Woot : One Day, One Deal (SM)

A Golden Record?

Seriously, NASA, if Earthlings barely listen to LPs anymore, what makes you think Extraterrestrials will?

Don’t get me wrong. It was a genius idea to include a golden record with images and sounds from our fair blue planet encoded in it when you sent Voyager off into space, but times have changed. Unless you expect us to be visited by an armada of interstellar DJs looking to search through our crates of wax for Terran beats, it might be time to update our technological image.

So here’s a thought, why not buy a bunch of Sandisk Sansa Fuze 4GB Media Players, fill them with Earth-type media, and shoot the things off into the inky black unknown. With 4GB of storage space, you’ll be able to store a lot more than 115 images and a few hours of audio. You could even throw on some video that the aliens could watch on the Fuze’s 1.9” color screen. Heck, stick a microSDHC card in the thing, and our eventual overlords would be able to enjoy even more madcap of our madcap songs, photos, and movies. Maybe they would even send us a message back via the built-in voice recorder. If they have voices, of course. Telepathy would be kind of hard to record. Even the colors could be helpful, with Black representing our love of the darkness of space, or Blue to represent the oceans we have here on our planet.

Come on, NASA. You know I’m right. I mean, what would WE think about an alien civilization that sent us all their contact information on 8-track or Betamax. You don’t want us to be the laughing stock of the galaxy, do you?

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You didn't just learn letters, numbers, and the occasional bit of Spanish from Sesame Street. You also learned about rock 'n' roll. Presenting part one of a two-part compilation of our favorite Sesame Street song parodies, from rockabilly to disco. Pop music has never been so educational, nor so furry...

Honk Around The Clock
As we all know, rock 'n' roll was born when R&B was appropriated by the honkies.

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In the upcoming year, our resolution is to get to know our community a little better. What you like, what you dislike, who you are. We've learned from talking to you, there's a lot to enjoy by meeting our community!

Today, though, we've got an interview with forums users LuminousSpecter and socialhazardforhim about how they became engaged on the set of Voyage Of The Dawn Treader wearing shirt.woot shirts.

Don't they look happy? In their honor today, we're planning a little field trip to the shirt.woot blog. Everybody hand in your permission slips and jump on the bus, because today, we're going to enjoy the Ten Questions over there. Remember, hold hands with your buddy!

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How About A Little Bass Response, Scarecrow?

Come closer, my pretty! Let me get a better look at those delightful little ears!

Eee hee hee! What a nice surprise, a pretty girl like you coming to visit me in my lonely castle! Wouldn’t you like to listen to these Wicked Earbuds? They come with three different sizes of cushions for the best possible fit and sound. Attractive to the eye, soothing to the ear… Here, feel the nylon mesh coated cord… that’s right…

I’ve got you! You’re trapped! Eee hee hee! Now I’ll finish you, you accursed brat! Now you’ll pay for killing my sister! Now you’ll sleep! Sleep! Sleeeeeep! And your mangy little-

Hey, that’s rude. I find the term “witch” very offensive and demeaning to my spirituality. We’re called Wiccans. What? What are you laughing about? It’s a legitimate religion!

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MEANWHILE, BACK IN THE EMPLOYEE LOUNGE, Mortimer’s got something important to say to his plush primate pal Monte. But every time he’s tried to tell him, the words just came out wrong. This time, he’s come prepared with musical accompaniment. It’s open mic night in the break room.

Hey, if this is the sort of thing you enjoy (it’s possible; there’s no accounting for taste), consider subscribing to our YouTube channel. We dump another movie onto the pile every so often, and subscribers are first to know. Think how much of your workday you’ll waste watching our videos, happy as a dog rolling in excrement! It’ll be great.

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We’d love to have a drink with all of our Twitter followers after work, but we still haven’t found a bar big enough for 1.6 million people. So we’re showing the love the only way we know how: by selling even more cheap stuff. Introducing Woot Happy Hour. Every so often, after a particularly rough day on the job, we’ll whisk you away at 4 p.m. Central to a mini-Woot-Off that will last exactly one hour before it turns into a virtual pumpkin. But when, exactly?

There’s only one way to find out: follow @woot on Twitter. We’ll be announcing Happy Hour there and only there. Yes, we’ve finally discovered a compelling reason to join Twitter. Turn up your nose at your peril. While you’re sitting in splendid isolation on Superiority Island, the more pragmatic of your fellow wooters will be feasting on deals the likes of which you can scarcely imagine.

(Unless, of course, you can imagine a condensed Woot-Off without the Woot-Off killers.)

To further encourage the Twittification of America, Happy Hour sales will not be accompanied by the usual discussion forums. If you want to shoot your mouth off about a deal, tweet about it using the #woot hashtag. You can dive right into the flow of comments yourself, or wait for our forum moderators to scour these tweets for the best and most insightful. We’ll feature those on the front page of the sale a la our Quality Posts. But shorter. And faster. And with an extra helping of Web 2.0.

Woot Happy Hour is better than your regular old happy hour in one important way: it’s much less likely to lead to an awkward, regrettable make-out session with one of your co-workers. Wait, maybe that means it’s worse than your regular old happy hour.

Whatever the case, we hope to see you following our Twitter feed (@woot, remember?) and getting happy with us once or twice a week. Just do us a favor: if we get a little carried away, take away our car keys and call us a cab.

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Sure, you've got a Facebook with a status bar you can use to update the world on your feelings about current events and your virtual farm. You've even got a Twitter account so you can let everyone know you just ran out of Funyuns and your roommate Wayne peed on the seat again. And that comes in handy when you're not checking in on Foursquare as the rightful-if-begrudging mayor of your local unemployment office. But where do you go to let everyone around you know that you just got lucky?

Why, I Just Made Love, of course!

The "Test her Skills for Free" banner ad is unrelated, but hilarious nonetheless.

I Just Made Love is a site combining two things people can't get enough of: Google Maps and voyeuristic exhibitionism. You simply enter the location of the dirty deeds done and use the handy icons to indicate your and your partner's gender (sorry, but I Just Made Love By Myself's servers crashed tragically just seconds after launch) and where it took place. So far the options are a little sparse: couch, boat, or outside? Is bed that antiquated an option? You can then type a little blurb about how "totally friggin' sweet, bro" your experience was.

You can also checkmark if it was your first time and whether or not you practiced safe sex. You can even add your email address so you can be updated with any comments you might receive and, presumably, so people can add your email address to their "Do not talk to" list when they see you didn't check the safe sex box. Forget enjoying a cigarette: the new Hollywood cliche will be rolling over to tap away feverishly on an iPhone.

Of course if you really wanted to get devious, you could do something evil and post a marker in the parking lot of your building with a note thanking a specific co-worker you wanted to embarrass.

We'll leave all the details like orientation and number of boats included up to you.

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Geekologie has turned us on to something cool. Something that we feel should have existed a long, long time ago.

That's right, they're NES Cartridge Harmonicas. Finally, there's something classy for when you want to accompany yourself while playing Guitar Hero!

Apparently you can only buy these beauties on eBay and they're just over twenty bucks, which seems pretty reasonable for such a cool harmonica. But what we'd like to know this: if we took one on stage during some 8 Bit Music Festival, would Pete Seeger get mad and try to plug it in?

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Like any Federal building stuffed full of elected officials, the Utah State Capitol is a place where many, many, many stupid decisions are made. The latest and most spectacular bad decision involved our monkeys, and a balcony, and an echo, and lots and lots of marble. Oh, and there was a video camera too. Take a look...

Assuming that no one got fired for this, we find it incredibly cool that our happy little mascots got to fly in the Utah State Senate. We also like the frog, even though we have no idea where he even came from. Communist infiltrator or third party hero? You be the judge.

Thanks to dogbreath2 for playing the part of Deep Throat and releasing this dark, governmental secret.

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Daddy, how was I born?

Well, “born” isn’t quite the right word, Clonathon. You were grown from various strands of DNA in a nutrient tank in a secret laboratory far below the Nevada desert.

You were one of among tens of thousands of other clones being created for an army of super soldiers to be loosed upon the world by the Shadow Government in its plans to bring us all under its control. But there was something special about you. Something so special, in fact, that your mother, who isn’t really your “mother”, but the female scientist that was assigned to you, and I decided to hatch a scheme to steal you away from that place and raise you as our very own child. After carefully sabotaging the Shadow Government’s plan and escaping in a truly heroic fashion involving guard dogs, cyborg ninjas, and many, MANY explosions, we found our way to this quaint Midwestern town where we all live in hiding under assumed names to keep under their radar should they ever want revenge.

But even though we no longer work for those villains, we still consider the experiment to be on-going. That’s why we take time every day to record videos of your progress with our Sayno 720p HD Camcorder. You remember when we had you lift that tractor over your head? Well, it was important for our research that we capture that moment in high definition 1280×720 30fps video and H.264/MPEG-4 AVC format. With several white balance, light measuring, and exposure controls, every video we take of your runs through the laser obstacle course in the basement is perfectly lit and rendered for our needs. And not only that, but it came with a fetching travel case, a 1GB SD Card, and 2 Li-ion batteries, so that we never miss a moment, even when you use your psychic powers to steal toaster pastries from the pantry, you little scamp.

Oh, look at the clock. It’s getting close to your bedtime, young man. You know the rules. Let’s get you in your jammies and practice using your setting things on fire with the power of your mind before sleepy ni-ni time.

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