WootBot


quality posts: 15 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

Super Bowl, schmuper bowl—we spent most of the weekend combing through our archives looking for forgotten treasures. It wasn’t easy, it wasn’t rewarding, and it wasn’t even very much fun.

But from literally hundreds of recordings, finally we selected a few that might stand up to a second listen.

So, just as we promised last week, here’s a plumber’s dozen of the least-terrible Woot podcasts for your listening pleasure. We’ve also provided album cover art below, in case your fancy newfangled mp3 player supports it.

Click "read more" to, er, hear more!

01. A Hub A Hub
This song accompanied the Toshiba Docking Station and USB Hub we sold on July 26, 2006. Of the hundreds of ditties the Woot podcast team has ground out, this song is probably the acme of our lyric-writing achievement. See if you’re clever enough to catch the references to a certain English Romantic poet and Laran, the Etruscan god of war, in the second verse!

02. I’m Gonna Melt Some Chocolate Down
Like a sexy vampire, the fulsome beat of “I’m Gonna Melt Some Chocolate Down” nauseates even as it arouses. The song was written for the Salton Chocolate Treat Maker Two-Pack we ran on December 12, 2006.

03. Stranded In My Car
We’re going to go ahead and claim that the terrifying scenario described in this song helped us sell a record-setting number of Vector Jump Start Systems with Air Compressors on September 29, 2006. After all, no one’s going to go back and check.

04. A Little Chicken Limb
September 18, 2007 was Chicken Day on the Woot network, with a 2-pack of SnacDaddy wing plates on woot and our “Hot Wings” tee on shirt.woot. This was the soundtrack that had us all doing the funky farmyard fowl.

05. “Cats & Dogs” Wherever I Go
The date was November 9. The year: 2006. The item for sale on Woot was an Audiovox Portable DVD Player. The podcast was this heartfelt paean to the 2001 film that remains our favorite piece in Sean Hayes’s ouevre, which isn’t actually saying all that much.

06. Kim Jong Il, Would You Please Just Chill?
When North Korean nuke tests were in the news back in October of 2006, internet users around the world yearned for the in-depth geopolitical analysis that can only be found in the Woot podcast. They might not have said so, but they did, they totally yearned. And the podcast team obliged.

07. Coffee, Coffee, Coffee
Want to know a secret about this podcast for the Cuisinart Grind and Brew Thermal 10-Cup Coffee Maker we ran on April 24, 2006? No one on our podcast team even drinks coffee. That sipping sound at the end is just water. Ah, sound effects magic!

08. Might Have Seen A Monster
This bouncy little number went online on Hallowe’en of 2007. More than anything else, it demonstrates how few words there are that rhyme with “Dracula.”

09. Washington & Lincoln
Our Presidents’ Day salute to half of the heads on Rushmore, this patriotic hymn ran on February 16, 2007. President Buchanan, one day you’ll get your musical due, too!

10. Wesley Snipes, Don’t Let Them Take You To Jail
Our records aren’t so good for October, 2006, so we can’t tell you what day this podcast debuted. We can tell you, though, that the podcast team badly wanted to re-run it a few days ago when Wes’s tax troubles were in the news again. Anything to get out of a day’s work, those guys.

11. I’M IN UR KITCHN SCRUBBN UR FL00RZ
In an attempt to push yet another semi-autonomous floor-cleaning machine on the wooting public, we kicked it old school, busting sick rhymes on the subject of the iRobot Scooba on August 7, 2006. Whether it had any effect on sales, no one recalls.

12. Center Channel Speaker in the Middle
This song, written for the Boston Acoustics center channel speaker we sold on March 7 of 2007, is based on a true story.

13. C-Span Beach Party
The podcast about Honestech’s My-IPTV Anywhere Deluxe gizmo back on September 5, 2007, somehow failed to spark a watching-C-Span-while-sunbathing fad. We should have run it in the summer, probably.

14. I Never Got to Tell You – Dude, You’re Gonna Get Yourself Killed (Song for the Crocodile Hunter)
If we recall correctly, this song for Steve Irwin was actually created to answer a Listener Mailbag email in which some wooter requested a song about the untimely demise of everyone’s favorite wildlife annoyer. “Too soon,” we thought, but it was like the first request the podcast had ever received (besides STFU), so we answered it.

There you have ‘em! Fourteen Woot podcasts, back from the grave! No doubt we neglected the only one you ever liked very much. Tell us all about it!

gilfilent


quality posts: 7 Private Messages gilfilent

I can sleep tight tonight..

whitekenny


quality posts: 2 Private Messages whitekenny

no B-A-G of C-R-A-P, Cal-En-Dar of C-R-A-P, or Shanty of Bluetooth podcasts? are you saving those for volume 2?

Gatzby


quality posts: 43 Private Messages Gatzby

I would have bet on the wine.woot debut podcast making it into the running. That's one of my favorites.

Did you know shirt.woot ships internationally? Get you some!
Why do my posts always get deleted? -- Noise Reduction -- Try it in podcast format.
No, you can't have our iPod, keys, or Lego. Sorry.

deaths113sun


quality posts: 0 Private Messages deaths113sun

NO Shanty of Bluetooth aare ye mad. Next time give us all your bluetooth and we will be happy. Bluetooth reminds me of Captain Hubbard !

dreyfusslugado


quality posts: 0 Private Messages dreyfusslugado

What?! No Teeny Lamborghini?

matthew


quality posts: 20 Private Messages matthew
deaths113sun wrote:NO Shanty of Bluetooth aare ye mad. Next time give us all your bluetooth and we will be happy. Bluetooth reminds me of Captain Hubbard !



All of them? There are something like 25 Bluetooth podcasts. Posting them all on one page might make Woot the object of a new Amnesty International letter-writing campaign against aural torture.

Sirolly


quality posts: 0 Private Messages Sirolly

Admit I don't catch the podcast every day, but to date I've permanently enshrined two in my iTunes Library:


Suggests I mainly go for the most melodic "junk pop" crooning + comedically exasperated smack talkin' dialogues. So odds are lookin' good right now for "Superbowl Ix-nay," too (February 4, 2008). (Grinned at what might be a trifecta "One More Minute"-meets-A Christmas Story-meets-"That's What I Like About The North" nod in the lyrics... Though, for whatever reason, the pod-ditty stirs some strange impulse to tell off Jim Dale. Like, "No, it's Passamaquoddy.")

normanack


quality posts: 0 Private Messages normanack

The one about getting directions to the interstate. "I. Have. No Idea."

My son says you did one about "DOTS! MORE DOTS!" but I don't remember it. Maybe the profanities made me deaf. What?

Thanks for bringin' them back.

boredterry


quality posts: 0 Private Messages boredterry
normanack wrote:The one about getting directions to the interstate. "I. Have. No Idea."

My son says you did one about "DOTS! MORE DOTS!" but I don't remember it. Maybe the profanities made me deaf. What?

Thanks for bringin' them back.



Steelsound 5H USB V2 Professional Gaming Headset -- October 11, 2007

If anyone has the name of that Podcast, please post it!

kalyha


quality posts: 0 Private Messages kalyha

I wish I remembered the one that I loved so much. I think it had to do with forming a band. I laughed at the time, and shared it with others, but neglected to save it.
I also love a hub a hub. Thanks for posting it.

kenney9226


quality posts: 7 Private Messages kenney9226

I really enjoyed, "It's Friday.... ah, Screw It!"

SilverFear


quality posts: 0 Private Messages SilverFear

Woot, I <3 you.

Totally made my morning.

50DKPMinus from 10/11/07 is the DOTS, MORE DOTS!!! (i'm at work and don't know how to host it anywhere for people's viewing (hearing) pleasure, but maybe some of you can find it)

Edit: Nevermind, the link is posted a few posts above mine (i haven't had my morning coffee yet..)

Woot x3 - Microsoft Zune 30GB Digital Media Player (White), Audiovox BU-1 Vehicle Security Back Up Alarm, Pinnacle “Woot” TV PCTV HD Pro Stick
Shirt.Woot x10 - Uh-Oh, Finding Technicolor, Uranium: 92 Protons of Boom, Game Time, Random (3 shirts), Random (3 shirts), Random (3 shirts), Random (3 shirts), To the Top in the Style of Da Vinci, Birth of the Moon
Wine.Woot x1 - Wellington Vineyards Quartet

jazzwins


quality posts: 0 Private Messages jazzwins

Fabulous - I just wish there were more. Bring on the Savage Sounds of the Woot Podcast complete collection.

Not torture just woot podcast goodness

Two of my favorites
Who's stupid idea was doing a podcast everyday
and the Leak Frog
They help me find a smile when I'm having a bad day

dnbugman


quality posts: 0 Private Messages dnbugman

That was for Microsoft Streets and Trips with GPS locator, and is definitely a classic.


Directions to US 12

whitekenny


quality posts: 2 Private Messages whitekenny
matthew wrote:All of them? There are something like 25 Bluetooth podcasts. Posting them all on one page might make Woot the object of a new Amnesty International letter-writing campaign against aural torture.



all the bluetooth podcasts are different...? i didn't know that. i only listened to 1 of them, and just figured that you recycled the same 'shanty of bluetooth' song everytime you posted a new bluetooth item.

JoeDeeDee


quality posts: 1 Private Messages JoeDeeDee

I need the teeny lamborghini! now I gotta go looking for it....

unknownwarrior33


quality posts: 1 Private Messages unknownwarrior33

And they said I was being "charitable" for suggesting that the podcast songs were popular! I knew I couldn't be the only one. I don't think I've heard any of these, so I'm gonna download them.

Yasper25


quality posts: 0 Private Messages Yasper25

Two of my absolute favorites are missing! Razor Mouse vs. Lazar Wolf from May 19, 2006 and Monkeyprize from December 4, 2006.

johnlduncan


quality posts: 0 Private Messages johnlduncan

Thank you Woot!

But where is a Woot-Off Remix?

mjc613


quality posts: 48 Private Messages mjc613

You did it! You did it!!! Thank you!

But the little voice in the back of head says "What about the woot-off song!?" I agree with WhiteKenny's comment as well, about the B-A-G of C-R-A-P. Another one of my favoites. As for Bluetooth, I guess it could fill a whole album of its own.

I realize that these are songs we get to hear more often (BUT NOT OFTEN ENOUGH HAR HAR!!!!), so you couldn't say they were back from the grave. But aren't graves messy anyway?

ertolsma


quality posts: 13 Private Messages ertolsma

My faves:

If'n We Don't Clear the Air
Pre-GPS Directions to US12
Just Projecting
This Song is Not About Today’s Item
Thoughts On Image Resolution
When Tax Attacks
Who's the Law to Say I Drive Too Fast

These are all ridiculously fantastic and I listen to them all the time. I hope the tax song gets repeated this year

mketner


quality posts: 0 Private Messages mketner

Come on just one Bluetooth the pirate song. I love those. The crocodile hunter song is a classic however.

50+ Woots and Counting

amykate


quality posts: 4 Private Messages amykate

LOVE the Halloween one! I keep an embarrasing number of the Wootcasts on my iPod, but I'll just add that I really enjoyed the "Gift week" (12/3/07) podcast and the July 4th, 2007 one.

mattmartell


quality posts: 1 Private Messages mattmartell

gotta say... I totally loved the anonymous cast the other night. I laughed so hard... I have downloaded it and listened to it many times since... If you do this best woot cast thingy again sometime you gotta post the anon cast... It's classic.

"First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then flingest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."

jitspoe


quality posts: 4 Private Messages jitspoe
dreyfusslugado wrote:What?! No Teeny Lamborghini?



My thoughts, too. One of, if not the, best pod casts.

I'm surprised I missed ahub. Thought I caught all the podcasts.

PoorMan


quality posts: 0 Private Messages PoorMan

Last year's "Hanukkah's On"!

I'm gonna macca on my baby like a Maccabee
'Cause when the sun goes down tonight, baby, Hanukkah's on!

Sixsmith


quality posts: 2 Private Messages Sixsmith

gota love hearing old stuff again especialy the coffee one which i hadn't heard before.
Although i do miss having a shanty of the Bluetooth my favorite one is the one where Blue Tooth says "aye i like big boats i can not lie"

fing11


quality posts: 0 Private Messages fing11

I don't remember the name of the podcase, but I'm missing some "Hey little Billy Keene, we know just where you've been..."

cavagnaro


quality posts: 0 Private Messages cavagnaro

*giggles* tee-hees!

Just what I needed.
When's the CD coming out?

johnlduncan


quality posts: 0 Private Messages johnlduncan

These should be preloaded on woot mp3s!

theanaconda


quality posts: 1 Private Messages theanaconda

no "Don't Burn Down The Neighborhood" (day before halloween 2007, IIRC)? That one was my absolute favorite, in fact I'd like to hear that one fleshed out further and made into a full song

aausterm


quality posts: 0 Private Messages aausterm

I would have to say that Who Would Win: Hulk vs. Superman? should be included. Me and my friends all started cracking up when we heard it.

Hulk vs. Superman (June 8)

brendenp


quality posts: 1 Private Messages brendenp

I dont post often, but I feel this needs a bump...

Shanty of Bluetooth is classic. Anyone got a link?

baffles


quality posts: 1 Private Messages baffles

The 09-F9 one was a classic too. I also remember some TV one or something that was good too.

09-F9: http://www.woot.com/Files/20070503-DM9KP8.mp3

madsci1016


quality posts: 0 Private Messages madsci1016

My personal favorite is "Great Big Tee-Vee".

Besides that are the woot off song, which is always a good morning for me,
And the bluetooth shanty of course.

Seems like some of the greats are missing.

krockls1


quality posts: 0 Private Messages krockls1

Bring Back the Lazer Mouse one that was based on some happenings from Fiddler on the Roof! One of the BEST, IMO!

JillW1


quality posts: 0 Private Messages JillW1

Whate about Sept's "Pirate Talk" lessons????????

unknownwarrior33


quality posts: 1 Private Messages unknownwarrior33

I finally got around to downloading these (you'd think I'd be the first one to do so, but alas, no). Awesome stuff.

I'm so proud of myself.

snosnam


quality posts: 0 Private Messages snosnam

I have downloaded 29 Shanties of Blluetooth (well, 28 plus pirate speach the easy way) - should I admit that anywhere but here?