Bag of Crap LXXII: Origins
You might open up your BOC and say, “where do they get this crap?” Well, let us tell you.
You may not know this, but Woot actually has several warehouses around the world. Most of the stuff you buy comes from our main warehouse (Warehouse #1), but for the stuff in our Bags of Crap, we often have to dip into a few of the others. Since they all have their own distinct personalities and cultures, we thought it might be nice to share a little bit about each one:
Warehouse #2: Staffed by jaded former puppeteers; contains absolutely no products that could be held or moved in such a way that would imply human or animal characteristics.
“Warehouse #3:” Comprised of four physical warehouses (Original #3 and former #4, #5, #7); original Warehouse #3 held only bladeless fans and cutlery; bladeless fans achieved self-awareness, armed themselves with cutlery, and forcefully took over remaining 3 warehouses now considered “Warehouse #3.”
Warehouse #6: Bravely defending itself against the onslaught of “Warehouse #3.”
Warehouse #8: Contains only anti-matter; customers who receive a BOC from Warehouse #8 will not see it, because it is nothing, but if they look directly at it, they will disappear.
Warehouse #9: An old banana in a glass case somewhere on one of the Kayman Islands; deemed a warehouse for tax reasons.
Warehouse #10: Scarce evidence that it actually exists; some consider it to be the entire state of North Dakota; others think it’s buried somewhere under the West Coast, and that the San Andreas fault is Woot’s attempt to finally open it and reveal the electronics within; still others believe it is a little Woot warehouse that exists in all of our hearts; the truth is there is no Warehouse #10.
THE HOLY CRAP COMMANDMENTS v4.0
I. Thou shalt expect nothing beyond ONE bag of some kind and THREE crappy items.
II. Thou shalt probably expect not to even get a Bag o’ Crap at all. We only have enough for about 10% of the people who want them. Thou art probably in that other 90%.
III. Thou shalt notice that “crap” is right there in the title. Thou shalt not complain when it turns out we were telling the truth.
IV. Thou wouldst probably be better off spending thine eight bucks on just about anything else.
V. Thou shalt be assured that Woot hath upgraded its servers and code to minimize errors and crashes. But thou shalt remind thyself that even if those servers did work perfectly, it would simply mean the BoC sold out earlier.
VI. Should thou fail in thy quest for crap, congratulations. Failure is the biggest crap of all.