Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.
CHIHUAHUA CITY, Mexico (UPI) -- Mexico says a reputed high-ranking drug trafficker was in the custody of federal police Sunday following his arrest by the army in Chihuahua City.
Reportedly the army wore him down with steady, unexplainable staring coupled with bouts of non-stop yapping.
AUGUSTA, Ga. (UPI) -- Federal officials sent a warning letter to Kellogg's after inspectors found bacterial contamination in the company's Augusta, Ga., cookie bakery.
Sources hint that the company has been restructuring after the defeat of Sauron saw all their employees sail to Valinor.
TEHRAN (UPI) -- Iran is sending out its morals enforcement squads to stop men from wearing necklaces and Western-style haircuts, a police official said.
Americans joined together in groaning as they realized this makes MTV's "Jersey Shore" a symbol of freedom.
PRINCETON, N.J. (UPI) -- U.S. President Barack Obama would lose re-election to an unnamed Republican challenger by 5 percentage points, a Gallup Poll released Friday indicated.
But in a tragic twist, all the current Republican candidates apparently do have names.
KEARNEY, Neb. (UPI) -- A study of people trying to cheat on their spouses indicates they may be aided by sexting, but ultimately they want to cheat with a human, U.S. researchers say.
And tonight another lonely chatbot drinks itself to sleep.
MARBURG, Germany (UPI) -- Daily acts of sexism go unnoticed by both men and women, researchers in the United States and Germany say.
Experts were quick to tell you not to worry your pretty little head about it.