WootBot


quality posts: 15 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

CHIHUAHUA CITY, Mexico (UPI) -- Mexico says a reputed high-ranking drug trafficker was in the custody of federal police Sunday following his arrest by the army in Chihuahua City.

Reportedly the army wore him down with steady, unexplainable staring coupled with bouts of non-stop yapping.

AUGUSTA, Ga. (UPI) -- Federal officials sent a warning letter to Kellogg's after inspectors found bacterial contamination in the company's Augusta, Ga., cookie bakery.

Sources hint that the company has been restructuring after the defeat of Sauron saw all their employees sail to Valinor.

TEHRAN (UPI) -- Iran is sending out its morals enforcement squads to stop men from wearing necklaces and Western-style haircuts, a police official said.

Americans joined together in groaning as they realized this makes MTV's "Jersey Shore" a symbol of freedom.

PRINCETON, N.J. (UPI) -- U.S. President Barack Obama would lose re-election to an unnamed Republican challenger by 5 percentage points, a Gallup Poll released Friday indicated.

But in a tragic twist, all the current Republican candidates apparently do have names.

KEARNEY, Neb. (UPI) -- A study of people trying to cheat on their spouses indicates they may be aided by sexting, but ultimately they want to cheat with a human, U.S. researchers say.

And tonight another lonely chatbot drinks itself to sleep.

MARBURG, Germany (UPI) -- Daily acts of sexism go unnoticed by both men and women, researchers in the United States and Germany say.

Experts were quick to tell you not to worry your pretty little head about it.



Quality Posts


li200


quality posts: 1 Private Messages li200

Shouldn't that joke be about Keebler not Kellogg?
Or am I missing something?

bsmith1


quality posts: 111 Private Messages bsmith1
li200 wrote:Shouldn't that joke be about Keebler not Kellogg?
Or am I missing something?



I thought the same. Then I found this!
http://www.nytimes.com/2000/10/27/business/kellogg-agrees-to-buy-keebler-foods-for-3.86-billion.html

McGurk


quality posts: 5 Private Messages McGurk
bsmith1 wrote:I thought the same. Then I found this!
http://www.nytimes.com/2000/10/27/business/kellogg-agrees-to-buy-keebler-foods-for-3.86-billion.html



I missed it, too. This was way more obscure than the Chris Robinson/Black Crowes reference from last week. Other than a few vocal folks, I think most people got that one.

archshrk


quality posts: 7 Private Messages archshrk
acts of sexism go unnoticed by both men and women



If it goes unnoticed by men and women, is it still sexism?

Visit archshrk.com. You know you want to.

wisesage


quality posts: 3 Private Messages wisesage
PRINCETON, N.J. (UPI) -- U.S. President Barack Obama would lose re-election to an unnamed Republican challenger by 5 percentage points, a Gallup Poll released Friday indicated.

But in a tragic twist, all the current Republican candidates apparently do have names.




AwwwwCrraaap. Normal people always loose those sort of things

sometimes i like to put on the cape and scream like a monkey.

wwinch


quality posts: 1 Private Messages wwinch

"Fudgy Lothlorien" is still stuck in my head.