What do you do when your cell phone stops working? You bring it to the store, pretend you didn’t drop into the toilet at the airport, and exchange it for a new one. Luckily, a business isn’t usually small enough to fall into a toilet. However, it can stop working, and unfortunately, when it does, there’s no store where you can exchange it for a new one.
But first things first: how does a business stop working? It loses money, that’s how. Yes, that’s right: it is possible for businesses to lose money. Maybe I should have mentioned that earlier than now, in the 38th lesson of the Sean Adams University of Business Management Development Leadership. Or maybe you should have asked me to mention it earlier. What I’m getting at is that it’s impossible to tell who’s to blame here. But don’t worry! I’m here to help! With these 5 easy steps you should have no problem getting your business back into making-money territory:
Step 1 – Make sure there isn't a fire in the money room. Too often businesses see that they’re losing money, panic, and take drastic measures (like changing their business model from a bakery to an online university), when really, they only reason they’re losing money is because it’s on fire. If there’s no fire, proceed on to step 2.
Step 2 – Bring in a business consultant. When you’ve got messed up teeth, you call in a specialist called a dentist to fix you up. Well, a consultant is basically a dentist for your business’s metaphorical teeth. The biggest difference is a business consultant uses logic and math instead of anesthesia and sharp tools to get the job done. (You should have an emergency plan in place in case the consultant shows up with anesthesia and sharp tools.)
Step 3 – Buy stuff to impress the consultant. You don’t want the consultant to think you’re some sort of loser, right? No way! You need to get stuff to impress him. Buy a bunch of really expensive suits, a few nice watches, and some trophies that say “1st Place – Business Tournament” on them. And make sure you charge it all to your company too!
Step 4 – Sue the consultant for bad advice. The consultant will look at your expenses and tell you to stop spending so much money on trophies and suits and watches. But here’s the thing: you were already in the red before you bought that stuff, so that can’t be the problem. That means the consultant is wrong, and you can take him to court for his misleading advice!
Step 5 – Profit. With all the money you get from suing the consultant, you should be back in the clear!
Of course, these steps are for businesses in general. If you describe your business in the comments, I’ll give you some more specific advice.