WootBot


quality posts: 14 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

A salesman and a pizza guy essentially have the same job: to deliver results. For one of them, the results include profits and success; for the other, the results are primarily made out of dough, cheese, tomato sauce, and cured meat. Both of them will get punished if they don’t deliver the promised results by the promised time, so that’s why both of them need transportation: a company car.

Now, not all small businesses need to provide vehicles for their sales people. For example, if you run a company that somehow manages to make a profit while selling only to itself, then nobody ever needs to go anywhere; you just need to hire salespeople who can do a lot of fun accents, so they don’t get bored negotiating deals with themselves.


However, most businesses DO need to deal with people from the outside world, so it’s inevitable that a) someone’s going to have to travel, and b) you’re going to have to provide a company car. Or will it be a car at all? You see, here at the Sean Adams University of Business Management Development Leadership, we’ve long wondered why so many businesses don’t consider more exciting options for their company vehicles. Just imagine the buzz you’d get in the business world were you to sell your fleet of drab sedans and instead use one of the following fun alternatives:

Company Bikes: Making your salespeople drive around in cars that run on human legs would probably considered cruel and strange, maybe even illegal. On the other hand, making your salespeople ride around on bikes that run on human legs would be considered hip and environmentally conscious! (Not to mention, your salesmen will get ripped calves! And who doesn’t like doing business with people who have ripped calves?!)

Company Bulldozers: When you talk about how your business is breaking down boundaries, you’re usually speaking metaphorically. Well, it’s a high time that you backed up your WORDS with a little bit of ACTION by issuing company bulldozers!

Company Horses: The salesman’s life can be lonely and depressing. All that time on the road away from your family, talking to people but never really talking to them - it can be enough to drive a man half-crazy. In fact, it’s the subject of a pretty well-known play. The play’s called, “The Salesman Who Went Kinda Crazy.” I wrote it a couple years ago. It got rave reviews from my mom. But that’s not what’s important here. What’s important is that your salesmen need companionship out on the road, and what better way to provide such companionship than with a few good company horses?

Company Avalanches: You want to make an impression on your client, right? You want to knock him off his feet? Well then you want your salesman bombarding his workplace in a company avalanche! Of business! And snow! (Mostly snow.)

See? The possibilities for exciting company vehicles are endless! But enough about that for now; it’s time for AN ASSIGNMENT! In the first paragraph, I described two sets of “results” (“profits and success” and “cheese, tomato sauce, and cured meat”). In the comments below, please answer the following question: which results belonged to the salesman, which to the pizza guy, and why?

quantamm


quality posts: 85 Private Messages quantamm

Dear Woot,

I'm in for 3 of the next batch of LeakFrogs, as soon as I get to see Mortimer's ripped calves.

Love,
Quantamm


P.S. - The next Million Dollar Idea, inspired by this post: door-to-door pizza salesmen. If around lunch or dinner time, a guy comes to your door with two piping-hot large supreme pizzas for $20, could you resist? I think not. So why wait for an order? Just send your pizza guys to try delivering to random houses until they make a sale.

eagledrew05


quality posts: 0 Private Messages eagledrew05
quantamm wrote:Dear Woot,

I'm in for 3 of the next batch of LeakFrogs, as soon as I get to see Mortimer's ripped calves.

Love,
Quantamm


P.S. - The next Million Dollar Idea, inspired by this post: door-to-door pizza salesmen. If around lunch or dinner time, a guy comes to your door with two piping-hot large supreme pizzas for $20, could you resist? I think not. So why wait for an order? Just send your pizza guys to try delivering to random houses until they make a sale.




when i lived in the barracks guys would order pizza and then not be in their rooms to get it when the pizza guy got there. rather than eat the price and take the pizzas back to the store, he'd just walk around looking for guys who wanted a pizza. worked every time. you might be onto something with door to door quantamm

wingnutzero


quality posts: 2 Private Messages wingnutzero

Why should one have to choose between "profits and success” and “cheese, tomato sauce, and cured meat”? If you're a salesman for DiGiorno or Freschetta, you can have both!

If you'll excuse me, I have a job application to fill out...

macsurety


quality posts: 0 Private Messages macsurety

Generally, pretty entertaining analysis and commentary, but did the person who voted to included 'avalanches' realize that one recently killed several skiiers in Washington (the state)? I guess bulldozers kill people, too, but ... I dunno', seems like that 'out of the box' thinking could've benefitted from a bit of filtering. Just sayin'.

dseanadams


quality posts: 0 Private Messages dseanadams
macsurety wrote:Generally, pretty entertaining analysis and commentary, but did the person who voted to included 'avalanches' realize that one recently killed several skiiers in Washington (the state)? I guess bulldozers kill people, too, but ... I dunno', seems like that 'out of the box' thinking could've benefitted from a bit of filtering. Just sayin'.



Hi -

Just wanted to say sorry about this. I had not heard about skiers in Washington until now. I really apologize if this was taken as me trying to be "edgy" or "shocking." Next time I'll be sure to pay a little more attention to what's going on in the world so to make sure I don't accidentally make a joke about something that isn't funny at all.

-Sean

Moueska


quality posts: 54 Private Messages Moueska

On a lighter note, I still think that ripped EVERYTHING can also be a selling point, even though you nixed the cars that run on human feet.



Granted, it IS a little retro. Like giving your team a spray-painted van with the logo of your business, and making them take the company mascot with them.



Of course, giving students and tenured interns such a van is TOTALLY okay.

My personal answer to the homework:

I was at the Working Women's Survival Show in the 'Lou twice this weekend. I counted two booths with processed cheese, and four sausage-and-meat booths. I'm going with Sales being the one with dough and processed meats. I'm sure that since I saw Tomato Sauce, Cheese, and Meat, bread can't be that hard to find.

marcustherobot


quality posts: 0 Private Messages marcustherobot

GO BIKES GO!

That horse drawing rules, I'd love to ride that horse and be friends with it.

marcustherobot


quality posts: 0 Private Messages marcustherobot
dseanadams wrote:Hi -

Just wanted to say sorry about this. I had not heard about skiers in Washington until now. I really apologize if this was taken as me trying to be "edgy" or "shocking." Next time I'll be sure to pay a little more attention to what's going on in the world so to make sure I don't accidentally make a joke about something that isn't funny at all.

-Sean



A true professional comic, what a guy!