Bag of Crap

by Wootbot

Bag O’ Crap LXIII: It’s In The Bag

It’s all about the presentation

Presentation is everything. It’s key. Ask any chef at a fancy restaurant, and he’ll tell you. (We presume. We’ve never been to any fancy restaurants. But we stand by our point all the same.)

Try to serve somebody a runty drumstick and two baby potatoes in a paper take-out tub, and he’ll be unambiguously dissatisfied. He’ll be all like: “where’s the rest of my meal, Mac?” But now let’s say instead of the take-out tub, you tastefully arrange the same skimpy portion on elegant china, drizzle a cursive “nnnn” of some kind of sauce over it, and garnish with a sprig of green stuff.

Poof. You’ve got yourself a gourmet dinner.

It’s like that with our Bags O’ Crap. Or should we say: Sachets de la Merde? (No, OK, we probably shouldn’t.) We start with just a bunch of unsaleable junk of the sort you might find in the very last box you pack when you move. You know the stuff we mean. Flat useless.

But then we put it in a bag.

That’s when some kind of strange alchemy happens. Because what’s in the bag? It could be anything! Now people aren’t buying the garbage we would have otherwise thrown away. Now they’re buying the chance to discover what kind of garbage we would have otherwise thrown away.

It’s amazing that it works. But also kind of depressing.


I. Thou shalt expect nothing beyond ONE bag of some kind and THREE crappy items.
II. Thou shalt not whine and complain when some people’s crap turns out to be nicer than yours.
III. Thou shalt take a moment to consider whether you might be better off just not buying this crap.

IV. Thou shalt not expect better crap just because things are different this time. Crap is crap.
V. To paraphrase Stephen Stills, shalt thou not get the crap you want, want the crap you get.