Always be Prepared. And Paranoid.

by Randall Cleveland

You're a "zombie enthusiast," which is shorthand for "weirdo shut-in sitting on the computer and just hoping and praying for an opportunity to run around shooting people in the face." And every zombie enthusiast has a plan, be it to bug out to the desolate countryside or forest (not a bad plan if you're tough enough to live off the land), escape via boat or plane to some remote and uninfected island (bold, but very risky), or hole up in your fallout shelter with plans to raid the nearby Wal-Mart/gun shop/REI and stock up for the end of civilization (your corpse will be shambling the streets within an hour). That's why you need to prepare with Map of the Dead.

 

Screen shot 2012-04-10 at 10.31.05 AM
I assume the pink is indicating blood running through the streets.

 

It's a simple enough concept that we're kind of envious we didn't think about it ourselves: take a Google Map and overlay it with markers for gun shops, grocery stores, doctors, and all the other kinds of places you'd want to loot visit when the crap hits the fan. It's the kind of thing thousands of camouflage-wearing "down wit da gub'mint" types already have bookmarked on their computers. 

Screen shot 2012-04-10 at 10.31.44 AM
North Dakota it is!


But you know, take away the zombie coat of paint and this isn't a bad idea at all. Sure, the undead aren't likely to rise up and devour us all, but actual disasters, the kind where you need stuff like doctors and survival gear and food and, maybe I guess in extreme situations, guns. One thing I don't understand is the "Danger Zones" overlay. I assumed it was based on population density or something, where more heavily-populated areas would be more dangerous in the event of an infectious zombie outbreak, but then I saw Alaska.

Screen shot 2012-04-10 at 10.32.19 AM
And who are those two zombies out in the middle of the ocean?

Maybe they're counting the possibility of zombified moose or bears or something, because I don't think the state's that populous. Maybe Southeast Alaska, okay, but the Aleutians? I've been out that way; if your criteria include "low population density" it's one of the safest places you could be in a zombie apocalypse. Granted you might freeze to death, but your death would most likely be zombie free.

Would you use something like this map in the event of an emergency? Personally, I think I'd be too panicked to remember it in the first place, but I guess you could try studying it ahead of time. What do you think?