10 Highlights From Tomorrow's Apple Press Conference About The iPhone Antenna Mess

by Team Chuckle!

  1. "Why don't you all just call somebody who cares? OH WAIT"
  2. "You see, in our efforts to steer people away from all types of pornography, we added this 'feature' as a way of keeping you all from calling intimate 1-900 numbers. Who's embarrassed now, perverts?"
  3. "Like anyone actually reads Consumer Reports, am I right? I mean, really, the cool people get all their Apple news and analysis from completely unbiased sources like Daring Fireball."
  4. "You guys know it does folders now, right?"
  5. "To find out more, affected iPhone users are invited to attend MacSplosion 2K10: an all-expenses-paid VIP event at an undisclosed location in the beautiful Hindu Kush highlands of sunny Pakistan. Don't bother packing - you won't need clothes where you're going."
  6. "We've moved ahead, as we believe connectivity will soon go the way of floppy discs, FireWire, Brushed Metal, and pornography. The future is non-connectivity."
  7. "After talking with our engineers, I feel confident in announcing that the shutdown feature only activates during conversations that do not properly represent the Apple lifestyle brand. We suggest making your conversations more cutting-edge."
  8. "See? See? This is what happens when we try it without the Chinese kids!"
  9. "We blame Tony Hayward."
  10. "Now, if you'd all look under your chairs... THAT'S RIGHT! EVERYONE HERE GETS A ROLL OF ELECTRICAL TAPE! Introducing iTape. The first truly must-have accessory for the iPhone 4, because you must have it for the phone to work. In stores 4th quarter 2010, starting at $149.99."