In the shadowy, distant past, we asked you to show us a label for a wine marketed by another tech or web company. Now that we've finally escaped that awful place, and all those messed up celebrities, we're busy sampling the wines that resulted. Among the vintage offerings were these, sure to surprise and delight:
First Place - $100
xexus - xexus.us
"Next up: Xexus 100% organic juices."
Second Place - $50
tim8604 - newegg
Very yolky, slightly sulphurous, just a hint of chicken. Aroma is reminiscent of chickencrap.
Third Place - $20
tehpwnerer - MacWine Air
Is this what cloud computing means?
hyunelan2 - GM broke as hell Zinfandel
We're not gonna drink it any more!
fedupoldhag - Smoking Gun Apple Wine
Just a hint of oak, very dry. Strong cordite overtones. You might not want to drink this straight from the bottle.
Corrado - Napster wine
Really, more of a house wine...
taipan - Pets.com Investor wine
"Step out of the car please. Cletus, sit. Roll over. Walk that straight line there, please. Close your eyes and touch your nose with your paw. Quit humping my leg." And you should hear what the officer says to the dog!
wantabewooter - Craigslist Garage Sale Pinot Grigio
Sorry, I can't take a check drawn on a Nigerian bank.
allcirca - Pirate Bay Pruno
Let's work on making sure nothing like this is ever submitted again, OK?
Money winners, please email your Paypal info to email@example.com. Monkey Prize winner, please email your shipping address to firstname.lastname@example.org. Make sure you then go to the next MPWA meeting in your town. You'll eventually need to: Declare that "I am a monkey prize winner. I last scored a monkey prize on January 32nd, 2009 for my Pruno Wine horror. I swear that I will NEVER, EVER submit anything like that horror to ANY online site again. My family all have agreed to restrain me if they ever see such an image on my monitor again. My hard drive has image recognition software that will pixelate any such design. The non-disable-able Speelcheck will filter "pruno" to "Please help me, I am a Monkey Prize Winner and about to fall off the banana wagon"". I have been monkey-clean for 68 days. Honorable Mentioneers may use coupon code HONMEN-FS for free shipping on a future order. Until next time remember: 'I want to go to Miami' is not a wine that will ever be sold at Wine.woot.com.