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WootBot


 quality posts: 14 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

Hey People:

This is the new office monolith, and it's DIFFERENT FROM THE OLD MONOLITH so PAY ATTENTION.

The Monolith

First off, the monolith is for office-use ONLY, folks. No staring at it in a mix of apprehension and curiosity on personal time. No inviting friends to the office on the weekends to touch its surprisingly smooth, icy surface. Nada.

Also, people: Do not confuse this MONOLITH with an OBELISK. Yes, an obelisk is a type of monolith, but one that ends in a TAPERING PYRAMID. Do you see a tapering pyramid on this monolith? No? Good job. And what does that mean? That's right, it's not an obelisk. So don't treat it as one.

The origins of this monolith are clouded in uncertainty, people. It is composed of a silicate crystal unknown to science, and I think you know what that means: $$$$$$$$$$$$. Please do not beat the face of the monolith with rocks, bones, or any other nearby objects, HOWEVER MUCH YOU MAY WANT TO. Doing so will chip it, and then we'd have to order replacement silicate crystals, which DO NOT EXIST.

Finally: You may experience a sudden and eldritch chill when in the Monolith's presence. This is normal, so PLEASE do not adjust the thermostat in the monolith room, OK? It will blast hot air into Cindy's office, and since Cindy and I are not on speaking terms she'll go all the way up to the fourth floor to complain about it. So on your own head be it should you touch the thermostat, mmk?

-Katherine Tull-Potts, BA

 

abitterwoman


 quality posts: 26 Private Messages abitterwoman

Since it is a monolith and not an obelisk, I would expect that also means no male genitalia jokes?

"Computers don't make errors. What they do, they do on purpose."

Gatzby


 quality posts: 43 Private Messages Gatzby

Staff

abitterwoman wrote:Since it is a monolith and not an obelisk, I would expect that also means no male genitalia jokes?



Those would be inappropriate during work hours, thus they cannot be made as the monolith is strictly for work use only.

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lovecraft


 quality posts: 0 Private Messages lovecraft

I'm just going to go ahead and presume this is one of the myriad things in the office I am not allowed to try and copy with Silly Putty®.

Even after I bought in bulk. http://www.crayolastore.com/product/12060

abitterwoman


 quality posts: 26 Private Messages abitterwoman
lovecraft wrote:I'm just going to go ahead and presume this is one of the myriad things in the office I am not allowed to try and copy with Silly Putty®.

Even after I bought in bulk. http://www.crayolastore.com/product/12060



You should make a body suit out of it and try to bounce off stuff.

"Computers don't make errors. What they do, they do on purpose."

nparus


 quality posts: 1 Private Messages nparus

I thought we were cool with 2 coffee pots. Woot! has 3. We're so 10 minutes ago.

Moony

EssenGrabow


 quality posts: 2 Private Messages EssenGrabow

What happened to the old one?

I lost my old one (curse you David Bowman), and would like to get a new one (if the price isn't too steep, those things are expensive).

glibdud


 quality posts: 2 Private Messages glibdud

Can we use it to keep the hallway door open? There's really no reason for it to ever be closed, but it doesn't seem to be very high on maintenance's list to fix.

bsmith1


 quality posts: 72 Private Messages bsmith1
nparus wrote:I thought we were cool with 2 coffee pots. Woot! has 3. We're so 10 minutes ago.



Of course they have 3. Regular, Decaf, and Random Crap. "Start your morning with a little mystery." reads the label on the 3rd pot.

Jertyrael


 quality posts: 17 Private Messages Jertyrael

I'm not sure what to make of this...

"Woot and all our various sites will continue to be an independently operated company full of horrible, useless products and an untalented jerkface writing staff, same as it ever was." -- Matt Rutledge

RevLoki


 quality posts: 2 Private Messages RevLoki

Something tells me that today was "Drink Your Lunch Friday".... those are the best Fridays...

lisaviolet


 quality posts: 3 Private Messages lisaviolet

Can you dance disco on top of it? Lower the lights and set up a bunch of Woot! lights?

And start to partay?


Watch cats sleep

mikebbass


 quality posts: 14 Private Messages mikebbass

This means something.....or at least it would, if your monolith wasn't so filthy. to paraphrase Doug McKenzie "Good day, I'm right in your monolith. Oh, nice monolith buddy. Why don't you ever clean this thing"

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macterry


 quality posts: 0 Private Messages macterry

Silicate crystals or soapstone? I think you guys finally found a use for all the whiskey stones you couldn't sale.

coolbiker


 quality posts: 2 Private Messages coolbiker

I like the though of this but the Monolith is floating above the ground.

Also wouldn't is be a dialith since instead of having a top to it, it pertudes out the sides , kind of a reverse obelisk.

Woke me up, now I gotta go find my woot monkeys and instruct them to build another to call the other back to its safe sleep.

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