It takes some serious juice to get into one of those Apple announcements like the one they held today, which is why we're usually reduced to tweeting about it from afar. But when we dispatched our man Friedrich Nietzsche to the scene, Cupertino was only too happy to issue him a press pass. Here's what Freddy had to say:
"It is always consoling to think of suicide: in that way one gets through many a bad Apple announcement."
"The living being is only a species of the dead, and a very rare species. So what the hell, let's play some Fruit Ninja HD."
"The most common lie is that which one lies to himself; the second-most common is 'battery life up to 10 hours.'"
"We have iPads in order not to die of the truth."
"Once spirit was God, then it became man, and now it is available for $3.99 from the App Store."
"After coming into contact with a tech blogger I always feel I must wash my hands."
"We must not study ourselves while having an experience. That's what the front-facing camera is for."
"The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think different than those who think differently."
"A great value of antiquity lies in the fact that its writings are the only ones that you can get for free from iBooks."
"Is life not a thousand times too short for us to bore ourselves?"