There are plenty of places on Woot where you can find helpful information. This is not one of those places. Every week we will be comparing 3 pairs of things that shouldn’t be compared using this formula: Unrelated Thing X vs. Unrelated Thing Y in terms of Function Z. Facts will be misunderstood, overlooked, or changed for the sake of the argument. Enjoy.
1. A Blank Sheet of Loose Leaf Paper vs. Pyrotechnics in terms of What You Want in Your Mini Fridge
A Blank Sheet of Loose Leaf Paper (by default)
Pyrotechnics in a mini fridge? What a contrast, right? Something built out of heat and light inside of a cold, dark box. How poetic, don’t you think? Well, here’s the thing: poetry is expressed through words on paper, not fireworks in a fridge. You want to write about it? Fine. But don’t crowd up my mini fridge (small by definition) in the name of poetry and expect me not to complain.
2. A Bee’s Knees vs. A Cat’s Pajamas in terms of What Would Actually Make You Look Cooler
It's a toss up
A cat doesn’t wear anything to sleep. Thus, saying you’re wearing "the cat’s pajamas” would essentially be the same thing as saying you’re “in your birthday suit,” which is to say, you’d be naked. Now, a bee’s knees may look cool on a bee, but they’re also microscopic, and oftentimes what looks good tiny will appear off-putting and alien when blown up. What I’m getting at is this comes down to your own body image. Do you feel comfortable in your own skin? Or would you rather have the joints of an insect than be without clothes?
3. Swamp Land vs. Ping Pong Balls in terms of Letting Go of Your Inhibitions
Ping pong balls cannot help you lose your inhibitions because they do not model uninhibited behavior. Even in games where the goal is inebriation (a state often associated with a loss of inhibitions), the ping pong balls themselves must be placed into exact, pre-defined spaces in order to bring about change. Swamp land, by contrast, is a place of extreme inexactness. Is that solid ground or not? How deep is that water? What's that swimming over there? When you cannot trust what lies beneath your feet, you have no choice but to cast off your inhibitions and simply march forward into the unknown. In boots. Even if you’ve lost all of your inhibitions, you should still be safe.
The prestigious Rebuttal of the Week from last week's comparisons goes to user TimDroz who, with one sentence, destroys my argument for why butter is better than a paper cutter in terms of making a young lady's heart flutter:
If someone (perhaps wearing a hockey mask) ripped the blade off a paper cutter and brandished it threateningly in the vicinity of a young lady, her heart would likely do more than flutter.
Can you swiftly embarrass me like Tim did? well, post a rebuttal below, and we'll find out next week!
Photos:"More paper to chop" by flickr user, rmkoske; "Uncertainty" by flickr user, nicubunu.photo; "swamp" by flickr user, MikeLove.. All used under a Creative Commons License.