WootBot


quality posts: 14 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

In a few hours Apple's gonna make a big announcement about what they'll be doing with their 100 billion in cash reserves.

Apple Stickers OH MY!
The currency of tomorrow?

 

Techcrunch hopes they're gobbling up a movie studio, Bloomberg is sure they'll give handouts to rich investors, and us? Well, we're just hoping to see one or two of the things below.

 

- All the money goes to hiring an assassin to take out the coach of Lehigh University for trashing everyone's brackets
- Price on Mac Memory dropping, now to be only moderately insane
- Zimbabwe becoming the first privately owned nation, name changing to iMbabwe
- Best darn Superbowl commercial the world has ever seen!
- Full amount to be donated to the woefully underfunded research into fan death.
- Everyone in the country gets one free potato skin (add 35 cents for bacon)
- At long last creating a studio to develop a decent video game for OS X
- Everything on Black 35! Tim Cook's got a hunch!
- Finally gonna test Paul Weller's statement "I wouldn't get The Jam back together for a hundred billion dollars."
- Everything is going to a random Kickstarter campaign just to blow some Etsy designer's mind
- "Coming soon to the iTunes Store: Firefly, Season Two."

Image credited to emarschn and used under the Creative Commons License.

 



Quality Posts


theguitarizt


quality posts: 1 Private Messages theguitarizt

Maybe they'll finally put a 7200 RPM drive in a Macbook Pro. 5400 RPM ruins an otherwise good machine.

Olphart


quality posts: 2 Private Messages Olphart

Maybe they'll invest in a R&D department that works on QC improvements as well. Have they EVER had a launch go smoothly or a product that performed as advertised on an initial release?

Moueska


quality posts: 52 Private Messages Moueska
- Everything is going to a random Kickstarter campaign just to blow some Etsy designer's mind
- "Coming soon to the iTunes Store: Firefly, Season Two."



If only, people. If only.

megmoves


quality posts: 1 Private Messages megmoves

- "Coming soon to the iTunes Store: Firefly, Season Two."

Yes, please!

chennai8


quality posts: 2 Private Messages chennai8

Most possible : Build a "thermonuclear warhead" to destroy Android.

/sadface

neyfam2000 wrote:Woot!--going from "Deal-a-day" to "Site-a-day"

everclear823


quality posts: 0 Private Messages everclear823
megmoves wrote:- "Coming soon to the iTunes Store: Firefly, Season Two."

Yes, please!




I don't think there is a person alive who watched Season 1 and didn't say "Please sir, may I have some more"

dave bug


quality posts: 14 Private Messages dave bug

- Beat Bill Gates to the cure for malaria, as one last punch in the face from Steve.

vanhecht


quality posts: 0 Private Messages vanhecht

"Coming soon to the iTunes Store: Firefly, Season Two."

Anyone who denies the supremacy of the above statement can eat luh suh.

*edited the chinese for perfections sake*

k3lit0


quality posts: 2 Private Messages k3lit0

Maybe they can spend it on right-side usb ports for their macbooks. THE MOUSE GOES ON THE RIGHT SIDE 99% OF THE TIME AND THEIR MOUSES HAVE 6" CABLES THIS ISN'T ROCKET SCIENCE OK.

inkycatz


quality posts: 105 Private Messages inkycatz
k3lit0 wrote:Maybe they can spend it on right-side usb ports for their macbooks. THE MOUSE GOES ON THE RIGHT SIDE 99% OF THE TIME AND THEIR MOUSES HAVE 6" CABLES THIS ISN'T ROCKET SCIENCE OK.



Maybe they'll spend it on rocket science.

I'm just hanging out, really.

orubin


quality posts: 6 Private Messages orubin

So if I understand correctly, the amazing next thing was: They are giving a $2.65/quarter dividend to stock holders. How exciting s that? Yawn. But it will kill a good 40% of their cash reserves. They said they wanted to do it to generate income for their shareholders. Yawn.

curtise


quality posts: 20 Private Messages curtise
orubin wrote:So if I understand correctly, the amazing next thing was: They are giving a $2.65/quarter dividend to stock holders. How exciting s that? Yawn. But it will kill a good 40% of their cash reserves. They said they wanted to do it to generate income for their shareholders. Yawn.



The dividend alone won't kill 40% of their cash reserves over 3 years. The dividend, plus a 3-year $10B stock buyback programme will. But meanwhile, Apple will likely continue to generate more cash at absurd rates.

And as soon as Castle is done (because we wouldn't want to get in the way of that awesome Nathan Fillion vehicle), I have high expectations for more Browncoat adventures. Only, in fitting with the Apple naming convention, I imagine it will drop the F and just be called iRefly.

-=C=-

llandar


quality posts: 32 Private Messages llandar

I was hoping for an iFatwah on Mike Daisey's head.

duncansil


quality posts: 0 Private Messages duncansil

I had stickers like that when I was a teenager. When Apple really was magical ;)