Remember The Newton
The iPad: better than a watch.
Look, we're just gonna come out and say it: Apple's trollin', right? All those secret rumors about an iWatch are just to send the competition down a blind alley, aren't they? Because there's nothing an iPad can't do better than some wrist-computer. And we've got a little list to prove it.
Stop Pickpockets - With a 4th Gen iPad (like this one here) a pickpocket has to take something the size of a newspaper from your hands. You're gonna notice that. It doesn't matter how slick they are, you're gonna notice that. With some crazy watch, though? Pickpockets had THAT technique figured out before we even knew what silicon was.
Confound Teachers - Anyone who grew up in the 1980s knows that teachers love love love to confiscate cool watches. A simple Space Invaders break turned into a heartbreak that wouldn't end until the last day of school! Can you really expect them to be impressed by an iWatch? And yet, with a 4th Gen iPad (like this one), it's easy to keep your course notes open and ready. "No, teacher, I wasn't playing Clash Of Clans, I was typing! See?" Try to make that work when you're cursing at your watch during lecture.
Be Sophisticated - Imagine coming into a serious meeting with nothing but a watch. What will the conservative investors think? They'll be shocked! Amazed! Impressed! Then dump you in favor of the guy using technology they can understand. This iPad's 4th Gen, you see, so it's had time to mature and enter the public consciousness. Some crazy watch? Heck, that might as well be you offering to short a penny stock.
So please, Apple. Don't tell us the magic Apple Watch is your next big thing, okay? But if it is, tell us NOW. Please. So we can buy more of these iPads. In a watch-centric world, people are gonna want iPads, you see.
At least, we HOPE you see.