CES 2007: The Wootable Awards

by Jason Toon

No mere mortal could see more than a fraction of the vast 2007 Consumer Electronics Show, so we don't pretend that this is a definitive list. But here are our choices for the 2007 CES Wootable Awards, with an assist from a few loyal Wooter correspondents:

Most Likely Product to Show Up in a Future Bag O' Crap
You know how some people hang a tennis ball from their garage ceiling, so they know how far to pull up? This giant plastic baseball is like that, except when you bump it, it flashes light for fifteen seconds. Form an orderly queue, everybody!

Worst Product Demo
Mom, it's broken. Mom, it's broken. Mom! It's broken!

Most Bizarrely Touching Product Display
We hope this electronic photo frame helped show Juanito how much Vinny really cares.

Most Inexplicable Presence at CES
A booth full of celebrity autographs, for no apparent reason.

Most Unwarranted Self-Confidence
Label aside, we saw nothing to make us believe that this egg-shaped thing is, in fact, awesome.

Dumbest Typo
It's OK if you don't know how to spell "vacuum" off the top of your head. But if you're making signage for the largest electronics convention in the world, you might want to grab a dictionary. Two U's, one C, guys.

Grossest Product Name

Grossest Costume
Somebody's confused about the meaning of "viral." (photo by blackbearnh)

Least Helpful Diagram
This really clears up the mobile-communications system, if you've got an hour to stand around deciphering it.

Most Embarrassing Typo (Tie)
We think they're supposed to say "WalletFlash" and "world's slimmest," but we prefer these funnier variations. Of course, we just had to go out and buy walletflesh.com - thanks for the free advertising, guys!

Company Name That Uses The Most Letters To Say Nothing
What does "Symmorphix" mean? What does their company do? Do we care?

Company Name Most Likely To Sound Dated Five Minutes From Now
A gratuitous X, a numeral inserted into a word, a vaguely-hip, all-lowercase syllable: the trifecta of cheeseball company names.

Most Awesome Universal Symbol Graphic
I, for one, am glad that CES has finally prohibited hitting babies in the head with your briefcase. It was fun while it lasted, but it was hell on their insurance rates.

Worst Signage
Don't blow the whole marketing budget on one sign, guys.

Worst Comic Sans Abuse
WuR5t ph0Nt 3V4R!!1!

Clumsiest Correction
"What? There's no 'e' in Blu-Ray? Hand me that gaffer's tape."

Worst Company Name with the Best Company Logo
We really dig their little S-lock graphic. The name, not so much.

Least Impressive Monarch
The TV2Art peasants are already building the guillotine. (photo by blackbearnh)

Worst Transportation
You can't skate in a crowd, son. (photo by Littleredd)

Best "That's What She Said" Slogan
Heh heh.

Worst Use of Virtual Reality
Whatever you're looking at in there, you might enjoy what's out here a little more. (photo by iam1e3t)

Most Ridiculous Rims
Thirty - count 'em - thirty inches. But it'll take more than that to fill the void in your soul. Note also the awesome Earthquake logo, at the cutting-edge of graphic innovation circa 1983. (photo by xxfiberopticxx)

Laziest Booth Decor
We were really tempted to insert a photo of our own in this frame.

Most Disturbing Booth Decor
Mutilated hands? Dead trees? Do these little tchotchkes remind you of anything that isn't depressing?

Most Egyptian Booth Decor
All hail Anubis, god of High-Definition TV!

Most Uncomfortable Home Theater Seating
Just grab a backless, uncushioned cylinder and enjoy the show. Is this company getting kickbacks from a chiropractor or what?

Worst Fake Fireplace
About as homey as a hangar full of flourescent lights.

Saddest Case of Dashed Hopes
Sorry, dude - despite the uniform, no matter what you do, she's not legally obligated to handcuff you. (photo by iam1e3t)

"Congratulations" to the "winners"!