Better Have My Money Or Some Garlic Butter: Woot Weads The Wire

by Scott Lydon

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

HARRISBURG, Pa. (UPI) Pennsylvania election officials Tuesday were forced to remove a voting machine that insisted a vote for President Obama was a vote for Mitt Romney.

The voting machine has already been contacted by Fox News about hosting a half-hour editorial-style show later this spring.

 

NYC voting machines outside, unattended

 

ALLENTOWN, Pa. (UPI) -- A Pennsylvania man who admitted to stealing lobsters to help fund his drug habit was sentenced to 7 1/2 to 25 years in prison.

Police call it the worst attempt to build a prostitution ring they've ever seen.

NEW YORK (UPI) -- Celebrity chef Sandra Lee prepared meals for victims of Hurricane Sandy at the Bowery Mission in New York City on Sunday.

Angry dessert-lovers stormed out in a rage after discovering they'd confused her with Sara Lee.

sara_lee_original_baked_cheesecake_1

 

WASHINGTON (UPI) -- Election officials in Iowa and Texas have ordered international observers to stay hundreds of feet from polls, a spokesman said.

Officials admit that the Polish observers do provide the law with an interesting challenge.

NEW DELHI (UPI) -- Maoist rebels in India will stop some of their more brutal methods of killing, including the slitting of throats, the BBC said.

Rebel leaders say they now plan to kill in gentler ways, like burying people under a thousand Valentines or telling funny jokes until people laugh so hard they can't breathe.

NYC voting machines outside, unattended from joebeone and sara_lee_original_baked_cheesecake_1 from perry_marco are used under a Creative Commons License.