Thursday, October 27

 

Friday, August 26

August 2011 Monkey Games: WEEK FOUR

by Jason Hinklin-Lauderdale

The August 2011 Monkey games may be winding down, but the energy and excitement of our incredible staffletes have shown no signs of stopping, even after three weeks of grueling, "as-long-as-it-doesn't-interfer-with-your-daily-duties" competition. Just a few events remain, office sports fans. Who will feel the burn of scorching defeat and who will end up drenched in the refreshing coolness of VICTORY?

 

wetvictory

 

But before we recap all the thrills of Week Four, we'd like to remind you that can play along at home for a chance to win a specially-made, limited edition 2011 Monkey Games Monkey, along with a t-shirt and Sansa medal! Just click on over to our latest Woot Monkey Games Home Edition Challenge for the full rules and details.

 

ifeelllucky

 

So are you ready to catch up on all the action? Well, are you, punk?! Read more after the jump!

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August 2011 Monkey Games: Your Chance To Win, Week Four

 

Finish Line

 

Week Four of our August 2011 Monkey Games has come and gone, and the finish line in sight! Our staff continues down the long and sometimes ridiculous road toward office bragging rights destiny, and we've been giving you the opportunity to join them all month long with a chance to win one of the very special, very limited 2011 Monkey Games Monkeys you see below made just for this event! Once they're gone, we won't ever do this batch again. Here's your chance to own a little part of Woot history!

 

oooahh

 

Now then, before sending you inside for this week's event, we should note our previous challenge is over and done, and the winners have been chosen. Congratulations to the following forum contestants!

RUBBER BAND ARCHERY

1st: epixinc
2nd: FerrisBueller
3rd: colonelpuffpuff

Well done to the medal winners! Email your details (name, address, and shirt size) to commissioner@woot.com and they'll get your prize package sorted out. And for all you non-medal participants, we're still impressed. It took great courage to make those videos, and we won't forget how you sacrificed your dignity for the amusement of others. You've got this one last chance... are you ready to try again?

 

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Thursday, August 25

To Steve, On His Resignation

by Jason Hinklin-Lauderdale

Hey, Steve. Woot here.

So we heard about your resignation as Apple's CEO late yesterday and, we've gotta tell you, we're still a little shaken by it. Not that we didn't see it coming, of course. It's mostly because we really didn't have any jokes prepared for it. Rutledge says we're gonna have to take a pay cut for that little oversight. Looks like we’ll all have to buy the really cheap Ramen for a while. Again.

Look, we know we've had our little differences, Stevie. Sure, we poked fun at you, your products, your company, and your wild, quirky ways A LOT over the years or made mockery of your "Stevenotes" on Twitter. But it was all out of love, buddy. Well, let's say 95% of it was, anyway. So, if you don't mind, we'd like to take a moment to say thanks for all the things you accomplished that turned out pretty cool:

You convinced the music industry to finally start thinking digitally, allowing millions of us the joy of carrying our music collections on our hips.

You took back the black turtleneck back from the beatniks and made it into an icon.

You made it possible for our bosses to shackle us with your pocket-sized electronic leashes that make it nearly impossible to escape work-related communication during our off hours. Okay, so maybe that was Blackberry's fault, but you did it with sass.

You transformed the way CEOs deal with the press.

You may or may not have successfully killed your Ninja Master's assassin during a trip to Japan.

Your company released new iPods and iPhones almost every year, ensuring that we always have a refurbished version to sell on our humble site.

You made tech sexy and sleek, and turned a nation of people who spent most of their youth hiding from bullies in computer labs into uppity elitists who giggle condescendingly when they see someone with an Android device.

Oh, and one more thing...

You were the underdog that dreamt and innovated his way to being top dog. No matter what, no matter how much static you got from tech bloggers, competing companies, or even your own company way back in 1985, you did things your way. It's really no wonder that you were made Chairman of the Board after your announcement yesterday. After all, you've been the Frank Sinatra of Silicon Valley for a long time now. That deserves a respectful tip of the hat in our book.

And here at Woot!, a respectful tip of the hat means embedding a photo montage set to Apple's 1984 theme song "Breaking Through" that we found on the Internet into a blog post.

 

 

 

 

 

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Tuesday, August 02

Happy Wi-Fi Day with Mr. Whiskey

by Jason Hinklin-Lauderdale

La la la, writin' copy, la la la, writin' up some stuff, la la...

Whoa! Hello there, Mr. Whiskey! And a happy, um, Wi-Fi Day to you, too, I guess. Wait, is that even a real thing? I've never heard of... Oh, I get it! It's because it's 8.02.11 and IEEE 802.11 is a set of standards of implementing wireless local area network computer communication (according to Wikipedia). Very clever, Mr. Whiskey, but I'm afraid it's much too early in the day to celebrate anything with you, especially a holiday even Reddit seems to be fighting about. Besides, you know what my therapist said about substituting real friends with ones I've made up from my hidden office liquor cabinet.

 

 

Aw, I'm just joking, buddy! Wi-Fi Day is the perfect excuse to hang out with the only real friend I have in the whole world! Now then, since this is the very first Wi-Fi Day and probably the last until 2111, how should we celebrate?

 

 

What an excellent idea! Haikus will be the perfect way to ring in such a glorious nerd-created thing! Let's see...

our shackles broken / wires will reign no longer / freedom in the air

are you connected? / I can't find a good signal / stupid coffeehouse

downloading so slow / speed throttling is murder / a cherry tree dies

a, b, g, and n / the protocols of love / a paper crane is born

it was Wi-Fi Day / we drank until it was gone / how very splendid

So how are HIC how are HIC What are YOU gonna do for Why-Fry HIC Fry-Guy HIC today, huh? HUH? YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME AND MR. WHISKEY? YOU'RE JUST LIKE MY DAD!

 

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Thursday, July 28

It's An Action Figure Thing. You Wouldn't Understand.

by Jason Hinklin-Lauderdale

Like many fans of John Carpenter's The Thing, I was more than a little disappointed by the trailer for the remake prequel coming out later this year. Don't get me wrong, Mary Elizabeth Winstead sure is nice to look at and everything, but I've already seen the movie they're making. It's called John Carpenter's The Thing. The filmmakers could've saved themselves a lot of trouble and money and just made the thing with action figures.

Oh, wait. Someone's already done that, too. Kinda. (Warning: if watching some of your favorite G.I. Joe figures die in horribly whimsical and bloody ways, it might be best not to press play.)

 

 

 

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Wednesday, May 18

You Can Tell He's Lying By The Way His Cat Ears Twitch

by Jason Hinklin-Lauderdale

It's late. You're tired. Your girlfriend sits alone on the couch, her eyes red and puffy from crying most of the night. In a quiet voice, she says. "I don't know what else to tell you. Steve and I, we're just friends. The same goes for Teddy the office mail clerk and Harry from my car pool. And I don't even that delivery guy from the Chinese food place's name. Why would I cheat on you with someone whose name I don't even know and never remembers to bring us extra hoisin sauce with our order?"

You want to believe her. Really, you do. She's saying all the right things. Her body language is clearly letting you know that she's telling you the truth. But it's just not enough, is it? And now, before you make the hardest decision of your relationship, you find yourself wishing that your girlfriend had brainwave-sensitive cat ears on her head that might tip you off as to what she's truly feeling.

 

 

Touted as a new "communication tool" that augments the human body's ability to convey emotion, Neurowear's Necomimi is a set of mechanical cat ears that respond to your brainwaves. Concentrate and they perk up. Relax and they fall. I think. Do both, which is apparently something professional sports players are really good at when they aren't taking steroids or organizing dog fights, and they'll twitch.

And that's great and all, but I'm not sure twitching fake plushy cat ears are capable of telling me anything other than that the person wearing them is into Anime or Manga. Maybe that's just me, though. I mean, just look at all the fun these folks are having.

 

 

I wonder how popular these will be when they're released later this year. After all, it might be good for us to get in on the ground floor of the impending "animal ears as communication device" thing while we can. Woot-branded brainwave-sucking monkey ears, here we come.

 

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Thursday, April 28

For The Love Of The (Video) Game

by Jason Hinklin-Lauderdale

I understand why online gaming is so popular. Really, I do. I mean, who doesn't love rage-quitting? And is there anything more magical than having a twelve-year old girl hurl racial slurs at you? Add that to the exquisite joy that comes with never having to have any sort of contact with another human being, and it's a wonder video arcades lasted as long as they did! I mean, all that pesky social interaction and face-to-face competition? Earning the respect of one's peers? Exhibiting patience while you wait to play your favorite game? Oh, and let's not forget all that exhausting standing. What an awful experience it all must have been.

You really have to wonder why independent filmmaker Kurt Vincent wants to put together a documentary celebrating one of the greatest arcades to ever exist, Chinatown Fair, which closed its doors for good a few months ago. He's even asking for donations to help him finish the project through Kickstarter, as you can see from the video below. Viewer, beware: Not only will you see shocking scenes of people enjoying being around one another while they play video games, the language gets a little NSFW in the final two minutes.

 

 

In all seriousness, I'm pretty excited about this project. It's awesome to see people so interested in gaming's social history, and I hope his film gets the backers it needs. If you'd like more information, check out his Kickstarter page or follow his blog on Tumblr.

 

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Monday, April 25

Buy The Ticket, Take The Final Ride

by Jason Hinklin-Lauderdale

The Euthanasia Coaster is like something out of an old B-grade horror film. The plot almost writes itself: Five kids on Spring/Summer break, their vehicle breaks down, "Oh look, a carnival! Maybe someone there can help us!", demon carnies, evil ringmaster, a bunch of running and death in various carnival mainstays, all leading up to an explosive and fiery climax high a top the title's namesake. Heck, it might even be a good B-movie if it already wasn't a horrific design project.

 

 

Designed by a PhD candidate at the Royal College of Art in London, it very literally kills with thrills in an effort to make the last ride you would ever stand in line for "pleasing, elegant and meaningful." I, for one, have never really equated those words with roller coasters ever, but maybe that's just me. And while there's no chance someone would actually be insane enough to build the thing, the plans themselves are probably enough to give your most coaster-phobic pal nightmares for a night or two.

[via DVICE]

 

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Thursday, April 21

Waste Time Watching A Timepiece Be Made

by Jason Hinklin-Lauderdale

Seems kind of silly to be made to write up a blog post on the very brink of Skynet destroying human civilization and everything, but whatever. Skynet doesn't sign my checks, so I guess I need to come up with something.

Oh! How about a three-minute video of people making an hourglass? That certainly is "timely", huh? Heh heh. Heh. Ugh.

 

 

Well it's a neat little video, anyway. Now then, if anyone else needs me I'll be stocking up my great-grandpa's fallout shelter. Sure, this may all turn out to be entirely fictional, but it's better to be safe than sorry, you know?

[via kottke]

 

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