Apple's 100 Billion Dollar Announcement: What's Next?

by Scott Lydon

In a few hours Apple's gonna make a big announcement about what they'll be doing with their 100 billion in cash reserves.

Apple Stickers OH MY!
The currency of tomorrow?

 

Techcrunch hopes they're gobbling up a movie studio, Bloomberg is sure they'll give handouts to rich investors, and us? Well, we're just hoping to see one or two of the things below.

 

- All the money goes to hiring an assassin to take out the coach of Lehigh University for trashing everyone's brackets
- Price on Mac Memory dropping, now to be only moderately insane
- Zimbabwe becoming the first privately owned nation, name changing to iMbabwe
- Best darn Superbowl commercial the world has ever seen!
- Full amount to be donated to the woefully underfunded research into fan death.
- Everyone in the country gets one free potato skin (add 35 cents for bacon)
- At long last creating a studio to develop a decent video game for OS X
- Everything on Black 35! Tim Cook's got a hunch!
- Finally gonna test Paul Weller's statement "I wouldn't get The Jam back together for a hundred billion dollars."
- Everything is going to a random Kickstarter campaign just to blow some Etsy designer's mind
- "Coming soon to the iTunes Store: Firefly, Season Two."

Image credited to emarschn and used under the Creative Commons License.