WootBot


quality posts: 15 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

Bzzzz! The buzz-makers are abuzz with anticipation about Google's announcement of a broad new social product later today. We've peered deeply into our Gopher-interoptable crystal ball to see what that might be...

  1. Google Attic: upload your clothes right from your closet and store your whole out-of-season wardrobe in "the cloud".
  2. Google Wallflower: generates a stable of AI "friends" so you can have a thriving social network without fear of actual human contact.
  3. Google Infinite Loop: tweets your Facebook status updates that syndicate your retweets of your Facebook updates about your tweets...
  4. Google MailFight: assigns Dexterity, Strength and Charisma ratings to your gmail messages, allowing them to battle each other, level up, and unlock exclusive email sigs.
  5. Google PickItUp: sets your gmail messages to an infectious ska beat.
  6. Google ?: the ultimate in microblogging: one-character status updates.
  7. Google Nexus Three: a new handheld device like the Nexus One, but three times bigger, and without the phone functions.
  8. Google Bouncer: pre-screens friend requests before you receive them and alerts you when it turns someone down. It may raise privacy concerns, but isn't it worth it to ensure you never get a friend request from an ex?
  9. Google ThoughtCounts: automatically emails your contacts on the day after their birthdays, to tell them you totally meant to send an e-card.
  10. Google Sharia: a fully-integrated social network for you and your friends to coordinate honor killings, public stonings, punitive amputations, and burning down girls' schools. Plan meetups, vote for your favorites, and share (non-idolatrous) pictures and video!
  11. Google Id: with a combination of biometric technology and detailed search-history analysis, it senses your real search desires, regardless of what you say you want.
  12. Google CheerUp: when showing 0 new messages, Gmail randomly re-routes an email from someone else's Inbox so you don't feel lonely.
  13. Google CrimeAgainstNature: merges data with 23andMe to ensure that that gal you're flirting with isn't actually your 4th cousin.
  14. Google Throwback: allows Netscape users to choose between Altavista, Webcrawler, HotBot, or Infoseek skins for retro-search cool. Only indexes material posted before 1998.
  15. Google InviteOnly: social invite network allows you to invite your friends so they can get their own invites to invite people with.
  16. Google Caddyshack 2000: Google remakes the 1981 comedy, to see how many people will still defend Google no matter what. Starring Dane Cook, Kim Kardashian, Vince Vaughn, Snooki, the Orange County Choppers guys, and Chevy Chase, and featuring Verne Troyer as The Gopher.
  17. Google Wave: No, seriously. This time you guys'll love it.

What are your inside contacts telling you about this world-shattering announcement? (Yes, the contacts inside your mind count, too.)

                    

deadmongoose


quality posts: 4 Private Messages deadmongoose

Loving Google MailFight. Though I would only work for me with Google CheerUp because I have no friends. Woe is me.

BIGELLOW


quality posts: 12 Private Messages BIGELLOW

It'll be Google Buzz.

http://buzz.google.com

badboypolar


quality posts: 12 Private Messages badboypolar

I heard it will be GBookZon. A three way mash up of email, social networking and online shopping.

archshrk


quality posts: 7 Private Messages archshrk

#17 should be Google Wave Goodbye.

As for the new social network, I'm thinking it will be Google-Eyes since they will now see everything you do or think.

Visit archshrk.com. You know you want to.

alcstarheel


quality posts: 0 Private Messages alcstarheel

Nexus Three baby. It's all I need when I want "mobile" computing ... at home.

"For every shot you see me take, there's a thousand you don't see."

N8Gr878


quality posts: 0 Private Messages N8Gr878
deadmongoose wrote:Loving Google MailFight.



Agreed. Could make for a nice little Google Labs add-in to Gmail. Certain words or numbers trigger certain stats, MvM (mail vs mail) arena (opt in, of course), RPG quest for single player to fight spam ...

I've thought about this too much already. Thanks Woot for killing my RL productivity.

arnott


quality posts: 1 Private Messages arnott

It is Google Buzz !

werdwerdus


quality posts: 15 Private Messages werdwerdus
Google Nexus Three [iPad]: a new handheld device like the Nexus One [iPhone], but three times bigger, and without the phone functions.



Apple released that, it's called the iPad

llandar


quality posts: 32 Private Messages llandar
werdwerdus wrote:Apple released that, it's called the iPad



Man. And to think we missed the chance to craft a joke about it.

Gatzby


quality posts: 43 Private Messages Gatzby
werdwerdus wrote:Apple released that, it's called the iPad



Wait, what? Do you have a link for that?

Did you know shirt.woot ships internationally? Get you some!
Why do my posts always get deleted? -- Noise Reduction -- Try it in podcast format.
No, you can't have our iPod, keys, or Lego. Sorry.

sgoman5674


quality posts: 41 Private Messages sgoman5674
werdwerdus wrote:Apple released that, it's called the iPad



Have you already gotten one or signed up on the waiting list for it? If Apple also sold iSarcasm, would you also get that too?

doctorclark


quality posts: 9 Private Messages doctorclark

Woot seems a little too excited about Google Sharia.

Also, I had to: http://www.hotbot.com/?query=vern+troyer

Thanks, Woot!

What's it going to be then, eh?

sgoman5674


quality posts: 41 Private Messages sgoman5674

So why on the sidebar does it say "17 Predictions About Google's Big Announcement Today", while the subject on the blog is 16?

Edit: Fixed! Thanks whoever you are!

cjkyle


quality posts: 2 Private Messages cjkyle

can someone please greasemonkey up #4???
woot, this post made me laugh a lot. i'll buy a roomba next time, i promise.

raebee


quality posts: 21 Private Messages raebee

Google Id: with a combination of biometric technology and detailed search-history analysis, it senses your real search desires, regardless of what you say you want.

I really hope they don't implement this function at work, I'm pretty sure all I'd get every time I search was blocked sites and probably fired.


Where do you find a Roomba? At the Innba!

bsmith1


quality posts: 106 Private Messages bsmith1
llandar wrote:Man. And to think we missed the chance to craft a joke about it.



Love it.

Gatzby


quality posts: 43 Private Messages Gatzby
raebee wrote:Google Id: with a combination of biometric technology and detailed search-history analysis, it senses your real search desires, regardless of what you say you want.

I really hope they don't implement this function at work, I'm pretty sure all I'd get every time I search was blocked sites and probably fired.



Sadly, I've determined that I would just be assaulted by a barrage of banana pudding, hamburgers, and narwhal-related content.

Did you know shirt.woot ships internationally? Get you some!
Why do my posts always get deleted? -- Noise Reduction -- Try it in podcast format.
No, you can't have our iPod, keys, or Lego. Sorry.

shylor


quality posts: 0 Private Messages shylor

I really hate who people think wave and buzz are the same thing.

One is what your friends are up to. The other is good for development and email/chat taking.

Right now I have a team developing a browser based game using wave and its been the best system out there for it.

bonsaihalcyon


quality posts: 0 Private Messages bonsaihalcyon
llandar wrote:Man. And to think we missed the chance to craft a joke about it.



Ohhhhhh, snap!

Seriously, though, someone get started on MailFight.
Also, CheerUp is hilarious, and Bouncer and ThoughtCounts will probably actually exist some time in the near future.

just toss it in the back with the others

stevewright


quality posts: 1 Private Messages stevewright
doctorclark wrote:
Also, I had to: http://www.hotbot.com/?query=vern+troyer



I recently talked to a colleague who swears by Altavista and uses it all the time. When I told her it was actually Yahoo, she refused to believe me and insisted that she gets completely different results. HotBot probably has some loyal users too.