Completely Unfair Comparisons: On Orchestras, Parking, and Preparedness
There are plenty of places on Woot where you can find helpful information. This is not one of those places. Every week we will be comparing 3 pairs of things that shouldn’t be compared using this formula: Unrelated Thing X vs. Unrelated Thing Y in terms of Function Z. Facts will be misunderstood, overlooked, or changed for the sake of the argument. Enjoy.
1. Traffic Cones vs. A Full Orchestra in terms of Staying Dry in the Rain
A traffic cone can be used as a hat, as long as there isn’t a hole in the top, but its shape (tall and narrow, leaving all but the forehead exposed) and its weight (heavy, thus forcing the head back and allowing more rain to reach the torso) is not optimal at all for dealing with precipitation. The orchestra has absolutely no potential as a hat; however, if it hopes to reach its full potential as an orchestra, it will need to find a structure designed with acoustics in mind. While such a structure may be strange looking (or downright ugly), it most-likely will feature the greatest hat ever built: a roof. Therefore, if you hang around orchestras, you're bound to stay dry.
Advantage:
2. A Hot Air Balloon vs. Regret in terms of Getting the Parking Spot You Want at Work
A hot air balloon catches the eye. You see one in a parking space, you’re going to think, “Whoa, that guy has that spot locked down!” But let’s not overlook a few other basic truths about hot air balloons: 1) they’re not fast; and 2) they take a while to prepare for flight. That means the hot air balloon is actually counterproductive to getting a parking spot; you’d have to get up earlier than if you drove. Now, coating a parking spot in liquid regret, on the other hand, is a sure-fire way to keep it open. Nobody’s going to want to park there (lest they risk feeling bad about it all day), so you can roll in whenever you want. Will you be happy in your spot? No. But this isn't about happiness; it's about claiming your territory.
Advantage:
3. Deep Breaths vs. A Hand Buzzer in terms of Preparing to eat at a Buffet
A buffet is the edible manifestation of excess. Delicious as it may be, there’s just no way to get through it without feeling overwhelmed. Maybe you’re the kind of person who prepares for a stressful situation by practicing controlled breathing, or maybe you use clown-like humor to mask your anxiety. When it comes to a buffet, though, it doesn’t matter. All that preparation goes right out the window as soon as you lay eyes on that expanse of trays under the smudged glass of the sneeze guard. You can never be ready for that much food; its limitlessness will always take you by surprise.
Advantage:
Last week's Rebuttal of the Week goes to stm027 who lays down the science as to why chalk is better for making scones than a cat bed:
Scones use baking soda.
Baking soda is Sodium bicarbonate.
Chalk is Calcium bicarbonate.
Sodium is atomic number 11.
Calcium is atomic number 20.
20 is 9 better than 11.
Cat beds don't even have atomic numbers.
Mad that I didn't choose your response? Well take out that aggression in the comments section by bashing (or politely disagreeing with) one of my above comparisons, and who knows? You just might find yourself here next week!
"Orchestra" by flickr user, Foilman; "Head in Hands" by flickr user, Alex E. Proimos; "my chances of beating nick" by flickr user, grenade. All used under a Creative Commons License.
