An Important Message From Woot
It's a Woot-Lib! This writeup was written with the help of our mentally deranged community during the last Woot-Off. Does it make sense? No! It's it supposed to? Cranberries!
Greetings loyal shoppers -- Woot here. We're curvaceous1 to announce a complete overhaul of our site! We asked for suggestions from our users during the last Woot-Off, and ya'll haphazardly2 complied! It's the first-ever fully crowdsourced redesign of an online retail site, and we're pretty fried3 about it! Here are some of the The slaptastic4 features you can expect to see thrust5-out on the site over the following weeks and months:
- We're changing our name to HARRGLEBLARGGLE.com6
- We're drunkenly7 re-skinning our site to look like a puma8 that has been cut in half. Sound bloody and flippant9? It is!
- From now on we'll only be selling skateboards10, garbanzo beans11, and occasionally some refurbished fungi12.
- We'll still sell graphic t-shirts, but they'll all just be jokes about Diet Hubba Bubba Soda13, Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis14, and Doctor Who.
- Our blank shirts will be made by beefcakes15 in Liechtenstein16.
- The forums will be overhauled such that users no longer "write" their opinions, but swimmingly17 square dance18 them. Confused? Check the Spastically19 Shanked20 Questions (SSQ) page for a fluffy21 explanation.
- Woot-Offs are getting wooed22, too. Instead of selling one product at a time, we're going to squish23 products on the site. How does that work? Ask Buckaroo Banzai24.
- Our "funny" product descriptions will be replaced with "scrumptious25" ones. Prepare to dance with a duck26!
- Forum filters will now replace the words "lobster27" with "pencil thin mustache28", and "cookie29" with "hot rod lincoln30" BECAUSE WE CAN.
- We will no longer accept U.S. dollars, but only ginormous31 compliments as payment. Users are encouraged to supercalifragilisticexpialidociously32 flatter our gluteus maximus33.
- We're replacing our office water cooler with hot smoothies34. This does not affect you directly, but we just thought we'd let you know.
- We'll no longer be a subsidiary of Amazon, but Friendster35.
Thank you all for your cheeky36 patronage of Woot over the last nine years! Here's to another pi37 years of funktastic38 shopping, grand39 customer service, and spicy, fajita-style Mr. Goodbars40.
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