Also Comes In Diet: Woot Weads The Wire

by Scott Lydon

 

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

ROYAL DEESIDE, Scotland (UPI) -- A British royal source told The Daily Telegraph Queen Elizabeth II's corgis badly injured an 11-year-old Norfolk terrier belonging to Princess Beatrice.

Onlookers say the corgis surrounded the poor terrier and aggressively forced it to surrender its peerage in the House of Lords.

Flexi-Corgi

 

 

ALBUQUERQUE (UPI) -- Inhabitants of North America a thousand years ago looked for a "caffeine buzz," drinking a strong "Black Drink" for ceremonial purposes, researchers say.

The researchers say the "Black Drink" vanished completely from the historical record for about two months, and then, with no explanation, returned to continue as "Black Drink Classic."

REGENSBURG, Germany (UPI) -- A German copyright law firm said it will publish a list of pornography pirates on its Web site at the start of September.

While Long John Silver is said to be unconcerned, many other pirates are horrified at what their families will think of them once the list of their videos are made public.

 

Pirate

 

NEW YORK, Aug. 15 (UPI) -- "Saturday Night Live" cast member Abby Elliott told comedy Web site Splitsider she is leaving the U.S. sketch comedy show after four seasons.

On the heels of this announcement, hundreds of people over thirty realized how long it's been since they bothered to watch "Saturday Night Live."

BELGRADE, Serbia (UPI) -- Serbian chess grandmaster Svetozar Gligoric died in Belgrade, the World Chess Federation said. He was 89.

Longtime opponents refuse to mourn him just yet, suspecting this might just be a complex variant on the Blackmar–Diemer Gambit.

Flexi-corgi from jeffk and Piratet from fuzzcat are used under a Creative Commons License