
"May the bird of paradise fly up your nose"

Domestic Zymologist since 1980

ThunderThighs


quality posts: 604 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff

A little girl and a little boy were at daycare.

The girl approached the boy and said, "Hey, Stevie, wanna play house?"

He said, "Sure! What do you want me to do?"

The girl replied, "I want you to communicate."

He said to her, "That word is too big. I have no idea what it means."

The little girl smirked and said, "Perfect. You can be the husband."



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AZGman


quality posts: 3 Private Messages AZGman

Tired of telemarketers?

Grumpy 'til the day I die.

terrybatey


quality posts: 2 Private Messages terrybatey

Let the fun begin . . .

AZ, Nice new thread. A place to escape the mundane. Sounds like a good idea. I think you need a few beach chairs and some sun.

pooflady


quality posts: 20 Private Messages pooflady
AZGman wrote:Tired of telemarketers?



Link doesn't work.



The biggest lie that I tell myself daily..."I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

AZGman


quality posts: 3 Private Messages AZGman
pooflady wrote:

Link doesn't work.



stooopid filters . . . http:// how to prank a telemarketer.ytmnd.com/

Ya gotta take out the spaces

Grumpy 'til the day I die.

terrybatey


quality posts: 2 Private Messages terrybatey

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot.

One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day. She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them.

Generally the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something she carried in her bag.

The couple assumed she was selling drugs, and debated calling the cops, but since they didn’t know for sure they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife said, “Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?”

He hadn’t and said so.

Then she said, “Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she’s really doing.”

Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave.

The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road.

“Well? Is she selling drugs?” she asked excitedly.

“No, she’s not,” he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

“Well? What is it, then? What does she do?” his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned and said, “She’s a battery salesperson.

“Batteries?” cried the wife.

“Yes,” he replied.

“She sells C cells by the sea shore.”

AZGman


quality posts: 3 Private Messages AZGman
terrybatey wrote:<snip>
“She sells C cells by the sea shore.”



<snerk>

Grumpy 'til the day I die.

dontwantaname


quality posts: 13 Private Messages dontwantaname

Volunteer Moderator

AZGman wrote:

<snerk>



You never said you wanted quality jokes.

WE LURV YOU TOO! Dork!!!
No greater love is lost than that not shared.

terrybatey


quality posts: 2 Private Messages terrybatey
dontwantaname wrote:

You never said you wanted quality jokes.


Do you feel pressured? If so.. you're not following the rules of the thread. Carefree I think is what he wants...opposite of the pressures of life. Put a joke if you want if not post some silly smiley or anything but the reality of life.

AZGman


quality posts: 3 Private Messages AZGman
dontwantaname wrote:

You never said you wanted quality jokes.



I enjoyed it.

Grumpy 'til the day I die.

dontwantaname


quality posts: 13 Private Messages dontwantaname

Volunteer Moderator

AZGman wrote:

I enjoyed it.



//note to self...snerk is good

WE LURV YOU TOO! Dork!!!
No greater love is lost than that not shared.

AZGman


quality posts: 3 Private Messages AZGman
dontwantaname wrote:

//note to self...snerk is good



Always has been . . .

Grumpy 'til the day I die.

pooflady


quality posts: 20 Private Messages pooflady
terrybatey wrote:
Do you feel pressured? If so.. you're not following the rules of the thread. Carefree I think is what he wants...opposite of the pressures of life. Put a joke if you want if not post some silly smiley or anything but the reality of life.



That's the longest playing smiley I've ever seen.



The biggest lie that I tell myself daily..."I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

dontwantaname


quality posts: 13 Private Messages dontwantaname

Volunteer Moderator

AZGman wrote:

Always has been . . .



snerk? It sounds bad.

WE LURV YOU TOO! Dork!!!
No greater love is lost than that not shared.

AZGman


quality posts: 3 Private Messages AZGman
dontwantaname wrote:

snerk? It sounds bad.



I consider it a cross between a snort and a chuckle . . .

Grumpy 'til the day I die.

dontwantaname


quality posts: 13 Private Messages dontwantaname

Volunteer Moderator

AZGman wrote:

I consider it a cross between a snort and a chuckle . . .



I will adjust my reaction to it.

WE LURV YOU TOO! Dork!!!
No greater love is lost than that not shared.

tall4agirl


quality posts: 0 Private Messages tall4agirl

David received a parrot for his birthday.

This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least rude.

David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example.

Nothing worked.

He yelled at the bird and the bird got worse.
He shook the bird and the bird got more angry and more rude.
Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer.

For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking, and screaming, then suddenly there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said: "I'm sorry that I might have offended you with my language and action and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior."

David was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued:

"May I ask what the chicken did?"

dontwantaname


quality posts: 13 Private Messages dontwantaname

Volunteer Moderator

tall4agirl wrote:David received a parrot for his birthday.

This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least rude.

David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example.

Nothing worked.

He yelled at the bird and the bird got worse.
He shook the bird and the bird got more angry and more rude.
Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer.

For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking, and screaming, then suddenly there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said: "I'm sorry that I might have offended you with my language and action and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior."

David was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued:

"May I ask what the chicken did?"



lol, I will send that onto the family!

WE LURV YOU TOO! Dork!!!
No greater love is lost than that not shared.

Lynnzoi


quality posts: 0 Private Messages Lynnzoi
AZGman wrote:

Sit on it and twist!

(we may have to take this to the Laffin' thread; it could get good!!!)



ding-ding-ding!!!!

ladies and gentlemen...tonight we have a very special offering for you...in this corner, wearing purple parachute pants and a snerk - A-Z-G-Man!!! and in this corner, wearing a bright birdhouse and a rat on her shoulder - Dont - Wanna - Name!!!!!

Now you both know the rules..keep it clean...no snerking below the belt!

Ding-ding-ding!!!!! Round 1!!!!!!

AZGman


quality posts: 3 Private Messages AZGman
dontwantaname wrote:
<some sort of blather>



Up yer snout with a stout trout.

Grumpy 'til the day I die.

ThunderThighs


quality posts: 604 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff

Lynnzoi wrote:

ding-ding-ding!!!!

ladies and gentlemen...tonight we have a very special offering for you...in this corner, wearing purple parachute pants and a snerk - A-Z-G-Man!!! and in this corner, wearing a bright birdhouse and a rat on her shoulder - Dont - Wanna - Name!!!!!

Now you both know the rules..keep it clean...no snerking below the belt!

Ding-ding-ding!!!!! Round 1!!!!!!


Purple parachute pants! Ooooooh baby!



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AZGman


quality posts: 3 Private Messages AZGman
daj59 wrote:
Purple parachute pants! Ooooooh baby!



Grumpy 'til the day I die.

terrybatey


quality posts: 2 Private Messages terrybatey
Lynnzoi wrote:

ding-ding-ding!!!!

ladies and gentlemen...tonight we have a very special offering for you...in this corner, wearing purple parachute pants and a snerk - A-Z-G-Man!!! and in this corner, wearing a bright birdhouse and a rat on her shoulder - Dont - Wanna - Name!!!!!

Now you both know the rules..keep it clean...no snerking below the belt!

Ding-ding-ding!!!!! Round 1!!!!!!


*pulls up chair*

AZGman


quality posts: 3 Private Messages AZGman
terrybatey wrote:
*pulls up chair*



Ya may be sittin' here awhile . . . d'name's off to buy dinner and my evening is windin' to a close in about 10 minutes . . .

Grumpy 'til the day I die.

terrybatey


quality posts: 2 Private Messages terrybatey
AZGman wrote:

Ya may be sittin' here awhile . . . d'name's off to buy dinner and my evening is windin' to a close in about 10 minutes . . .


Here's one for the road to bed.

OLD MAN
I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court. I noticed an
old man watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked
hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue.

The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find the
old man staring every time. When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically
asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

The old man did not bat an eye in his response,

"Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock.
I was just wondering if you were my son."

AZGman


quality posts: 3 Private Messages AZGman
terrybatey wrote:
Here's one for the road to bed.

OLD MAN
I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court. I noticed an
old man watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked
hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue.

The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find the
old man staring every time. When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically
asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

The old man did not bat an eye in his response,

"Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock.
I was just wondering if you were my son."




Bwahahahahahahahaha . . . me rikey ver' mush!!!

Grumpy 'til the day I die.

terrybatey


quality posts: 2 Private Messages terrybatey
AZGman wrote:


Bwahahahahahahahaha . . . me rikey ver' mush!!!


You're easy to please today. D'name wouldn't have had much of a fight if she stayed around tonight. Maybe tomorrow the rounds can start try and wake up grouchy pleeeasse. *making notation check woot every half hour after D'name signs on*

terrybatey


quality posts: 2 Private Messages terrybatey

Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas
mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath
of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead
in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police
station.

The conversation went like this:

"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day to your self. This is Father O'Malley at St.
Brigid's. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so
kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk
in his voice, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people
took care of the last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.
Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, 'tis certainly true, but we are also
obliged to notify the next of kin."

ThunderThighs


quality posts: 604 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff

A very self-important college freshman attending a recent football game took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.

"You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one," the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. "The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars. We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing, and...," pausing to take another drink of beer.

The Senior took advantage of the break in the student's litany and said,

"You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young... so we invented them. Now, you arrogant little doody, what are you doing for the next generation?"

The applause was resounding...



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