WootBot


quality posts: 14 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

We don't know how it happened. Maybe the whiteboard was enchanted. Maybe Matthew's Million-Dollar Ideas are imbued with an as-yet poorly understood mystical force. Or maybe we were being stalked, and our stalker waited to pounce until we were lost in rubber dog turd humidor reveries…

Woot superfan SBCJester is the auteur behind the following joint. We use the French term to let you know that if there's something in the following video that you don't understand, it's because you're not smart enough. Take it away, Vladimir!

Seriously, people! You could leave your half-smoked cigar inside it, go inside to check out our CES 2011 coverage, and your cigar would be protected from the elements and thieves. Not even the most desperate cigar thief is going to mess with what they think is a dog turd.

 

Slydon


quality posts: 15 Private Messages Slydon

Staff

Sorry about the little accident before with the open tag that trashed the page. Vegas is a pretty wild place. We should be good now.

Hi, I'm one of the writers. My powers are limited but I'll do what I can.

bpr2


quality posts: 160 Private Messages bpr2
Slydon wrote:Sorry about the little accident before with the open tag that trashed the page. Vegas is a pretty wild place. We should be good now.



After the part with the fire, a monkey with a fire cape should have been shown! THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN AWESOME!

Also, the female monkey should have been a pink cape!

Then again, woot hasn’t printed any flame caped monkeys or pink mini monkeys. :’(

that was fun while it lasted!

SBCJester21


quality posts: 9 Private Messages SBCJester21

So far my trip to Vegas has been pretty good. I've driven all around the city and seen all the bright lights and scantily clad women. I've played a bunch of poker and havn't lost any money yet. But the best thing by far was finding the w00t.com booth at CES 2011!

The one thing that I immediately figured out was that the w00t booth was LITERALLY the furthest point possible from any hot women promoting 3-D TVs or anything else cool for 2011! Then I found out Jason Toon was there and it all made sense ;o)

I also met someone claiming to be Matthew, though as you can see by their blog post, there are mysteriously no photos of this person. Was it really Matthew? Or was it a body double or possibly even a Clone of the Original Matthew made after Amazon disposed of him and the rest of the Audio-Only w00t-cast team? We may never know for sure, but it was still pretty cool to meet the people behind w00t!

Later this week I will probably post some pix of Vlad's trip to the West Coast and his hunt to find his w00t creators!

SBCJester21


quality posts: 9 Private Messages SBCJester21

Be sure to check the Original Vlad Video, as "Seen On w00t!"

Vladimir the Irradiated w00t Monkey's "Inception" Video

sgsax


quality posts: 5 Private Messages sgsax

Jester: sheer brilliance, but I was hoping for a dog turd humidor to pop out of the box.

SBCJester21


quality posts: 9 Private Messages SBCJester21

And so, Vlad's First Trip to Vegas could only be heralded as an unparalled success. Vlad saw many impressive sights this past weekend. Some of the most impressive were at CES 2011.



As Vlad approached the convention, he realized that he had forgotten to actually register for CES 2011! Not that it mattered much as he has no form of ID, much less two! But Vlad's quest to find his w00t creators would not be foiled by such mundane requirements. So he set forth to find a way in.



Overall, security seemed pretty lax. He thought about stealing this unattended police car, but Vlad didn't like the idea of getting tazered.



So Vlad decided to sneak inside by hiding in someone's back pocket. He quickly found a likely canidate.



He was able to sneak past two unsuspecting security guards:



But mysteriously, he was quickly found by this security guard:



After requesting that she search him repeatedly, he was finally set loose onto CES 2011!

SBCJester21


quality posts: 9 Private Messages SBCJester21

One of the first areas that Vlad found was LG's 3D TV demo area. There are several things in this picture that Vlad would like to see in 3D!



The LG girls were very helpful and were more than willing to show off everything to Vlad.




As Vlad looked about, he found the Creative Labs booth. This lady told Vlad all about how she could help him make his room thump.



Vlad moved on and found these ladies. While it's hard to tell from the foto, these girls not only had weird hair, they were freakishly tall!


Vlad liked the idea of being held by two girls, so set out to find some more, but the girl in the background didn't want to be photographed.




A short time later, Vlad was able to find two willing girls.



Of course, w00t screaming monkeys can never be satisfied with just one experience so he found a couple more ladies. They liked it kind of rough though.



Vlad did find out that the girl on the left wasn't just pretty, she's also an actress! You can find out all about her here.

After all this girl-girl action, Vlad was feeling kinda dirty, so he went back to the LG area to have this nice lady give him a bath.

SBCJester21


quality posts: 9 Private Messages SBCJester21

While Vlad was certainly enjoying all the attention, he still would not be deterred from his quest to find his w00t creators. Looking at the booths with all the pretty girls wasn't working, so Vlad decided to embark on a different tactic. He decided to follow his nose and look for pizza.



Many a w00ter died while gorging himself on pizza.

This lead Vlad to this booth. Definately no girls here.



Vlad found the NBC Universal booth. I tried to stop him, but he gave him a middle pawwed salute for their recent cancelling of Stargate: Universe (They own the SyFhilis channel) and for last years betrayal of Conan O'Brian.



Vlad could sense that he was getting closer.



And then, in the crappiest corner of the South Hall, far from anything resembling hot women and filled with the stench of fried food, Vlad finally found what he'd been searching for.



Vlad stalked his prey from a distance, watching their every move.



But Vlad grew tired of watching them gorge themselves on Slim Jims and fried twinkies and talked to a guy who claimed to run deals.w00t.com.



Vlad wasn't too impressed and entertained himself with the vibrating mouse. He did find out though, that Matthew and t00n had already left the booth for the day. Having already searched high and low, Vlad knew he was going to need some outside help in finding them.

Stay Tuned for the FINAL Episode of "Vlad's Search for his w00t Creators"!

SBCJester21


quality posts: 9 Private Messages SBCJester21

So Vlad set out get help to find Matthew and t00n. Not knowing where else to turn, he found Penn & Teller.



Penn was moved by Vlad's story and told Vlad that he'd help as long as Vlad would be part of their show at the Rio. Penn also promised that Teller wouldn't eat him, even though Teller is always hungry.



They gave Vlad really a really good seat to watch the show.



Penn entertained the masses with some pre-show jazz.



After the show started, they had Vlad come on stage.



Vlad signed an envelope for one of their tricks.




Penn & Teller also invited some hot blond up too.



They told her and Vlad to get into a box...



And then once the magical incantations were spoken, Vlad was instantly transported back to CES 2011. Little did t00n know that his rubber dog-turd humidor was the key to Vlad finding them, but find them he did.

Little did Vlad know that Matthew's connections with the NSA prevent w00t vid-cast personnel from being digitally recorded!



Much like the novelty-factor of the rubber dog-turd humidor itself, the effects of it's spell were short-lived. But one side-effect of Penn & Teller's magic was that after Vlad disappeared in a puff of smoke, he reappeared somewhere much more entertaining.



And so Vlad's quest was finally fulfilled and he set forth to find new w00t-inspired adventures!

matthew


quality posts: 17 Private Messages matthew

Staff

SBCJester21 wrote:Little did Vlad know that Matthew's connections with the NSA prevent w00t vid-cast personnel from being digitally recorded!



I use a special moisturizing, pixellating daily facial cleanser.

SBCJester21


quality posts: 9 Private Messages SBCJester21
matthew wrote:I use a special moisturizing, pixellating daily facial cleanser.



I hear it's made from Pixie Dust (which is made from dried and crushed pixies).

It's too bad yous guys didn't hang around more. We could've gone to AEE 2011 and/or the 2011 AVN Awards!

faughtey


quality posts: 19 Private Messages faughtey

Staff

While the too many picture's of women were not interesting to me, I enjoyed the pictures of Woot staff, Penn & Teller, the monkey, and the CES show itself.

He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion. - Unknown

SBCJester21


quality posts: 9 Private Messages SBCJester21
faughtey wrote:While the too many picture's of women were not interesting to me, I enjoyed the pictures of Woot staff, Penn & Teller, the monkey, and the CES show itself.



You should've went to CES 2011 and then you could've had your picture taken w/ Vlad too! :o)

SBCJester21


quality posts: 9 Private Messages SBCJester21

Classic foto of Vlad with another famous person, Gabriel Iglesias:

dontwantaname


quality posts: 12 Private Messages dontwantaname

Volunteer Moderator

How did I miss this entire thread???

Excellent job, again!

WE LURV YOU TOO! Dork!!!

SBCJester21


quality posts: 9 Private Messages SBCJester21

Continuing Vlad's Quest to prove that he really exists, here is a NEW! photo of Vlad with another (marginally) famous person!


The story of how Vlad met up with Marc Maron will appear soon!

SBCJester21


quality posts: 9 Private Messages SBCJester21

Vlad's Quest to become the World Record Holder of "w00t Monkey Fotographed with the most comedians" continues!

Here Vlad is with Lynne Koplitz, who's had her own Comedy Central Presents special!