!! Okay, might have a lead on the WIFI issue
Pop the plastic off the back (if it is hard to do, you are doing it wrong), put your fingers on the metal and flex the thing, pushing, mildly against the metal while looking at the screen (on the network page.
This worked for me, began connecting, and browsing. I saw a little glow on the LCD screen, but I was mildly gentle, and it worked out (faded)
Had already tried: hardware reset, os reinstall, and browsers loaded from sd card, without any luck
Haven't stripped the thing to see if I just need to reseat the antenna, but it seems to keep working for a bit after I do the press, so doesn't seem like a 'flesh as antenna' style issue.
Your mileage may vary.
Will K - Nola
Yeah, that totally fixes it. I pealed off the back skin, put 3 folded over pieces of paper (will replace with plastic later) up against each of the three metal pieces (over the battery or something), popped the back plastic cover back into place, over the folded material, and now it totally works.