I know you come here every week for an insightful business advice, but this week there’s something else on my mind. So I’m cancelling today’s lesson (“Thawt’s the way we do it – building a break room microwave policy that everyone will be happy about”) and instead using this space to present an open letter to the NCAA. Take a look.
I am writing today to express my disappointment in your tournament selection process. Once again, we here at the Sean Adams University of Business Management Development Leadership have built an exceptional basketball program, and once again we have been overlooked.
Yes, many will be quick to point out that our team, The Q4 Reports, doesn’t have the greatest record. Of course, I would have liked to win a few games instead of going 0-35, but here’s what no one seems to understand: a 0 kind of looks like an egg, and all our boys LOVE eggs. So when they saw one in the wins column, they weren’t motivated to do better, because it didn’t look that bad at all. Actually, it looked pretty appetizing.
But even then, some of those games were tougher than people seem to realize. Like, that time we lost to the varsity basketball team from the local high school; some of those kids might go on to play pro ball! Or that game we lost to the junior varsity team from the local high school; some of those kids might go on to be friends with the kids from the varsity team who might go on to be pros, and you never want to offend people who might know people who might be famous someday. That’s called burning your bridges!
And we got a lot of flak for that loss to the 4H club from the local high school too. But think about it: when the 4H kids win a game, they feel happy, and when they feel happy, they treat their cows better, which means the cows are happier, which means they produce better milk, etc., etc. What I’m getting at is when the 4H club wins, everyone wins!
Now trust me, the team was feeling pretty low after that loss to a team of trained cats. But really, if you ask me, they kind of cheated. I mean, that’s what the coach called them, just “trained cats.” No one ever specified that they were trained to play basketball! That would have changed our whole coaching approach!
Equally deceiving was that team of “well-placed pieces of furniture.” Yeah right! Those were expertly-placed pieces of furniture! And even then we stuck with them for two halves and three overtimes. In the end, their team was just deeper than ours. They just kept bringing in quality players off the bench – like that big armoire, that toy chest, and then the actual bench itself.
So, what we’re saying is, there’s more to a great team than a great record, and we really wish you would have considered the full picture on Selection Sunday. For our part, we will be working hard to put a few more Ws on the board next year. In fact, just this past week we held three inter-squad scrimmages. We haven’t won any of those yet, but we’re getting close!
President, Dean, Head Coach
Sean Adams University of Business Management Development Leadership