I'm not entirely sure how I managed to get a crap this time. I hit the 'buy it' button but never made it to the next screen, just kept getting server errors. Then suddenly an email. Something must have worked somewhere, so I'm happy. I missed the last offering - was there a letter or has that tradition faded away?

holygrailbob wrote:Maybe you missed the Memo? Colonel Crap is really Santa Claus!

Keep it on the down-low though. Can't have everyone knowing the secret.

Um, are you really sure that's what you wanted to say? 'Cause- well, never mind.

Hello to be Woot!

I am writing with you to the greatest of SADness. Gravelly, the greet leader of the dearest republicof Kozikistan, Major.Framptal Moofi was savagely demancipated during a cellabration of the four year since Hormsburg massacre

According to records court, you, dearest Woot! are the Major,s nearest kin. Here in neighboring Kanduzi, where I am solicitor onbehalf of many, your benevolebt genorosity is legendgary - children far and wide know tales of your distribution of Borderline Official Champagnes for far less than retail value and how your lovely child, kids.woot presents presents to kneedy adult adolescents on a dailye basis.

We have taken it upon myself to save the vast enhairatence that general Moofi would have left to you for not the savage violence that has claimed his official hat.

Disfortyunately, I country is beneath great scrooting by the government of London, and to pay for Olympics, they levy great taxes on selfmoving money.

Thus, to outsmart they, I have purchased exactly three Boiling Oblong Crutons from your business endeavour.

If you would be sokind, dear Woot!, to include no fewers than one Bugatti Veyron in my Buttery Ostrich Compote, I will prmptly wire you all 40.000.000 flabe (equivalent to $1.300 US dollar) as "payment" to avoid any taxes on your vast enhieriteneces.We will put your generosite to specular use, to drive the captain of the Spinky Whompers, is local youth welfenclopper squad, to and from matches, resplendent in your grandeosity.

Bless be the soul of major Moofi! May he rest in piece.

Good wishes in you time of great morning.

I await you reply, Woot!

- dvsmith

ejohnson828 wrote:...
Not to mention I also got two packages of the flu packs (gloves/mask) and just a couple of days later my good friend came down with the nasty flu and my bf and I made good use of them to take her some medicine, soup and crackers. Perfect timing! ...
:-)
May the crap be with you all!!

The WootStaff has an eerie habit of sending people things they didn't know they needed. I remember someone getting a box with a lot of baby stuff, and next day they got the news that the wife was pregnant. Ponder the meaning of everything you get. I don't know whether this applies to ShamWows though.

zolttt wrote:Dear Colonel Crap,

I really enjoy looking at the moon and the stars at night, can you put the moon, and the stars in my Brick of Carbonite? and also give me a white stallion to ride while I look at them?

LMAO!!!

I love it, I really wish they would stop asking for stuff. it says RANDOM CRAP for a REASON.
Stop begging.. Or I will make Woot begging shock collars!

crickee wrote:lol It wasnt me. I thought you were under the impression they sold 3000 so I was showing it ended at 2999. So when Kellymo34 said there were 2999 happy people it did include her. Unless Im misunderstanding both of you. IDK but what I do need is more coffee! Wootoffs drain me I cant help staying up to see what deal is next! Now I can finally step away from the woot trough.

My bad, it was Kellymo34 I meant. She said that there were 2999 people as psyched as she was. She didn't say 'other people'. It's possible that I've watched 'Men In Black' too often, and I apologize to both of you. This line of paranoia is now closed. I too need more coffee; it's 91 here so I shall have it on ice.

miskreeta wrote:Dear Colonel Crap,

My predicament:
I purchased one of those Jewelry Armoires from home.woot on 3/3/12 for my girlfriend and she absolutely loves it. I have come to discover that my mom is in the market for one, and in speaking with my girlfriend, has decided she fancies one like hers. So my mission this past woot-off was to procure said Jewelry Armoire and surprise my mom with it. After two sleepless days/nights, the JA has alluded my grasp and I fear it has gone MIA.

Colonel, I have failed.... but I hope the mission is not lost.

With your knowledge of the woot warehouses, I believe you posses the intel to aid me in this mission. If you find a JA creeping around please don't hesitate to capture it and lock it away in my recently obtained Brick of Carbonite. (Really just knowing they are still around and available for purchase in the future is enough for me.)

Thanks for your time Sir and Godspeed.

You can buy as many as you want here: http://deals.woot.com/deals/search?q=armoire

Colonel, Sign some of my crap! I have a frame that needs a signature :D

dvsmith wrote:
Hello to be Woot!

I am writing with you to the greatest of SADness.....Here in Kanduzi.....

For anyone unfamiliar with the Great Republic of Kanduzi.

Awesome! +1!

Jessara wrote:You can buy as many as you want here: http://deals.woot.com/deals/search?q=armoire

Thanks, but I was looking for this one:
http://home.woot.com/Forums/ViewPost.aspx?PostID=4965001

Honestly (in my meager and apparently failed attempt at a clever post) I didn't intend to sound like I was begging, I know the craps are random and I don't expect anything but that. I was hoping the armoire would come up this past woot-off but it didn't. I can't seem to find that particular one anywhere else so I hope woot still has some. But if not, I'm sure she'll be happy with one I purchase elsewhere. No biggie.

Dear Colonel Crap,
Once again I post a request for one of those USB plasma balls that were sold way back in the day. I have never seen them aside from during Woot-offs (member since 2005) and I can only hope they still exist for late gift for my mom. If there is one lying around, please liberate it via carbonite-box during this most recent Bundles of Clones extravaganza. Many thanks!

Okay people are still talking about the letter. Has anyone gotten a letter since Threepiecewoot's retirement from the Bundle of Carrots?

miskreeta wrote:Thanks, but I was looking for this one:
http://home.woot.com/Forums/ViewPost.aspx?PostID=4965001

Honestly (in my meager and apparently failed attempt at a clever post) I didn't intend to sound like I was begging, I know the craps are random and I don't expect anything but that. I was hoping the armoire would come up this past woot-off but it didn't. I can't seem to find that particular one anywhere else so I hope woot still has some. But if not, I'm sure she'll be happy with one I purchase elsewhere. No biggie.

Your post WAS clever, your predicament is touching, and I, sir, seldom reject a shopping challenge. Here is your armoire:
http://www.yugster.com/deals/36494-jewelry-armoire-with-metal-inlay-doors-espresso-finish but the price is a little higher.

kreegah wrote:Begging shall not be tolerated amongst the ranks, soldiers! You'll get what crap Woot! sees fit and you'll like it! You'll come back for more! If the soldier in front of you gets filet mignon and you get S.O.S., you will say "SIR THANK YOU SIR!" and we'll see you in line for breakfast! That is all.

I'm not sure the vast majority of woot users know what S.O.S. is... or sh*t on a shingle, if anyone wants to find out.

Jessara wrote:Your post WAS clever, your predicament is touching, and I, sir, seldom reject a shopping challenge. Here is your armoire:
http://www.yugster.com/deals/36494-jewelry-armoire-with-metal-inlay-doors-espresso-finish but the price is a little higher.

Wow! You are awesome! Unfortunately when I click on Grab It! it says "Sorry, but this campaign is no longer available." Thanks for looking though, I really appreciate it. I'll keep my eyes peeled, it's bound to pop up somewhere.

Dear Colonel Crap,

I don't expect anything in my Brick of Carbonite except for what was stated in the description, ONE bag of some kind and THREE crappy items.

BTW I love this new way Bags of Crap are being handled

Thank you.

paigeorose92 wrote:Okay people are still talking about the letter. Has anyone gotten a letter since Threepiecewoot's retirement from the Bundle of Carrots?

Someone got a leter in the last batch.

If I remember correctly, it was the letter K.

edit to add photo:

crickee wrote:Someone got a leter in the last batch.

If I remember correctly, it was the letter K.

edit to add photo:

Hey that was me! I never asked for letter just hopefully wished for one.

Right now my Woot Monkey minions are safely guarding my most precious Woot Letter.

Un0fficial wrote:What the hell is all these people asking for stuff to be put in their Bundles of Clones#39;s... out of all the woot offs I've never seen so many people begging before..

It's getting pretty sad... Bundles of Clones#39;s are supposed to be random, stop asking...

Maybe it's because Colonel has been fulfilling requests, although in a 3 wish Screaming Monkey Paw sort of fashion. For instance, someone said keep their socks dry, so he received a pair of socks. Someone asked for a letter, they received the letter K signed and delivered. And of course MikeBBass received a box that everyone at the woot office farted into. I'm not sure what he asked for, but apparently he either asked for Texas Hot Air or Extra Crap.

dvsmith wrote:Hello to be Woot!

I am writing with you to the greatest of SADness. Gravelly, the greet leader of the dearest republicof Kozikistan, Major.Framptal Moofi was savagely demancipated during a cellabration of the four year since Hormsburg massacre (Post)

ROFL! Quality post!

Dear Colonel Crap,
I graduated from High School the day before I scored the Bundles of Clones Have any dorm room items hangin around the ol' warehouse?

austin456 wrote:Dear Colonel Crap,
I graduated from High School the day before I scored the Bundles of Clones Have any dorm room items hangin around the ol' warehouse?

Aren't they ALL dorm room quality?

miskreeta wrote:Wow! You are awesome! Unfortunately when I click on Grab It! it says "Sorry, but this campaign is no longer available." Thanks for looking though, I really appreciate it. I'll keep my eyes peeled, it's bound to pop up somewhere.

Dadrattit, sassafrassarumblemutter. Sorry. If my Bundles of Clones contains said armoire, I'll gladly send it to you. Here's hoping the Colonel has a puckish streak and sends you a pallet of them. Don't laugh, awhile back there was an epidemic of golf clubs in Brooklyn Orange Cowslips.

I was just wondering if the Colonel actually sees this comments, cuz theres a lot of people asking for stuff.
Im just glad i got a Bundles of Clones

The entire wootoff went by, not a single pair of headphones, which was the only thing I really needed/wanted because my cat just chewed through my main pair. I got the crap, now I have to decide, to I wait and gamble on the random chance I get headphones, let alone decent ones, OR do I just bit the bullet and buy a pair elsewhere...what a Crappy pickle to be in...

I figure with the amount of tablets and roku boxes woot sells, almost, on daily basis we should all be getting them in our Bundles of Clones

SDME! wrote:Dear Colonel Crap,
Once again I post a request for one of those USB plasma balls that were sold way back in the day. I have never seen them aside from during Woot-offs (member since 2005) and I can only hope they still exist for late gift for my mom. If there is one lying around, please liberate it via carbonite-box during this most recent Bundles of Clones extravaganza. Many thanks!

A Google search yielded many sources. Like ThinkGeek

I am just very happy and excited to be blessed with another bag! I am living high right now, although my mother is still skeptical. I will one day prove her wrong!

Jessara wrote:Dadrattit, sassafrassarumblemutter. Sorry. If my Bundles of Clones contains said armoire, I'll gladly send it to you. Here's hoping the Colonel has a puckish streak and sends you a pallet of them. Don't laugh, awhile back there was an epidemic of golf clubs in Brooklyn Orange Cowslips.

Thanks, you are too kind. I'm looking forward to what the Colonel has in store for me ... but my prediction is a pallet filled with K-Y Yours & Mine Date Night Packs and Tbox Tampon Holders. Good luck with your Brick of Carbonite!

Can we get a mod to clean up all these "poor me give me X" and "i'd really like X cuz I deserve it" posts. A few posts OK, multiple begging posts per page is getting excessive.

wyk3d wrote:Can we get a mod to clean up all these "poor me give me X" and "i'd really like X cuz I deserve it" posts. A few posts OK, multiple begging posts per page is getting excessive.

Have you no pity? Those poor souls simply need someone to help them communicate their needs to Wootstaff. I just did that for nymetsfan1226's plea for a laptop. Come on, let's all suggest ways the Colonel can answer their begging.

ROGETRAY wrote:ON IT

You are a gentleman and a scholar.

i wonder why all these people want laptop tv trays?

I wonder if at the Woot warehouses they ever play basketball with the Brick of Carbonites. Like: "Ooh these camera tripods are hard to break, lets have a free throw contest into each box." That would be awesome. I want to work at Woot now.

bdh008 wrote:I wonder if at the Woot warehouses they ever play basketball with the Brick of Carbonites. Like: "Ooh these camera tripods are hard to break, lets have a free throw contest into each box." That would be awesome. I want to work at Woot now.

I've decided that they seem to have entirely too much fun at woot. A little too much fun... The reality is probably much more gruesome. Daily beatings, ritual suicide for poor performance, and lets not even consider why the term "bags of crap" was coined. *shudder* Yes folks I bet its a pretty scary place and they just pretty it up for all the wooters so that we never know the horror that lurks behind the scenes.

Un0fficial wrote:What the hell is all these people asking for stuff to be put in their Bundles of Clones#39;s... out of all the woot offs I've never seen so many people begging before..

It's getting pretty sad... Bundles of Clones#39;s are supposed to be random, stop asking...

Thank you!! I wouldn't be surprised if they weren't all thrown in the brig for conduct unbecoming of an officer!!

Disgraceful!!!

Dear Colonel Crap,

Please be a cool Colonel and send me some good stuff. Otherwise I'll just chalk it up to the customary enlisted opinion that most officers are jerks.

V/r,
a Senior Airman, US Air Force

Bailey and her new cone patiently await our crap!

ROGETRAY wrote:ON IT

Thank you! And if by 'ON IT' you mean that you are putting all those people into a giant Soylent Green sized grinder, I'm OK with that! Just give me a heads up before you go live with people.woot.com.


And to all those about to post about their mom's old computer that needs a new clutch to go to college.... Hey, Jack Wagon! Suck it up and enjoy your crap already.